"When the Time is Right"

Have you ever felt that any relationship you've encountered doesnt work out?? I dont just mean sexual or dating..I'm talking about ALL relationships....

I wanna dedicate this post to how I feel about that situation. There comes a time in your life when a little part of feels like you just dont wanna be bothered. This is more than a gut feeling, this is a higher being telling you "the timing isn't right"! And Lord this being is correct. You cannot start a new endeavor, relationship, friendship or hobby if you aren't completely done with another. Instant gratification does NOT lead to long term happiness. Happiness is something that takes steps and is a process that has to be followed. Instant gratification doesn't lead to fulfillment in life. Instant gratification doesn't lead to prosperity. Instant gratification only leads to heartache, drama, and loss of lack of self respect.

Self respect is something that somehow over the years gone down the drain. You cannot love the next person if you cant look in the mirror and see greatness in yourself. Love has to be exuded from within in order for the outside world to see. Have you ever known someone with low self confidence to have a happy and prosperous relationship whether love or friendship? Most of you said NO, because no one wants to be around someone who doesnt see themselves fit to be around other people. No one wants to be around a "party pooper". Start looking at yourself as a treasure that someone is ready to open and enjoy the perks. Monetary perks arent always the best if you dont have someone to share them with.

The steps to happiness are many and dont come easy, and the skills that are needed to proceed to the next step are open mindedness, trust, communication and just an open ear and heart to something new. Stop treating all new relationships like past ones. This is a new experience, so treat it as such. Have fun and let whatever may come come... but first be ready for it! In being ready you have to make sure that all thing that make you happy are in order. Career, home, self happiness, confidence, goals and aspirations, and the willingness to love. If these things arent together...."the time isn't right". Your inner being will definitely let you know when the time is right. You will always be happy, things will be less stressful and you will have a sense of everything falling into place. And when those stars are aligned, that higher power will say "this time is right and now here is our reward". Love is a reward for you doing what you are supposed to do for yourself first, and is a great reward when can be fully enjoyed.

So in closing my thoughts on timing are.... take your time and stop looking for love and let it reveal itself, when you are supposed to experience all that love has to offer it will be a great reward, get yourself together before trying to give all to the next person, and time tells all....the higher being will know "When the Time is Right"

LOVE2010

It seems to me like 2010 is the year for love. 2009...not so much! When that clock struck 12, I told my friends that I would have someone to call my own by my birthday; but I wasn't going to go look for it, it would have to present itself to me just like it would've last year. Coming out of a 4 year relationship I have found that I can see bullshit from a mile away; and not that I was running from love or a relationship, i just knew what I didn't want and stay out of its way.

There's an old saying that when you stop looking for something it appears right in front of you. Thats why I always tell people stop going out looking for a relationship, a man or woman, or love. Let it come to you! It will definitely happen when you're ready and you least expect it. It will also come in the form of something that you normally wouldn't expect it to come from. It will be from a happy place, just a place you wouldn't normally "look". I think that's what makes love so special. It's uninhibited, true, genuine, carefree, and stress is nowhere to be found.

But of course there is the flip side. Love doesnt come without the bad. But both parties have to be willing to strongly work towards the same goal. Get to know each other before falling in love, and there will be less work and more fun. In getting to know the other you'll find that there are things that irritate the hell out of you, but if this party gives you their all and you do the same you'll find that those bad things aren't really that important. Don't judge based on past experiences either. Stop saying "my ex did this so I'm scared", or "all boys are the same"! They are NOT! They may not be worth a damn.... lol (just kidding), but you cant compare two alike.

It again takes two, so you have to work for it as well. You have to be open and honest and give yourself more than you ever have. It will definitely feel uncomfortable at first, but like any habit continuously do it and it becomes more natural. This way he sees all of you and he can decide what he wants to do from there and vice versa. As grown adults, especially in the gay community, we need to step up and grow up and stop putting on the facades of what reality wants us to be. I never believe that two stereotypical gay men will last because they arent being themselves. Also, stop prejudging each other on how people act. I love to be the center of attention, so I may act one way out in public but may be the exact opposite in the privacy of my home with you (my spouse, date, bf, etc.). So just because I may vogue, walk runway, and snap my finger doesn't mean I want you to climb my back.

The love process is a long and sometimes thought provoking process but that definitely makes it all the while. Go in it for the long haul and the reward will be great! Let's make Love2010 the new motto...until next time

PEACE

Mistaken Thoughts

Have you ever been into someone so much you have mistaken thoughts?? Mistaken thoughts are those thoughts that something is wrong. Often times these thoughts come from wanting to talk to someone so bad and when you dont, you think they are upset or over you. Most of the time its just your yearning for them thats taking over the good thoughts. Stop right there! Just let it be... dont press an issue that isnt really there because then it causes problems. Especially if there is no title...you arent necessarily entitled to speak to them when YOU want. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is not just a cliche thought, but is something that is very true. Just look at the situation...again you need to miss them so you dont get over them from seeing them so much. Fight through that yearning and when you get to talk to, see, or touch that person it will be sooooo much better and you'll find that those moments are endless. Dont take those feelings as fear as something is wrong...Mistaken Thoughts! Mistaken thoughts can also be thoughts in which you arent supposed to feel the way you do about someone. This can have many examples, but the one that sticks out in my mind is being attracted to someone who your technically forbidden to feel that way for i.e. your friend's "date" or "crush". I have to say that their are couple of my friends that are either in relationship or have a crush on someone and I want them. Mistake thoughts run through my head like "he should like me" or "thats doin shows you arent even supposed to be with talking to him". I shouldn't feel that way I should be happy, but guess what... that's LIFE. Sometimes you have to look from the outside perspective and you'll realize somethings aren't meant to be for a reason. A reason you will realize when the time is right. Dont try to force something that shouldn't be. You cant put to positive ends of a magnet together, so dont try to put to negative personalities togehter. It doesn't work out!!

