Had a conversation with an associate last night about newly into relationships and why people feel they have to lie about their past when going into something new with someone. I feel people lie to themselves and judge themselves on past experiences because they have looked back on them and realized that what they feel they wanted at the that time wasn't exactly what they wanted at all. Now if a person judges themself, they automatically feel the world and the person they are in this new situation with are judging them as well; when in fact, no one is really paying that much attention to all of that. We put more emphasis on our own past then the people surrounding us.
Lets dive a little more into this matter and look at how this becomes a cycle of lies and false pretences. A person feels that they always have to be this perfect person when going into something new. A person that isn't who they really are because we all know that no one is perfect. We all have a past and we have all done things that we aren't so proud of. Any person who doesn't understand that really shouldn't be looking to be involved until they have come to grips with what they've done. That's apart of life that we all have to discover within ourselves. You can become someone else trying to please what you think another person wants in a person. You can only be someone you're not but for so long.
We've all played the game of "impersonation with friends" (I wonder if there's an app for that lol), where you pretend to be someone else and your friends have to guess who that person is. Notice how much energy it takes to play that role? So why in the world would you want to be someone other than who you are everyday of your life. That's a lot of wasted energy. Give the person you are getting involved with the person they are gonna wake up to 6 months from now in the beginning. When you give someone the truth about who you are, what you want, what your expectations, wants and needs are from the start they have no other choice but to decide where they want the two of you to go. Being not 100% true and honest only makes them fall for someone else and then wake up one day, you are being the real you and they are going to lose all interest. Then the problems start and you are sitting wondering where it all went wrong. Answer to that? In the beginning.
How can you expect someone to stay in a situation when they've spent all this time getting to know someone that doesn't even exist? They now see who you really are and they have to learn everything all over again. What would you do? What if they basically were living a lie, would you stay? We sometimes become so consumed in trying to prove people wrong for what ever reason that we become so many different people and are so unconscious that everyday a little bit of the true us disappears more and more. Then what are we left with. A lonely shell that's wondering why the love we really want never seems to appear.
Take the time to really sit down and look back over your past and see where it all went wrong. When did it first happen that you felt you had to portray something you weren't? The people around you can't place any judgement if you walk up with your head held high and understand that your past makes you who you are in the present. Take every past experience as a lesson and allow those experiences to drive you be a better individual in the future. Life is about growing and understanding that every is their own person for a reason, and you shouldn't be trying to be the next person because that person is already taken.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
After the Hurricane
After the hurricane why is it so calm? Where did all the craziness go? Did it travel to destroy the next country or island? Is this what happens when the hurricane of a good relationship goes astray. Where does all the energy to cause so much havoc go? And what does it leave us with? Just this mess of a broken heart ad shattered dreams?
Relationships are like the weather. We enjoy all the great times when we can relax and just go with the flow of wind and we are all smiles and kisses. The first minor storm occurs and only leaves small damage that we don't clean just rather straighten up, and the mess is still there. The sun comes back out and we are back to the happy, kissy face days I like to call em. Why dont we prepare for the next storm? Is it that we're so happy with sun that we forgot about what just happened when we were in the midst of it?
And just like the weather after sun another storm approaches...doing just a bit more damage that was already done because we didn't fix what was damaged from the last storm. This time we're angry at ourselves because we see we're back where we started only to find the problem has gotten worse. This is when we try and do something different and actually clean up the mess and but fix the foundation.
Once again the storm is over and we go right back to living what we think is normality. Going back to the ole cycle of life without planning to prepare the next time the forecast says danger.
What I want all of us to do is starting planning to prepare for the hurricane. The ultimate storm that's destroying and potentially great homes(relationships). The foundations needs to be in place so that no storm can destroy it. The foundation is yourself; you have to build this foundation by yourself and without the help of family or "friends". Make sure the decorations of your home are what you've bought and not what others have placed in you. Take each house, apt, room, basement prior as an example and don't bring unnecessary decorations that hurt the appearance of your new home.
I stand here looking at a community of houses that need new foundations before trying to add additions with broken foundations. It's after the hurricane and we need to ban together to make indestructible foundations.
Relationships are like the weather. We enjoy all the great times when we can relax and just go with the flow of wind and we are all smiles and kisses. The first minor storm occurs and only leaves small damage that we don't clean just rather straighten up, and the mess is still there. The sun comes back out and we are back to the happy, kissy face days I like to call em. Why dont we prepare for the next storm? Is it that we're so happy with sun that we forgot about what just happened when we were in the midst of it?
