Had a conversation with an associate last night about newly into relationships and why people feel they have to lie about their past when going into something new with someone. I feel people lie to themselves and judge themselves on past experiences because they have looked back on them and realized that what they feel they wanted at the that time wasn't exactly what they wanted at all. Now if a person judges themself, they automatically feel the world and the person they are in this new situation with are judging them as well; when in fact, no one is really paying that much attention to all of that. We put more emphasis on our own past then the people surrounding us.
Lets dive a little more into this matter and look at how this becomes a cycle of lies and false pretences. A person feels that they always have to be this perfect person when going into something new. A person that isn't who they really are because we all know that no one is perfect. We all have a past and we have all done things that we aren't so proud of. Any person who doesn't understand that really shouldn't be looking to be involved until they have come to grips with what they've done. That's apart of life that we all have to discover within ourselves. You can become someone else trying to please what you think another person wants in a person. You can only be someone you're not but for so long.
We've all played the game of "impersonation with friends" (I wonder if there's an app for that lol), where you pretend to be someone else and your friends have to guess who that person is. Notice how much energy it takes to play that role? So why in the world would you want to be someone other than who you are everyday of your life. That's a lot of wasted energy. Give the person you are getting involved with the person they are gonna wake up to 6 months from now in the beginning. When you give someone the truth about who you are, what you want, what your expectations, wants and needs are from the start they have no other choice but to decide where they want the two of you to go. Being not 100% true and honest only makes them fall for someone else and then wake up one day, you are being the real you and they are going to lose all interest. Then the problems start and you are sitting wondering where it all went wrong. Answer to that? In the beginning.
How can you expect someone to stay in a situation when they've spent all this time getting to know someone that doesn't even exist? They now see who you really are and they have to learn everything all over again. What would you do? What if they basically were living a lie, would you stay? We sometimes become so consumed in trying to prove people wrong for what ever reason that we become so many different people and are so unconscious that everyday a little bit of the true us disappears more and more. Then what are we left with. A lonely shell that's wondering why the love we really want never seems to appear.
Take the time to really sit down and look back over your past and see where it all went wrong. When did it first happen that you felt you had to portray something you weren't? The people around you can't place any judgement if you walk up with your head held high and understand that your past makes you who you are in the present. Take every past experience as a lesson and allow those experiences to drive you be a better individual in the future. Life is about growing and understanding that every is their own person for a reason, and you shouldn't be trying to be the next person because that person is already taken.
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
After the Hurricane
After the hurricane why is it so calm? Where did all the craziness go? Did it travel to destroy the next country or island? Is this what happens when the hurricane of a good relationship goes astray. Where does all the energy to cause so much havoc go? And what does it leave us with? Just this mess of a broken heart ad shattered dreams?
Relationships are like the weather. We enjoy all the great times when we can relax and just go with the flow of wind and we are all smiles and kisses. The first minor storm occurs and only leaves small damage that we don't clean just rather straighten up, and the mess is still there. The sun comes back out and we are back to the happy, kissy face days I like to call em. Why dont we prepare for the next storm? Is it that we're so happy with sun that we forgot about what just happened when we were in the midst of it?
And just like the weather after sun another storm approaches...doing just a bit more damage that was already done because we didn't fix what was damaged from the last storm. This time we're angry at ourselves because we see we're back where we started only to find the problem has gotten worse. This is when we try and do something different and actually clean up the mess and but fix the foundation.
Once again the storm is over and we go right back to living what we think is normality. Going back to the ole cycle of life without planning to prepare the next time the forecast says danger.
What I want all of us to do is starting planning to prepare for the hurricane. The ultimate storm that's destroying and potentially great homes(relationships). The foundations needs to be in place so that no storm can destroy it. The foundation is yourself; you have to build this foundation by yourself and without the help of family or "friends". Make sure the decorations of your home are what you've bought and not what others have placed in you. Take each house, apt, room, basement prior as an example and don't bring unnecessary decorations that hurt the appearance of your new home.
I stand here looking at a community of houses that need new foundations before trying to add additions with broken foundations. It's after the hurricane and we need to ban together to make indestructible foundations.
Relationships are like the weather. We enjoy all the great times when we can relax and just go with the flow of wind and we are all smiles and kisses. The first minor storm occurs and only leaves small damage that we don't clean just rather straighten up, and the mess is still there. The sun comes back out and we are back to the happy, kissy face days I like to call em. Why dont we prepare for the next storm? Is it that we're so happy with sun that we forgot about what just happened when we were in the midst of it?
And just like the weather after sun another storm approaches...doing just a bit more damage that was already done because we didn't fix what was damaged from the last storm. This time we're angry at ourselves because we see we're back where we started only to find the problem has gotten worse. This is when we try and do something different and actually clean up the mess and but fix the foundation.
