Forgiveness is Just a Band-aid

You know it baffles me how the old saying goes "forgive those who hurt you for you hold the burden more than they". There are so many feelings I have towards this, but the major feeling that pokes at me is how many times are you to forgive someone you're in a relationship with???

I tell people all the time because I strongly believe this...forgive is better for the other person because subconsciously they feel they have gotten away with whatever wrong doing they have committed. Now I am not against forgiveness but what do you, the forgiver, get in return?? A peace of mind?? Hell, they isn't always enough! I don't condone revenge or tit for tat but they didn't something I didn't like, why should I say "ok I forgive just don't let it happen again" and move on? Yes, they may be sorry and sincerely apologetic but what is the real consequence?

I speak to a lot of my friends about their relationships and almost 85% of them have been wronged over and over and yet they forgive, and most of the time still harbor ill feelings toward the situation. This is because they aren't over it. When someone you genuinely care about or love does something that hurts you or gets under your skin, forgiveness may help but until you make them feel as uncomfortable as you feel, it will continue to happen. That's the subconscious "I got away with it" I speak of. In their mind, if you talk about it for 5 to 10 minutes, say you're over or move on without feeling better, they aren't gonna bring it up anymore. And 9 times out of time are gonna push the boundaries further. This doesn't just go for infidelity, but neglect, non-communication, selfishness, and lack of attention are included as well. In most cases those hurt more than cheating. I'll talk about that another time.

So what exactly does forgiveness do?? It only appeases a situation, NOT heal the situation. A situation isn't healed in my opinion until the person at fault gets in a position where they fully and totally feel the pain or uneasy feelings they put the other person in. They need to be shown that it just won't be "I forgive you, don't let it happen again" and the subject is changed and life is normal again. That only places resentment and a loss of trust in the relationship and its never the same. The jokes become less and less funnier, the hugs get softer and softer, and the person starts to look different.

Forgiveness is only a band-aid for the scar but where's the healing ointment??