And just like the weather after sun another storm approaches...doing just a bit more damage that was already done because we didn't fix what was damaged from the last storm. This time we're angry at ourselves because we see we're back where we started only to find the problem has gotten worse. This is when we try and do something different and actually clean up the mess and but fix the foundation.
Once again the storm is over and we go right back to living what we think is normality. Going back to the ole cycle of life without planning to prepare the next time the forecast says danger.
What I want all of us to do is starting planning to prepare for the hurricane. The ultimate storm that's destroying and potentially great homes(relationships). The foundations needs to be in place so that no storm can destroy it. The foundation is yourself; you have to build this foundation by yourself and without the help of family or "friends". Make sure the decorations of your home are what you've bought and not what others have placed in you. Take each house, apt, room, basement prior as an example and don't bring unnecessary decorations that hurt the appearance of your new home.
I stand here looking at a community of houses that need new foundations before trying to add additions with broken foundations. It's after the hurricane and we need to ban together to make indestructible foundations.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Making The Other Half Whole
When did it become so important in a relationship to worry and care about the other person so much that we totally forget about ourselves? When was it instilled in our heads that as long as the other person in this relationship is happy, we will someday get what WE actually want? Have we seen so many dysfunctional relationships that we don't know what reciprocity is anymore and dysfunction has become the norm?
Well personally I'm tired of dysfunction, and tired of seeing it surround my life when I see so many unhappy people in these relationships. I wonder if some of you actually spent time getting to know yourselves for 30 days doing whatever it is YOU want to and like to do without having someone persuade you otherwise, then after regrouping and writing down what it is you want someone to add to that, would you actually WANT to be with the person you are with now. I'm almost positive a good 70% of you would be single instantly. The reason being you have put yourself on the back burner thinking you had to do so to prove to your partner that you care.
I believe a lot of us forget that what we want in a relationship is just as important as the other person's wants and needs. If you place all of your opinions, thoughts, wants, desires and creative energies to the side, then so will your partner. A person will do anything and everything you allow them to. If they see they always get what they want, they will continue to disregard your feelings and it will always keep you unhappy.
What is it that you really want in a relationship? How can you enhance the life you're living with the person you are with? Write down what it is you want from your partner. Is the person you laying with giving you 80% of what's on that list? Hell, are they giving you 50%? I started with 80% because its impossible to find someone that will give you 100, and if you have that person, then you need to disclose the software application you programmed them with! I just want more people to really sit back and get to know themselves and what it is they want before divulging themselves into these relationships where they lose who they are, and then wake up one day and realize they are miserable.
Also remove the materialistic items from the list. If you go into something looking for material, how do you expect to have a real relationship with expectations of things of a shelf life of only a season? Be truly honest with yourself about who you are and what you want and others will have no choice but to step up to the plate or step away. Put out the respect you want to receive and it will have no other option but present itself to you. Also stop expecting what you want to be the visual image you've set forth in your mind. Your soul mate could be someone that has been in your past that you disregarded because they weren't physically what you would normally look for. So after writing your list, look back at those that have crossed your path that is that 80%. You'll probably be greatly surprised at who they were.
In the end, we have to make sure that we are in the forefront of the relationship just as much as the other person. Don't become a clone to their beliefs, thoughts, ideas and wants. They were attracted to you for you being you, you should stay that way. If you find yourself getting lost, pull out the map you drew for yourself and get back on the right track. Even if that means leaving them at the campground.
Well personally I'm tired of dysfunction, and tired of seeing it surround my life when I see so many unhappy people in these relationships. I wonder if some of you actually spent time getting to know yourselves for 30 days doing whatever it is YOU want to and like to do without having someone persuade you otherwise, then after regrouping and writing down what it is you want someone to add to that, would you actually WANT to be with the person you are with now. I'm almost positive a good 70% of you would be single instantly. The reason being you have put yourself on the back burner thinking you had to do so to prove to your partner that you care.
I believe a lot of us forget that what we want in a relationship is just as important as the other person's wants and needs. If you place all of your opinions, thoughts, wants, desires and creative energies to the side, then so will your partner. A person will do anything and everything you allow them to. If they see they always get what they want, they will continue to disregard your feelings and it will always keep you unhappy.
What is it that you really want in a relationship? How can you enhance the life you're living with the person you are with? Write down what it is you want from your partner. Is the person you laying with giving you 80% of what's on that list? Hell, are they giving you 50%? I started with 80% because its impossible to find someone that will give you 100, and if you have that person, then you need to disclose the software application you programmed them with! I just want more people to really sit back and get to know themselves and what it is they want before divulging themselves into these relationships where they lose who they are, and then wake up one day and realize they are miserable.