Once again the storm is over and we go right back to living what we think is normality. Going back to the ole cycle of life without planning to prepare the next time the forecast says danger.
What I want all of us to do is starting planning to prepare for the hurricane. The ultimate storm that's destroying and potentially great homes(relationships). The foundations needs to be in place so that no storm can destroy it. The foundation is yourself; you have to build this foundation by yourself and without the help of family or "friends". Make sure the decorations of your home are what you've bought and not what others have placed in you. Take each house, apt, room, basement prior as an example and don't bring unnecessary decorations that hurt the appearance of your new home.
I stand here looking at a community of houses that need new foundations before trying to add additions with broken foundations. It's after the hurricane and we need to ban together to make indestructible foundations.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Making The Other Half Whole
When did it become so important in a relationship to worry and care about the other person so much that we totally forget about ourselves? When was it instilled in our heads that as long as the other person in this relationship is happy, we will someday get what WE actually want? Have we seen so many dysfunctional relationships that we don't know what reciprocity is anymore and dysfunction has become the norm?
Well personally I'm tired of dysfunction, and tired of seeing it surround my life when I see so many unhappy people in these relationships. I wonder if some of you actually spent time getting to know yourselves for 30 days doing whatever it is YOU want to and like to do without having someone persuade you otherwise, then after regrouping and writing down what it is you want someone to add to that, would you actually WANT to be with the person you are with now. I'm almost positive a good 70% of you would be single instantly. The reason being you have put yourself on the back burner thinking you had to do so to prove to your partner that you care.
I believe a lot of us forget that what we want in a relationship is just as important as the other person's wants and needs. If you place all of your opinions, thoughts, wants, desires and creative energies to the side, then so will your partner. A person will do anything and everything you allow them to. If they see they always get what they want, they will continue to disregard your feelings and it will always keep you unhappy.
What is it that you really want in a relationship? How can you enhance the life you're living with the person you are with? Write down what it is you want from your partner. Is the person you laying with giving you 80% of what's on that list? Hell, are they giving you 50%? I started with 80% because its impossible to find someone that will give you 100, and if you have that person, then you need to disclose the software application you programmed them with! I just want more people to really sit back and get to know themselves and what it is they want before divulging themselves into these relationships where they lose who they are, and then wake up one day and realize they are miserable.
Also remove the materialistic items from the list. If you go into something looking for material, how do you expect to have a real relationship with expectations of things of a shelf life of only a season? Be truly honest with yourself about who you are and what you want and others will have no choice but to step up to the plate or step away. Put out the respect you want to receive and it will have no other option but present itself to you. Also stop expecting what you want to be the visual image you've set forth in your mind. Your soul mate could be someone that has been in your past that you disregarded because they weren't physically what you would normally look for. So after writing your list, look back at those that have crossed your path that is that 80%. You'll probably be greatly surprised at who they were.
In the end, we have to make sure that we are in the forefront of the relationship just as much as the other person. Don't become a clone to their beliefs, thoughts, ideas and wants. They were attracted to you for you being you, you should stay that way. If you find yourself getting lost, pull out the map you drew for yourself and get back on the right track. Even if that means leaving them at the campground.
Well personally I'm tired of dysfunction, and tired of seeing it surround my life when I see so many unhappy people in these relationships. I wonder if some of you actually spent time getting to know yourselves for 30 days doing whatever it is YOU want to and like to do without having someone persuade you otherwise, then after regrouping and writing down what it is you want someone to add to that, would you actually WANT to be with the person you are with now. I'm almost positive a good 70% of you would be single instantly. The reason being you have put yourself on the back burner thinking you had to do so to prove to your partner that you care.
I believe a lot of us forget that what we want in a relationship is just as important as the other person's wants and needs. If you place all of your opinions, thoughts, wants, desires and creative energies to the side, then so will your partner. A person will do anything and everything you allow them to. If they see they always get what they want, they will continue to disregard your feelings and it will always keep you unhappy.
What is it that you really want in a relationship? How can you enhance the life you're living with the person you are with? Write down what it is you want from your partner. Is the person you laying with giving you 80% of what's on that list? Hell, are they giving you 50%? I started with 80% because its impossible to find someone that will give you 100, and if you have that person, then you need to disclose the software application you programmed them with! I just want more people to really sit back and get to know themselves and what it is they want before divulging themselves into these relationships where they lose who they are, and then wake up one day and realize they are miserable.
Also remove the materialistic items from the list. If you go into something looking for material, how do you expect to have a real relationship with expectations of things of a shelf life of only a season? Be truly honest with yourself about who you are and what you want and others will have no choice but to step up to the plate or step away. Put out the respect you want to receive and it will have no other option but present itself to you. Also stop expecting what you want to be the visual image you've set forth in your mind. Your soul mate could be someone that has been in your past that you disregarded because they weren't physically what you would normally look for. So after writing your list, look back at those that have crossed your path that is that 80%. You'll probably be greatly surprised at who they were.
