The Dark Side of Love

The dark side of love is the most detrimental phase of one's life.  Every thought can send your emotions into a whirlwind of what was, what is and what's going to be. Everything is an uncertainty. One finds them self searching for an answer that ultimately you don't even need.  We are accustomed and conditioned to believe that love ends in heartbreak.  Does it really?  Does it end in a place where one person fights for something because they are so invested?  What happens in the moments prior, every clue, every word said, every point of the last argument, is replayed over and over in your mind until one comes to the conclusion that one or the other or both are wrong.

Now don't get me wrong, we don't know what other parties are going through in this process.  Everyone deals with this process differently. One person may go into seclusion; when another feels getting under another person is the way. But can we agree there's always one who feels it more than another. One sheds more tears, has more violent outbursts, has more sleepless nights.  Does this person ultimately come out on top because they actually process this more internal or emotionally?  

Every song is a tunnel into your feelings, tears come at a drop of a dime, anger follows suit.  The dark side of love can be a harbor for hate as well.  You can love this person with every ounce of your being unconditionally and yet you can't fathom that you wouldn't get it in return.  You have to rationalize every decision made.  The more you can't the more you despise and hate the being.  Ultimately it isn't hate, more than just a stinging feeling of disappointment because you expected so much more.  You expect for things that were said to be exactly that. 

This journey through the dark side of love is something everyone who believes in the fairytale will endure. One has to be truthful and honest with oneself and understand that there is a lesson in this.  You will get through it, through the tears, the anger, the anger and the love, and when you do you there will be a light that shines so brightly that the good sign of love will have no choice but to reveal itself and show you that it is powerful and never ending.  Allow the process to take its course and learn and be open to the lesson. Don't shut down or close yourself in.  Don't continue to sit in darkness and wallow in the tears because they only manifest when you allow them to.  The dark side of love is a energy carried by those who walk in fear.  Don't be afraid.  The good side is soon upon you.

The Struggles of Heartbreak

     Heartbreak is one of the things in life that will show you exactly who you are.  You have to face all your fears and figure out what to do next all by yourself.  The contrary is that you feel so alone that you don't even know where to begin.  You think to yourself every possible solution that let up to it, and what you can do to get back to the happy.  But why would you want to go back just for the cycle to continue again.  I know why....because the love never leaves.  It can't possibly, especially when it's unconditional.  But what do you do when it's not reciprocated??

     How are you to feel when you feel like every word told to you was a lie?  You lived in this space thinking things were at least on the same field.  But when in actuality, you were in this space all alone.  The wake up call is the most hurtful and destroying event that occurs.  Just like when you're dead tired and  your alarms doesn't go off and you're late to work.  That jolt...  Yea, that one where you feel like your heart is about to jump out of your chest.  When your heart breaks, it's the same feeling.  You hear the residuals of that snap for days, weeks, and months after.  And you have to find the strength and truth in yourself to move on.

     But what is moving on?  Not speaking to the person anymore?  Despising them to the point that you can't even stand to see the words they type on a screen?  Why does the good times have to just disappear and one has to move on?  Why do you have to become the person who has to ache in heartache when they seemed to have moved on without a hitch? Is that fair?

     Love isn't fair.  It never was and never will be.  Look at all the major love stories that we have all grown up to know like the back of our hands.  There is no love that we know that hasn't had the experience of heartbreak.  What I don't and will never seem to understand is why heartbreak even a factor.  Why can't two people who love each other go through life without one making the other cry?  Why does one person seem to move on quicker than the other?  Were they ever really there in the beginning?

     Sometimes we have to look at your fault in the situation, and stand in that for a moment. Once you have come to understand where you are, you then have to decide where you want to go from there and the plan that it will take for you to get there.  Love will come find you.  Love is a never ending battle, and if it's worth it and meant to be it will be when you least expect it.  The thing is all the false I love you's that break your heart and give you that jolting wake up call are only preparing you for the real unconditional love that will mend your broken pieces back together.

     Take the time you need, say the words you need to say. Don't hold things in to save the heart or feelings of the other person, because they weren't think about saving you when they broke your heart. One will have justifications for their actions until the shoe is on the other foot.  They will say whatever it is to keep you in that place of hurt so they won't have to sit and look themselves in mirror and face where they are. Though there were actions you took that got you there, but you weren't alone, so don't take all the blame or hurt.  Don't sit allow yourself to wither away with heartbreak, because it will control you.  Then you'll be asking yourself "am i going crazy"?

     Find your happy in a place where you can stand alone and smile.  It will take time and you will miss that alarm a couple of times, but I promise you will hear it again before it's even time and get up and say, "Ha, i did it....i found my happy!"  Then love, when you least expect it will be standing right there with open arms.