Also remove the materialistic items from the list. If you go into something looking for material, how do you expect to have a real relationship with expectations of things of a shelf life of only a season? Be truly honest with yourself about who you are and what you want and others will have no choice but to step up to the plate or step away. Put out the respect you want to receive and it will have no other option but present itself to you. Also stop expecting what you want to be the visual image you've set forth in your mind. Your soul mate could be someone that has been in your past that you disregarded because they weren't physically what you would normally look for. So after writing your list, look back at those that have crossed your path that is that 80%. You'll probably be greatly surprised at who they were.
In the end, we have to make sure that we are in the forefront of the relationship just as much as the other person. Don't become a clone to their beliefs, thoughts, ideas and wants. They were attracted to you for you being you, you should stay that way. If you find yourself getting lost, pull out the map you drew for yourself and get back on the right track. Even if that means leaving them at the campground.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Men Aren't From Mars....
That old saying some things are just to be understood is so relevant when it comes to the subject matter of men. Now I know you wonder to yourself "how can a man say that??" And my answer to that is always "clearly I'm a different species"!!! LOL...
I say men aren't from Mars because if we really break down what we seem to know about martians, they are extremely intelligent beings! Now I'm not saying that men aren't intelligent, they just make the dumbest decisions, have the dumbest thought processes, and can just downright get on our last nerves sometimes!! See...things we don't understand.
For example, why do men stop working for something once they believe they have "gotten it"?? They do all this flaunting, styling, wining and dining to get what they want and the moment their successful they feel the work is done. Whether sex, a relationship, or whatever they feel they can relax and sit back while the other party continues to work. Is there part of us that allows them to feel this way. Are we working to keep them, or have we dropped our standards because we have them and don't keep them on their toes??
I've seen so many times in others' relationships (and in mine), in the beginning he does what you want or believe you want and the moment certain levels are reached he slacks more and more. It takes a while before we even realize it has happened until you've realized you're doing all the calling, making all the plans, saying the "I Love Yous" first and basically initiating everything. Why does he stop? What goes on in his head? What is he thinking?
I say its time to start asking him, because he will continue to slack if you continue to let. Keep your expectations changing and keeping him on his toes. Maybe if we change up on em every once in a while, they won't be able to get complacent. Complacency is no where to be in a relationship, because complacency leads to boredom which leads to lack of communication and we all know what lack of communication does to a relationship.
Start exploring the foreign planet their brain resides on and let's not keep believing it Mars. Even Martians come to our planet every now and then to see what's going on.
I say men aren't from Mars because if we really break down what we seem to know about martians, they are extremely intelligent beings! Now I'm not saying that men aren't intelligent, they just make the dumbest decisions, have the dumbest thought processes, and can just downright get on our last nerves sometimes!! See...things we don't understand.
For example, why do men stop working for something once they believe they have "gotten it"?? They do all this flaunting, styling, wining and dining to get what they want and the moment their successful they feel the work is done. Whether sex, a relationship, or whatever they feel they can relax and sit back while the other party continues to work. Is there part of us that allows them to feel this way. Are we working to keep them, or have we dropped our standards because we have them and don't keep them on their toes??
I've seen so many times in others' relationships (and in mine), in the beginning he does what you want or believe you want and the moment certain levels are reached he slacks more and more. It takes a while before we even realize it has happened until you've realized you're doing all the calling, making all the plans, saying the "I Love Yous" first and basically initiating everything. Why does he stop? What goes on in his head? What is he thinking?
I say its time to start asking him, because he will continue to slack if you continue to let. Keep your expectations changing and keeping him on his toes. Maybe if we change up on em every once in a while, they won't be able to get complacent. Complacency is no where to be in a relationship, because complacency leads to boredom which leads to lack of communication and we all know what lack of communication does to a relationship.
Start exploring the foreign planet their brain resides on and let's not keep believing it Mars. Even Martians come to our planet every now and then to see what's going on.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Someone Like You (Unsaid Words)
I heard that you're settled down that you've found a guy that you're married. Knowing you all the time told me that marriage wasn't necessary kinda makes me gag, but you always did shit that contrasted what you said. I heard that your dreams came true. I guess he gave you things that I couldn't give to you. Like the labels, and the big scene out in public. The unconditional love I had to offer wasn't enough for your ego. Or what you thought a relationship should be. Time and time again I sat around and thought you would change, when you had only decided to move on.
Old friend, the love of my life, why are you so shy ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light. Hell you were the light that brightened up the room. Is it because I've shown up and you can't hide your true feelings any longer, but here you stand about to make a decision that will ultimately destroy 3 lives. I hate turn up out the blue uninvited but I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight and I hoped that when you saw my face you'd be reminded it was over for me. I hope you understand it isn't for me because I think about you every single day of my life and I know you feel the same way by the look on your face.