In the end, we have to make sure that we are in the forefront of the relationship just as much as the other person. Don't become a clone to their beliefs, thoughts, ideas and wants. They were attracted to you for you being you, you should stay that way. If you find yourself getting lost, pull out the map you drew for yourself and get back on the right track. Even if that means leaving them at the campground.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Your Name Makes You
You know I've come to realize that a lot of people don't know how detrimental their name can really be. It doesn't take winning a prize or becoming a millionaire for your name to get around faster than you do. And this can cause all different types of reactions from people upon your first encounter with them.
I say this because recently I had a conversation with friends and i just had to talk about this. Have you ever encountered someone that you didn't necessarily know upon first seeing them, but when a friend of yours mentioned their name all the attractiveness went out the window?? That's exactly what I am talking about. You've heard about every Tom, Dick and Harry that they've been with and they become an unattractive "hoe".
I am not that much older but the younger generation really pisses me off because when I am out I know about 80% of the shit that goes on in these little circles, and each and every one of them are combined and intertwined by atleast 2 of the people in them. Which is quite scary to me! This only lets me know that either most of either too immature to leave your friends dates alone, or too insecure to break the mold of what you see your friends doing. I have always been the one to date the person I found attractive and not my friends. That's for two reasons....1 I don't have to worry about them trying to talk to my partner and 2 I set my own accord to what I want. My friends aren't going to be the one that wakes up to my partner every morning so therefore they don't get to tell me what is attractive or not.
Sex is another thing that I find that a lot of you are using to intertwine this circles. You have these conversations about what happens, how good he was, how big his "meat" is and when you find that interesting, you secretly go after (and I find that you often succeed) the leftovers your friend, ex date, bestie as already experienced. Just down right NASTY if you ask me. Mind you the whole time, the boy who's getting all the ass, has a confidante (like myself) that they are telling all your business to. And thus, your reputation is built.
Now you are going around doing all this, and not even realizing that the decisions you are making in your personal relationships is gathering and gathering and making you look like something that you may not necessarily truly be because you are satisfying only the desires of your body and not your heart. Then you gain this maturity and are truly ready to settle down. But what happens is, you've been doing you for so long when it's time to settle down you, the ones that are truly worth your time don't want to be bothered because your name as been mentioned so often in the dirt around the city they don't even give you the time of day. Therefore you go thru all this time of being single trying to fix the reputation of false identity because of your past.
I just want some of you to really evaluate the decisions you make when starting to involve yourselves in these escapades of "relationships". Because what you think you are hiding, is actually presenting itself without your knowledge and can only damage your image faster than you think it will. Just mature and really evaluate the person you are about to date, or just have a one night (sometime multiple night)stand with. It only takes 1 second for you to become the "hoe" of the city.
#thinkaboutit
I say this because recently I had a conversation with friends and i just had to talk about this. Have you ever encountered someone that you didn't necessarily know upon first seeing them, but when a friend of yours mentioned their name all the attractiveness went out the window?? That's exactly what I am talking about. You've heard about every Tom, Dick and Harry that they've been with and they become an unattractive "hoe".
I am not that much older but the younger generation really pisses me off because when I am out I know about 80% of the shit that goes on in these little circles, and each and every one of them are combined and intertwined by atleast 2 of the people in them. Which is quite scary to me! This only lets me know that either most of either too immature to leave your friends dates alone, or too insecure to break the mold of what you see your friends doing. I have always been the one to date the person I found attractive and not my friends. That's for two reasons....1 I don't have to worry about them trying to talk to my partner and 2 I set my own accord to what I want. My friends aren't going to be the one that wakes up to my partner every morning so therefore they don't get to tell me what is attractive or not.
Sex is another thing that I find that a lot of you are using to intertwine this circles. You have these conversations about what happens, how good he was, how big his "meat" is and when you find that interesting, you secretly go after (and I find that you often succeed) the leftovers your friend, ex date, bestie as already experienced. Just down right NASTY if you ask me. Mind you the whole time, the boy who's getting all the ass, has a confidante (like myself) that they are telling all your business to. And thus, your reputation is built.
Now you are going around doing all this, and not even realizing that the decisions you are making in your personal relationships is gathering and gathering and making you look like something that you may not necessarily truly be because you are satisfying only the desires of your body and not your heart. Then you gain this maturity and are truly ready to settle down. But what happens is, you've been doing you for so long when it's time to settle down you, the ones that are truly worth your time don't want to be bothered because your name as been mentioned so often in the dirt around the city they don't even give you the time of day. Therefore you go thru all this time of being single trying to fix the reputation of false identity because of your past.
