It Has Been Brought to My Attention

It has been brought to my attention that I have taken my eyes off the prize. I became so focused on things that aren't reality, that I started to live in a world of fiction and denial. I had a conversation with my mom and some of my close friends about life, love, sex, money and just about everything under the sun. And in the midst of the conversation why mind was wandering to so many different aspects of my life. We all know that this blog is about relationships and everything in between; but in typing all these posts I have not taken my own words and put them into action. Sometimes it may seem that I am against love, or I don't want you to be with the person you're with because of countless mistakes they've made. That is far from what I want to accomplish. I want you, my readers, to read my posts and realize that there is so much more to love than what's on the outside or what a person is scared to reveal from past experiences. And if you love someone enough all the small things don't matter and there is a bigger picture. But definitely never lose yourself in the fight. And that's where a lot of us (including myself) suffer.

The world of denial and fiction I spoke of earlier is a world where I am told myself over and over again that "it'll be alright" "they'll come around" or "maybe if you try this, that will work to get what you want". How many times or how many things do we have to try before we realize that we're fighting a one man battle. This one man battle is against yourself as well. Here you are trying everything against your better judgement because you want something that may not be to be. I told a friend jokingly that he doesn't go with the flow. He asked what did that mean, and I told him he's always fighting against the wind. POW!! It smacked me that in that exact moment, I was too! There's was something that I experienced earlier in the weekend that really surprised and hurt me at the same time. But ultimately, it had happened before so I should not have been shocked when it happened. As much as I told myself they were joking, the reality is that I started to go to the world of denial fighting the wind and telling myself they don't mean that. When actually I shouldve just said "ok stefan, move on". Well its a new day, and its time to turn to the wind and say wind take me where you want.

Some of us fight the wind because we live life in a state of fear of the unknown. We don't know where the wind will take us so therefore we fight it only to end up exactly where the wind was taking us all along. Only missing out on experiences because our back was turned to what we were supposed to see and experience. I have turned around and am taking the wind for a ride. I will see things for what they are and let each experience teach me a new lesson about life and love.

In the journey in trying to find love, I got lost in the journey to find myself and what it is I want. Its funny to me that when 2 people start to interact with each other with a special interest, and one starts to give the other things and emotions that they haven't experienced before, that when the other person expresses themselves the other person can receive that information in so many different ways. It has been brought to my attention that sometimes its better to hold information in because that information can be a determining factor in how things play out. Just go with the flow and allow things to prosper as they may. And when they don't necessarily go as you may have wished just take it as a lesson learned and move forward. The old cliche saying let it go and if it returns it was meant to be yours is very true..

Life is about experiencing new frontiers and learning about other people but mainly learning about yourself. Never lose yourself in the search for anything other than what you know deep down in heart is what YOU really want. Not money, not love, not even lust. In the end, you can't take any of that with when your time has come and the wind as stopped blowing.