The Dark Side of Love

The dark side of love is the most detrimental phase of one's life.  Every thought can send your emotions into a whirlwind of what was, what is and what's going to be. Everything is an uncertainty. One finds them self searching for an answer that ultimately you don't even need.  We are accustomed and conditioned to believe that love ends in heartbreak.  Does it really?  Does it end in a place where one person fights for something because they are so invested?  What happens in the moments prior, every clue, every word said, every point of the last argument, is replayed over and over in your mind until one comes to the conclusion that one or the other or both are wrong.

Now don't get me wrong, we don't know what other parties are going through in this process.  Everyone deals with this process differently. One person may go into seclusion; when another feels getting under another person is the way. But can we agree there's always one who feels it more than another. One sheds more tears, has more violent outbursts, has more sleepless nights.  Does this person ultimately come out on top because they actually process this more internal or emotionally?  

Every song is a tunnel into your feelings, tears come at a drop of a dime, anger follows suit.  The dark side of love can be a harbor for hate as well.  You can love this person with every ounce of your being unconditionally and yet you can't fathom that you wouldn't get it in return.  You have to rationalize every decision made.  The more you can't the more you despise and hate the being.  Ultimately it isn't hate, more than just a stinging feeling of disappointment because you expected so much more.  You expect for things that were said to be exactly that. 

This journey through the dark side of love is something everyone who believes in the fairytale will endure. One has to be truthful and honest with oneself and understand that there is a lesson in this.  You will get through it, through the tears, the anger, the anger and the love, and when you do you there will be a light that shines so brightly that the good sign of love will have no choice but to reveal itself and show you that it is powerful and never ending.  Allow the process to take its course and learn and be open to the lesson. Don't shut down or close yourself in.  Don't continue to sit in darkness and wallow in the tears because they only manifest when you allow them to.  The dark side of love is a energy carried by those who walk in fear.  Don't be afraid.  The good side is soon upon you.

The Struggles of Heartbreak

     Heartbreak is one of the things in life that will show you exactly who you are.  You have to face all your fears and figure out what to do next all by yourself.  The contrary is that you feel so alone that you don't even know where to begin.  You think to yourself every possible solution that let up to it, and what you can do to get back to the happy.  But why would you want to go back just for the cycle to continue again.  I know why....because the love never leaves.  It can't possibly, especially when it's unconditional.  But what do you do when it's not reciprocated??

     How are you to feel when you feel like every word told to you was a lie?  You lived in this space thinking things were at least on the same field.  But when in actuality, you were in this space all alone.  The wake up call is the most hurtful and destroying event that occurs.  Just like when you're dead tired and  your alarms doesn't go off and you're late to work.  That jolt...  Yea, that one where you feel like your heart is about to jump out of your chest.  When your heart breaks, it's the same feeling.  You hear the residuals of that snap for days, weeks, and months after.  And you have to find the strength and truth in yourself to move on.

     But what is moving on?  Not speaking to the person anymore?  Despising them to the point that you can't even stand to see the words they type on a screen?  Why does the good times have to just disappear and one has to move on?  Why do you have to become the person who has to ache in heartache when they seemed to have moved on without a hitch? Is that fair?

     Love isn't fair.  It never was and never will be.  Look at all the major love stories that we have all grown up to know like the back of our hands.  There is no love that we know that hasn't had the experience of heartbreak.  What I don't and will never seem to understand is why heartbreak even a factor.  Why can't two people who love each other go through life without one making the other cry?  Why does one person seem to move on quicker than the other?  Were they ever really there in the beginning?

     Sometimes we have to look at your fault in the situation, and stand in that for a moment. Once you have come to understand where you are, you then have to decide where you want to go from there and the plan that it will take for you to get there.  Love will come find you.  Love is a never ending battle, and if it's worth it and meant to be it will be when you least expect it.  The thing is all the false I love you's that break your heart and give you that jolting wake up call are only preparing you for the real unconditional love that will mend your broken pieces back together.

     Take the time you need, say the words you need to say. Don't hold things in to save the heart or feelings of the other person, because they weren't think about saving you when they broke your heart. One will have justifications for their actions until the shoe is on the other foot.  They will say whatever it is to keep you in that place of hurt so they won't have to sit and look themselves in mirror and face where they are. Though there were actions you took that got you there, but you weren't alone, so don't take all the blame or hurt.  Don't sit allow yourself to wither away with heartbreak, because it will control you.  Then you'll be asking yourself "am i going crazy"?