But you know what, never mind I'll find someone like you I wish the best for you two. I know in the bottom of my heart that's an impossible task because there is no one like you and could never be. Don't forget me I beg and I'll remember you said sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead. That saying is the first and last thought of the day because those words were spoken from your mouth. And this is the point where it will hurt instead forever. Just don't forget me.
You know how the time flies seems like yesterday were the time of our lives we were born in a summer haze bound by our glory days. I mean I've only known you since I was 6 years old and you were my everything. You took a part of me, when I was first ready that you will always have with you. Now those are just memories that can only be held by the thought of you. All for us to move on. I really didn't wanna show up like this, but I wanted my face to be a reminder that for me this isn't over.
But like I said never mind I'll find someone like you, I really wish the best for you two. Nothing compares no worries or cares, regrets and mistakes are memories made. Who would've known how bittersweet this would taste. I mean just forget all the memories that we've made. They seem to mean nothing to you so I just have to move along. But you know what you would've thought this would actually feel like this.
But again I'll find someone like you I wish the best for you two. Live a happy fulfilled life and I will try. Don't forget me I beg and I'll remember you said sometimes is lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead. Forever.
Old friend, the love of my life, why are you so shy ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light. Hell you were the light that brightened up the room. Is it because I've shown up and you can't hide your true feelings any longer, but here you stand about to make a decision that will ultimately destroy 3 lives. I hate turn up out the blue uninvited but I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight and I hoped that when you saw my face you'd be reminded it was over for me. I hope you understand it isn't for me because I think about you every single day of my life and I know you feel the same way by the look on your face.
But you know what, never mind I'll find someone like you I wish the best for you two. I know in the bottom of my heart that's an impossible task because there is no one like you and could never be. Don't forget me I beg and I'll remember you said sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead. That saying is the first and last thought of the day because those words were spoken from your mouth. And this is the point where it will hurt instead forever. Just don't forget me.
You know how the time flies seems like yesterday were the time of our lives we were born in a summer haze bound by our glory days. I mean I've only known you since I was 6 years old and you were my everything. You took a part of me, when I was first ready that you will always have with you. Now those are just memories that can only be held by the thought of you. All for us to move on. I really didn't wanna show up like this, but I wanted my face to be a reminder that for me this isn't over.
But like I said never mind I'll find someone like you, I really wish the best for you two. Nothing compares no worries or cares, regrets and mistakes are memories made. Who would've known how bittersweet this would taste. I mean just forget all the memories that we've made. They seem to mean nothing to you so I just have to move along. But you know what you would've thought this would actually feel like this.
But again I'll find someone like you I wish the best for you two. Live a happy fulfilled life and I will try. Don't forget me I beg and I'll remember you said sometimes is lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead. Forever.
Friday, June 24, 2011
These Shoes
There's an old saying that goes "you could never walk a mile in my shoes". Now there are a lot of believe who believe that, but why do they believe it. The reason is you don't know the exact reasons why a person would say that in the first place. Could that be the reason behind the saying??
We never know what most people have gone through unless they verbally themselves display that information. So "walking in their shoes" is utterly impossible.
Now taking the literal version of that same phrase can have a whole different meaning. Now I can walk in any shoe, boot, pump (youtube me lol), sandal or flip flop given. But all of you reading can't say that...so I say to you..."You can't walk a mile in my shoes"...hehehe j/k!!
But the shoes in this picture haven't been through the same mile that the feet that occupy them have journeyed through. Why you ask? Because the shoes were just bought so they aren't old enough to have gone through the journey. That doesn't mean they are any less important because they will now do their job of a journey that they will then be able to tell a story. The feet are the most wise because without them leading the way this journey of life would be completely different and your views will then be different so therefore your actions.
I say this because judgement is rapid these days and it hinders a lot of possibly great relationships. Never out what the person looks like through their journey determine the journey you think they've encountered. Sit back and ask questions about their journey and you may find obstacles that they've come across just may be in your near future. Your feet will never take the same journey of their feet but you just might need their shoes.
You can have these when I'm done...
Friday, June 10, 2011
I Don't Normally do This but I can't refrain....
I'm not the type to go off on social networks because I sometimes feel like those rants are often ill needs for attention that ultimately won't be received. Not received because people don't have empathy or sympathy for the situation(s) stated, but because the QUANTITY of those situations. Quantities that make those situations too frequent.