I just want some of you to really evaluate the decisions you make when starting to involve yourselves in these escapades of "relationships". Because what you think you are hiding, is actually presenting itself without your knowledge and can only damage your image faster than you think it will. Just mature and really evaluate the person you are about to date, or just have a one night (sometime multiple night)stand with. It only takes 1 second for you to become the "hoe" of the city.
#thinkaboutit
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
"When the Time is Right"
Have you ever felt that any relationship you've encountered doesnt work out?? I dont just mean sexual or dating..I'm talking about ALL relationships....
I wanna dedicate this post to how I feel about that situation. There comes a time in your life when a little part of feels like you just dont wanna be bothered. This is more than a gut feeling, this is a higher being telling you "the timing isn't right"! And Lord this being is correct. You cannot start a new endeavor, relationship, friendship or hobby if you aren't completely done with another. Instant gratification does NOT lead to long term happiness. Happiness is something that takes steps and is a process that has to be followed. Instant gratification doesn't lead to fulfillment in life. Instant gratification doesn't lead to prosperity. Instant gratification only leads to heartache, drama, and loss of lack of self respect.
Self respect is something that somehow over the years gone down the drain. You cannot love the next person if you cant look in the mirror and see greatness in yourself. Love has to be exuded from within in order for the outside world to see. Have you ever known someone with low self confidence to have a happy and prosperous relationship whether love or friendship? Most of you said NO, because no one wants to be around someone who doesnt see themselves fit to be around other people. No one wants to be around a "party pooper". Start looking at yourself as a treasure that someone is ready to open and enjoy the perks. Monetary perks arent always the best if you dont have someone to share them with.
The steps to happiness are many and dont come easy, and the skills that are needed to proceed to the next step are open mindedness, trust, communication and just an open ear and heart to something new. Stop treating all new relationships like past ones. This is a new experience, so treat it as such. Have fun and let whatever may come come... but first be ready for it! In being ready you have to make sure that all thing that make you happy are in order. Career, home, self happiness, confidence, goals and aspirations, and the willingness to love. If these things arent together...."the time isn't right". Your inner being will definitely let you know when the time is right. You will always be happy, things will be less stressful and you will have a sense of everything falling into place. And when those stars are aligned, that higher power will say "this time is right and now here is our reward". Love is a reward for you doing what you are supposed to do for yourself first, and is a great reward when can be fully enjoyed.
So in closing my thoughts on timing are.... take your time and stop looking for love and let it reveal itself, when you are supposed to experience all that love has to offer it will be a great reward, get yourself together before trying to give all to the next person, and time tells all....the higher being will know "When the Time is Right"
I wanna dedicate this post to how I feel about that situation. There comes a time in your life when a little part of feels like you just dont wanna be bothered. This is more than a gut feeling, this is a higher being telling you "the timing isn't right"! And Lord this being is correct. You cannot start a new endeavor, relationship, friendship or hobby if you aren't completely done with another. Instant gratification does NOT lead to long term happiness. Happiness is something that takes steps and is a process that has to be followed. Instant gratification doesn't lead to fulfillment in life. Instant gratification doesn't lead to prosperity. Instant gratification only leads to heartache, drama, and loss of lack of self respect.
Self respect is something that somehow over the years gone down the drain. You cannot love the next person if you cant look in the mirror and see greatness in yourself. Love has to be exuded from within in order for the outside world to see. Have you ever known someone with low self confidence to have a happy and prosperous relationship whether love or friendship? Most of you said NO, because no one wants to be around someone who doesnt see themselves fit to be around other people. No one wants to be around a "party pooper". Start looking at yourself as a treasure that someone is ready to open and enjoy the perks. Monetary perks arent always the best if you dont have someone to share them with.
The steps to happiness are many and dont come easy, and the skills that are needed to proceed to the next step are open mindedness, trust, communication and just an open ear and heart to something new. Stop treating all new relationships like past ones. This is a new experience, so treat it as such. Have fun and let whatever may come come... but first be ready for it! In being ready you have to make sure that all thing that make you happy are in order. Career, home, self happiness, confidence, goals and aspirations, and the willingness to love. If these things arent together...."the time isn't right". Your inner being will definitely let you know when the time is right. You will always be happy, things will be less stressful and you will have a sense of everything falling into place. And when those stars are aligned, that higher power will say "this time is right and now here is our reward". Love is a reward for you doing what you are supposed to do for yourself first, and is a great reward when can be fully enjoyed.
So in closing my thoughts on timing are.... take your time and stop looking for love and let it reveal itself, when you are supposed to experience all that love has to offer it will be a great reward, get yourself together before trying to give all to the next person, and time tells all....the higher being will know "When the Time is Right"
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