Just Be!

There comes a time in life when one looks back and sees that they have been trying to hard to be something they aren't. Because my blogs speak to relatonship issues I wanna elaborate on this, being what you aren't to be in a relationship.

There are stages in a relationship that the parties go thru to establish what is to be now their relationship. The initial stage is what I've been told is called the "infatuation stage" or the "nothing can be wrong phase", in which, everything the other does is cute or that's who they are and you're so intrigued its okay because you're just getting to know them. No matter if its a pet peeve of yours or not. Step 1 in not "being" yourself. Next stage is a more serious stage because you're ready to go a lil deeper so you start spending more time together and the questions and conversations get more serious. This is where you start seeing more things that strike chords in your heart (good and bad). And you become more comfortable and start revealing more about your true self. And this is where "being" yourself is most important but most detrimental as well......yet we actually stop being ourselves.

Take for instance, something you do the other party doesn't actually take heed or like, you change or stop doing that thing because you really wanna be with that person or in their company....NOT being yourself. You start talking a certain way, dressing a certain, doing things differently! Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with adapting to certain things that you aren't accustomed to, but there is no need to change the person you are to sacrifice losing a relationship that hasn't even jumped off the ground yet. Have you looked at all the things the other party has done that may have rubbed you the wrong way?? Have they changed any of them, or is the fact that you played it to be smaller than it really is, and you've sort of not paid it any attention. We become so accustomed to trying to please the other for the sake of atrying to win them over we ultimately lose ourselves. I always say all you can do is give people information and let them decipher what they wanna do with that information.

This is where my "just be" philosophy kicks in. Just be yourself!! You can't be anyone else because if you could then you would. You have become who are you are by genetics, things you've learned, and experiences and decisions you've made. Why change them to fit into a box of ideas another person has for a relationship. Someone who reallys finds all the quirks and nuances about you fascinating is one that will overlook all the things that don't really matter to a relationships. You have to realize that there comes a time that who you are is what attracted the two of you so why do a complete change and become someone else?? Just be you and allow them to be themselves. The time as come for people to start being real 100% all the time even for those they strongly like, love, are infatuated with, etc. They are supposed to accept you flaws and all and vice versa. If not, then maybe you should start looking elsewhere.

You'll find in being who you are people are more accepting and mis or pre-judgements vanish and you're life becomes a lot easier because you are pleasing yourself. So when life starts to get confusing or out of wack...... Just be!

Holding onto Hope (The Search for what We Need)

"He gave you want you needed" he said, "yeah and then took it away" I said. Most of the time that's what we're in the search for....the love of our life to give us what we NEEDED. But what exactly do we need? Its not like we really need love to survive, so what is it? What is it that's lacking? That's an unsolved mystery but HOPE is what keeps us in the search.

Hope just like love and relationships is a double edged sword. It can bring the optimistic mindset that everything will be okay. Life is great when everything we "hope" for we get or get close to getting. Hope gives us the sense of everything that we wish for will one day come true. "The Secret" a book I have read several times pretty much teaches that thru visual and emotional belief all things can be. Is it me or is that hope?

Now what happens when we don't get what we want? We enter a state of continuously hoping that the love we want comes to fruition. So back to my first statement, getting what we need and then losing it. I at no point believe that people give someone want they need and purposely take it away. But that belief has been tested, and have learned a new outlook on it. There are people who have not a care in the world and pretty much do as they please when it comes to the matter of the heart. They are so guarded against feeling a certain way (vulnerable) that they close off all emotions except happiness and anger. All other emotions are pointless. They are holding to hope just as much as the person they so subconsciously have managed to bring into their world.

So what is there to hold onto?? If someone pretty much as shown that they have moved on, why is it so hard to let go? Is hope that mind erasing that you lose yourself in wishing that they would come around? Is hope something that happens when you get a glimpse of what you've been searching for all along and just couldn't grasp forever? It scares me to have had something so great, and may have lost what could have been. Yet, I hold on to the hope of the day it is. Let's just hope that at that point its what I want.