But not to take this post to another subject (which is another post coming soon), I'm going to do this rant because I feel people around me forget that what you do in the dark will ALWAYS come to the light. And that karma is an evil bitch and also my best friend!!!
I was in a situation with this boi, who claimed to be a man, where I gave multiple situations of forgiveness when after the first one I shouldve learned my lesson. Now there was something about him...I guess the challenge, that kept me interested. Now though I am gonna blast his shit, I do take full responsibility of my actions because that would be immature of me no to. But he time after time of standing me up and lying about God knows what, got many more opportunities than one that I have gone on a date with got. But instead of trying to use that to his advantage he decided to continue lying and digging a deeper hole.
In one of his lies was that while we were together that he had slept with someone that I had known or had known me. And supposedly the reason for him telling me was because after not wanting to talk to the person again, the person had threatened to tell me themselves. Now at this point I decided to let the story slide (naivete kicked in) and give yet another chance. But this is where the story takes a turn.
The last draw was the last time he stood me up and basically admitted to it. This where the shit hits the fan...most recently this evening the other guy I mentioned earlier tweeted the name of this boi and I asked a simple question....ignored all attempts to rectify the situation. Now we all know I'm an observant bitch (hell how u think I get the ideas for these posts you love so mich lmao), so I can clearly put the pieces together and see that they been talking for the longest time. Not only did my naivete hinder me from seeing it but it allowed me to also be a pawn for when there was a hitch in their relationship. That's why he could never see me because then it would all hit the fan.
It amazes me how niggas don't think that they shit don't stink and they can do whatever they want. When does that thought come across their mind and they believe it. Are they that immature that they believe these fallacies of their imagination. I guess I'm the only one in the world who feels that you have to work for the things you want because only a few are born with that silver spoon. And that goes for love too. How do they expect to ever have a real relationship if they go into all of them with these ideals of their perfect world?
I know what it is!! It's the people who are weak minded enough to not realize wants going on and continue to fall deeper and deeper in lust with the bum. Yes lust....you can't fully love someone who doesn't even attempt to love in return. Its time for us to start following our guts and realizing when to cut them off. The first time!! Stop allowing these bois shaped like men living these false lives they've created. It only makes u a character in their story, and they have enjoying writing every page with your name attached.
Don't let the fear of being by yourself until the right one comes ultimately keep you unhappy because you have no real control of your heart.
But not to take this post to another subject (which is another post coming soon), I'm going to do this rant because I feel people around me forget that what you do in the dark will ALWAYS come to the light. And that karma is an evil bitch and also my best friend!!!
I was in a situation with this boi, who claimed to be a man, where I gave multiple situations of forgiveness when after the first one I shouldve learned my lesson. Now there was something about him...I guess the challenge, that kept me interested. Now though I am gonna blast his shit, I do take full responsibility of my actions because that would be immature of me no to. But he time after time of standing me up and lying about God knows what, got many more opportunities than one that I have gone on a date with got. But instead of trying to use that to his advantage he decided to continue lying and digging a deeper hole.
In one of his lies was that while we were together that he had slept with someone that I had known or had known me. And supposedly the reason for him telling me was because after not wanting to talk to the person again, the person had threatened to tell me themselves. Now at this point I decided to let the story slide (naivete kicked in) and give yet another chance. But this is where the story takes a turn.
The last draw was the last time he stood me up and basically admitted to it. This where the shit hits the fan...most recently this evening the other guy I mentioned earlier tweeted the name of this boi and I asked a simple question....ignored all attempts to rectify the situation. Now we all know I'm an observant bitch (hell how u think I get the ideas for these posts you love so mich lmao), so I can clearly put the pieces together and see that they been talking for the longest time. Not only did my naivete hinder me from seeing it but it allowed me to also be a pawn for when there was a hitch in their relationship. That's why he could never see me because then it would all hit the fan.
It amazes me how niggas don't think that they shit don't stink and they can do whatever they want. When does that thought come across their mind and they believe it. Are they that immature that they believe these fallacies of their imagination. I guess I'm the only one in the world who feels that you have to work for the things you want because only a few are born with that silver spoon. And that goes for love too. How do they expect to ever have a real relationship if they go into all of them with these ideals of their perfect world?
I know what it is!! It's the people who are weak minded enough to not realize wants going on and continue to fall deeper and deeper in lust with the bum. Yes lust....you can't fully love someone who doesn't even attempt to love in return. Its time for us to start following our guts and realizing when to cut them off. The first time!! Stop allowing these bois shaped like men living these false lives they've created. It only makes u a character in their story, and they have enjoying writing every page with your name attached.
Don't let the fear of being by yourself until the right one comes ultimately keep you unhappy because you have no real control of your heart.
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