     Find your happy in a place where you can stand alone and smile.  It will take time and you will miss that alarm a couple of times, but I promise you will hear it again before it's even time and get up and say, "Ha, i did it....i found my happy!"  Then love, when you least expect it will be standing right there with open arms.

You Can't Grow in Complacency

Sometimes people become complacent where they are their lives.  Something inside of them becomes comfortable where they are and they desire to stay in that place.  But what they have to realize is that everyone around them is not going to be comfortable with complacency and must continue to grow.  And in the growth, the complacent may be left behind.  Without regret because everything your life and being has a season.

As we mature as adults we have to realize that when you are growing you have to shed the negative and the skin (friends, lovers, brokenhearts) that's holding us back.  I say friends because as we grow the people we assume to be friends may harbor ill feelings without your knowledge and continue to mask these feelings in "friendship" because of your continuing to want to grow. Honestly, that's on them.  In growth shedding the dead weight is healthy and helps you realize what in your life is truly needed and ultimately wanted.

Lovers or lack of may be holding back what he ultimately are looking for all along....true love.  We hold onto the possible thought of already have met Mr. Big ;) that we keep going back to Mr. Wrong.  Believe me if it hasn't happened by now it's time to drop them niggas alone.  They doing what they doing cuz you letting them. Mr. Big is coming just be patient.

In letting them go the brokenhearts are gonna occur and that's okay. But take those and let them be lessons for future endeavors in love.  Don't keep holding onto the ill feelings, allow the pain to come and go and be ready to face the next day.  In every new adventure go in with an open mind and heart. When your entering go in expecting the best. It doesn't hurt to try...the hurt comes from not paying attention to the signs.  Just pay attention and be open.  I know that says a lot, but just think about it.

Complacency is not allowed.  Use all you've got and get to where you want to go and allow what needs to be shedded to be shed.  The dead weight and negative pasts leave to be left right where they are. In complacency.

Is Your Mirror Clean?

Are you the one friend that most of your friends come to for advice on various scenarios?  How often do you think to yourself after giving such great advice "Lord why can't i use this advice for my own situation"?  Do you look at your own situation and realize that you would be so much less stressed or irritable if you heeded your own advice? What is it that you know what to do but don't?

Steam on the mirror. There's your answer! Have you noticed that when company is coming over you make your home nice and tidy; when alone you just let it be what it is?  Same a this metaphorical mirror.  When we place the mirror in front of someone when giving advice, we make sure the mirror is free of streaks, cracks and even steam.  However when we face it on ourselves we steam it up.  So therefore we don't see the situation clear enough to take our own advice.

Everyone has different types of steam. There's the "I can handle my situation" steam, "my situation is different from yours" steam, and the infamous "but I..." steam. The last can be the most detrimental because there are an infinite amount of EXCUSES we use behind it.  We often don't want to face ourselves because we know subconsciously what we have to do we just CHOOSE not to deal with what our situation is.  Yet, we continue to give all this advice and lack where we need....PRACTICING WHAT WE PREACH.

Your cycle will continue as long as you continue to look into a steamed mirror. Your situation is blurred, smeared and inconsistent.  You will continue to push out knowledge, wisdom and happiness but your own situation will lack until you take something and clean your mirror.  Allow yourself the opportunity to see your own situation clearly so you can have a clear vision of what you need to do.  It will be hard to look at yourself and be 100% honest with yourself.

I spoke in my last post about sacrifice and making decisions for yourself.  Your mirror is the first step in the process.  How can you make a clear decision based on unclear information. I'm sure your attempt to help your friends in their situation is for the best but you have to have clear vision for yourself to give the best advice.

So from now on, make sure you mirror is clean before you give advice.  Your message will come across so much clearer because you have living and giving by example.  Wipe off the steam and see yourself and your situation for exactly what they are and keep it clean.  A flawless life is impossible, but seeing a clear life only eliminates the option of making a decision with blurred, flawed and steamed insight.

Sacrifice. "You v. Them"

Something that I've learned in my adult life is that sacrifice is a major determining factor in where we may end up.  How many decisions have you made in your life that something had to be given up so something else could be done. I'm sure in your adult life that's an everyday occurrence.  Go on this trip or pay my light bill?  Be faithful to the love of my life or give this thot a chance to ruin all my happiness? Just examples...but hopefully you get my point.

In any decision a sacrifice has to be made and something has to be given up. I've realized that everyone, even your friends sometimes, don't realize when you are making a sacrifice for the reason of YOU.  You have to decide what will be the better outcome for yourself and not others.  In then end, others are always gonna sacrifice what they believe is best for them.  Not saying you aren't to help others out, just don't make a decision that in the long run that will have you losing.