So basically to sum this up, let those Mistaken Thoughts go and dont let them cloud your mind, and cause issues that dont even need to be. Be open minded and let things be how they are supposed to be.

Peace

You (Directly/Indirectly)

You were the one that with one glance of the eye could melt my world. Everything was perfect then. No arguments or fussing and fighting. Where did it go wrong?? When I didnt say goodmorning a certain way or when I didnt kiss you goodnight with a wet enough kiss?? You aren't barely speaking and the space between us is growing larger and larger, so large I can't take it anymore. So I have to take this time to go and be happy. I love you, but I can love you from afar. This is it! Goodbye...

Now I used that from my imagination as to what a lot of people in my generation seem to be afraid to say when they are "over" someone. Instead of just saying it was great but its time to part; they have to fight, scream, cuss and fuss. And God forbid the next man try and attempt to be with him. All hell breaks loose. Thats what confuses me, you dont want him, but he cant have him. HA! Foolishness,and if at any point you try and justify that thought you need to get help. Yeah you can love him/her, but let them go. And especially if you have moved on and are dating publicly.

Goodbye is not necessarily a bad thing when there is an amicable separation. The biggest part of it being amicable is being able to communicate the issues and problems that have come and made this the final decision. But it honestly this would not have happened if you were communicating earlier in the relationship. No you wanted that instant gratification of being in a "relationship", that you didnt even like him. You fell for the looks and not what was inside. And now you sit here dazed and confused trying to figure out what went wrong. It was wrong from the beginning.... just say Goodbye

peace

BagPeople

We all know that you have to look at the past to see where you're going, but a lot of you hold on to too much of what should've been dropped off. The first thing is people, people that have hurt you in some way and you continue to hold onto. 98% of the time the person you are holding onto the most has completely moved in with their lives. If they have hurt you, you must forgive (not foget) and move on for yourself. Once you have done this you will notice how your life changes...less stress, and worrying about them. Now there is another side of that aspect and that's love. I have to say that there is one person in my life that I cannot let go of because I am still in love with them. Now I do know that we cannot be with each other, but I still care about his well-being and happiness. Nor do let my love for him destroy other relationships. I have let him go, and wish him well. When you and lover part, let it go and move on and let that be a lesson that you learn from. But dont take a bad relationship with you to the next, and please dont treat the next person like its where you left off with the last. Another thing that is held on to is past altercations. If you have an argument with someone (lover, mother, sister, friend) and there is some conclusion to it. Leave it there! Dont keep bringing it up over and over in other arguments...get everything you need to say out and so that you both can move on. That is one of the biggest pet peeves of mine, is for someone to say they are over it, and as soon as they get the first chance they bring up the hold on! Get over it and let it go. Additional baggage and stress in your life..drop the bags!! Once these bags are dropped you will feel a sense of freedom and that nothing can hold you back! Be blessed!

Peace

The Me You Don't Know

So I asked around to see what people thought would be a good topic for my first post of my new blog "Thoughts of a Shady Mind", and I got an interesting response from a friend named Kris. He said "you should talk about your youth"; and initially this caught me off guard because I feel that I am still young. So I asked him what age range was he talking about. He said from about 9 to 17 and automatically I had so many thoughts run through my head. In that time (around 9-13) of my life so many things occurred that i can say starting the boiling water of who I am today. Believe it or not it was around ths time that I realized that I was homosexual and had a "strange" attraction to men, but it (the feeling) seemed so natural. Even after realizing that I was attracted to men, I told myself it was right and suppressed it for the next 3 to 4 years. My family had moved to NC when i turned 11 and it was completely different than what I had been accustomed to in DC, but nonetheless I was young and didn't really know any different. I played basketball, football, and ran track and boys were the last thing on my mind, hell girls were too lol....but I was young and was a "normal" boy. The life of homosexuality didn't re-enter my life until I turned 14 and returned to DC to attend Duke Ellington School of the Performing Arts. When I got here I was in utter shock of how "the life" was so open AND not to mention so accepted. In NC, it just wasnt talked about. Now dont get me wrong I did have a couple of episodes closer to this age, and I will refrain from using names, but I wasnt a stranger to it. I learned alot when I got to that school and I will never forget the person who opened their arms to me and showed me the ropes. His name is Will Ridley, I love him with all my heart and just want to thank him for showing me not to take bullshit from anyone. Although I was only at Duke for a year that was one of the longest most enjoyable years of my life..or so I thought (that's another later post). I then transferred to Potomac High in Oxon Hill, MD and here is where my reign began. Started off as a quiet non-speaking (yeah i didnt say a word lol) sophomore, but by the spring of 1997 I was in full blossom and everyone loved me. I was the one to watch out for, and new I had a special calling to entertain in some fashion. I met some great friends whom I still hang out with today, and some great times. Had my first full fledge gay relationship and came out to my family. Graduated high school and the fireball was lit, and there was and still is NO stopping me! Well more to come, dont be afraid to post comments and questions and will make sure I try my best to get to everyone!

Peace