In a world where "winning" is the objective, to stay on the winning team means sacrificing and making your life work best for the person living it...YOU.  We often make decisions by what we think others think of the decision, how someone will feel or what we think should occur.  Those days for me are over; no more trying to work out the decisions of myself and others.  You may lose somethings like friends, fun memories or love but in the end you will be able to look back and what you gained from the loss that probably wouldn't have added up to anything.

Next time you have two or more things to choose from, look at the situation and say to yourself "what's the sacrifice here"?  Weigh out all options and choose what is best for yourself. Those who feel you are making the wrong decision are only wanting you to do what's in their interest.  Everything you decide you do from here on out are for you because when you wake up and go to sleep you are the soul who has to live with every decision made.

Powers.

     Why is it that I can tell something has happened before someone has even told me? I am just blessed with powers that can foresee or is it that I have jut experienced so much bullshit in my 31 years that I can just dont expect anything but what is inevitable? When did I become so in tune with mannerisms that I see when a person changes the instant they do. These "powers" really have a double edged sword.
     The first side is that they really work in my advantage because I am able to see past a person's outer and really get intrigued by what they don't show. Pictures they say can have 1000 words, and words are often surface level thoughts that haven't been delved into. I like to get in a person's head and when I do that it's like the movie with Jennifer Lopez...I wanna go deeper and deeper until I'm in the core of their being. It's hard finding the person who will allow you in and be truly comfortable with showing you who they really are. I like to get there because when I do, I do things that make you happy and then you become aware of feelings you haven't experienced before. Once I'm in...I'm in.
     The opposite side of that power sword is that I have become very analytical when it comes to dating and getting to know someone. I have lost alot of the patience and forgiveness I once had. I am very straightforward in my dealings and don't hide things...because I feel if I'm interested I wanna give my all and expect the same in return. I can almost instantly tell when someone is changing. Funny that the lack of communication is the first thing I detect. The texts get shorter, the person becomes a bit busier with nothing in particular and the consistency dwindles. At the first sign, I'm ready to just forget the whole situation. Not a good thing. Am I too impatient? I have become so enthralled in what I want or what my expectations are that I don't give a person a chance to show me?
     Dating with powers is definitely something that is a work in progress for me. Like any superhuman you have to be able to control the powers stowed upon you and learn when and when not to use them. There aren't many of us out here and I think that's what makes so many relationships fly by night. I joke with my friends all the time about being the source of what powers people do have, and I say that because I know when someone is trying to use the powers they may have on me and it never works. When it comes to my heart I don't play and will automatically put up a shield if I think for a second you are trying to get me.
     So I have to learn to not to always have the shield up an let people in and then find the one who has the powers that help cultivate mine and experience the world of combined powers. The ultimately what we are superhumans looking for the power(s) that enhance and cultivate our own. There's one for all of us.

After Love at First Sight

     Have you ever looked into someone's eyes and fell in love? I know that sounds impossible but just sit back and think to yourself. I do mean figuratively tho, I don't think you actually fall in love; but I do feel that looking directly into another's eyes you do truly see that person for who they are.
I have always felt I can really see a person's true self but I experienced a different level of that last night that really caught me off guard. To the point that I wanted to never stop looking at them but also too shy to really look because I found myself realizing how I felt towards that person. Yes that giddy little girl smile and look away feeling lol. Then the thoughts started running.
     "Where do we go from here?" "Could this be what you've been looking for?" "How does he feel about me?" "Should I tell him how I feel?" "What if he is seeing someone?" "What if he rejects your feelings?" "Why are u thinking so much?" Yeah those thoughts. Interesting enough he wanted to know those thoughts, and at the exact moment.
     If you've kept up with me you know I'm extremely big on communication from the beginning of any relationship so I expressed SOME of the thoughts, and God that was the most embarrassing thing I've done in a while but it felt good. That kind of good where you blow out a breathe of relief when you're out of their sight.
     But the question remains where DO we go from here. I think this is where people go wrong...don't worry about that. Just continue to be consistent and allow life to unfold. Don't put expectations or thoughts about the future into play when it's only "day 2". You have to remember that nothing but a crazy stroke of luck or miracle changes things in a matter of 24 hours. Take your time and continue to do what you were doing before so that it happens naturally. You didn't wake up that day and decide that this person would intrigue/interest you, it just happened. So don't try and wake up today and decide that this is the person you're meant to be with for the rest of your life. If it's meant to be that way it will be. Enjoy the time spent together and be yourself and continue to do all the things that you feel require to get to where you want to be with that person. As long as the communication and honesty continue to thrive between the two of you; I doubt you all have no where to go but up.