I don’t know about you, but I have encountered so many relationships recently that are purely out of convenience. Now I know you’re wondering “Shade what the hell you talking bout??” Have you looked at someone’s relationship and thought to yourself that only one person seems to be the benefactor from the relationship?? That’s what I call a “convenience store” relationship. Come in when you need something, do what you need to do get to what you need and go back to your normal routine until something else runs out. Now these are the common products like tissue, bread or milk. I’m talking about sex, that pep talk, a hug, that arm piece when you all go out, or someone just to say “that’s my man”. But like I said I see so many of these and 9 times out of 10, the person on the short end of the stick either knows and pays it (cuz they “love” them) or can’t see the bright end of the tunnel. Well time for me to open your eyes, because apparently the people around you aren’t saying anything.
If you are in a relationship and your partner only seems to be communicating when the going is good or when they need that great pep talk that you seem to always give, but the minute you are upset or need what you give they disappear or seem to be oblivious to what you are going thru… HINT #1 of a “convenience store” relationship. If you always go out and seem to be the one paying for everything because “they just don’t have it”… HINT #2 of a “convenience store” relationship. If they can always make time to do what they want to do and leave you behind when its time to do something you love or just want to experience with them… HINT #3 of your “convenience store” relationship. That’s only 3 of the many things I can come up with to show you what I’m talking about and some that I am missing, but you should catch my drift. You aren’t that dumb! At least I hope not, but you have to open your eyes to what’s happening and realize that you are being taken advantage of. Yes, your kindness is no longer a weakness…you are the victim of a selfish partner. So now that you know, what are you gonna do about. I hope you’re going to realize that it has to stop and if you don’t start getting exactly what you are giving, someone needs to evacuate the premises.
I could never sit around and let someone take advantage of me because I’m “scared of lonely”. Hell you already by yourself you might as well do it without the title of a relationship. Convenience store relationships have so many other sides of them that are overlooked. The “shopper” (for cases and purpose) may be unhappy and doesn’t know how to leave the relationship, don’t care how you feel and because you allow they continue to do so, or lastly they’re hiding something!! The biggest things they are hiding are insecurities that they don’t have to show when they are around you, because you enable them to hide it with all of what you provide for them. Yes, I do feel you are at fault somewhat because not only does it take two, but because you are allowing yourself to sometimes see it and would rather allow it than change it or move on.
Now for the “shopper”, you all are just sad! You are so selfish that you don’t even care what happens half of the time. You are getting what you want and only giving what you can spend at the time. You don’t put in the effort to maintain the store. You don’t put in the overtime to make sure that the entrepreneur (and I call them that because they are in this relationship by themselves) has what they need to grow in the relationship. Stop shopping and become and partner in this business. Stop only looking in the mirror at what you get to benefit and start looking at what’s going on the rest of the store. You’re not gonna be happy until a robber comes in and takes the store from you and then you gonna have nowhere to shop. See crooks are always staking the store. They check your pattern of when you need items, when you shop for milk and bread… and when you leave they walk in and take it all. All I’m saying is that you aren’t being a great partner in this, and you need to remember what you wont do…another shopper or crook will.
It’s time for a lot of you that are in these “convenience store” relationships to grow up and turn these into “corporations”. Why not want the world and to have someone to share it with??
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Snakes in the Grass
How many times in your life have you noticed that people aren’t really who they portray to be when you first meet them?? How many times in your life have you been betrayed by someone whom you thought was a “friend”?? How many times in your life has something occurred and you thought to yourself “is it that serious”?? I’m sure 90% of you reading those questions can’t count the number of times on your fingers or toes. Know why?? The answer is…you all don’t keep your grass cut in order for you to see all the snakes that are hiding in your lawn.
A lot of you are so busy tending to the confusion and sometimes foolishness that occurs in your house that you forget that the grass outside your house is continually growing and more and more snakes are starting to hide and live there. These snakes are watching your every move and just waiting on the time to attack. They know when you leave to go to work, take the kids to soccer practice, and even go to the grocery store, and when you least expect it they slither into your home and start causing havoc. And here you are, looking foolish because you wanted to be blind to things that would have been so evident if you were paying attention. Of course the previous was an analogy, but let’s break this down into a language you all can understand. There are many different types of snakes…the “best friend” snake, the “cheating” snake, the “sabotaging” snake, etc. Now these are the most common snakes and they snakes that attack the most. Of course there are others and some more venomous than others, but these are the most interesting and the ones that are most common.
The “best friend” snake is the snake that becomes your bestie over night and you’re just so happy that someone is trying to get to know you without any strings. So you’re here telling them all your business and keeing with them, to only find out they are taking the information and telling everyone they can tell it to. Now what’s the sad thing about this part is they are playing the angel the entire time. They will even go as far as removing anyone from your life that will take the light off of them thus becoming the “sabotaging” snake. This is the snake I dislike the most. The “sabotaging” snake will smile in your face and destroy everything in your life when you turn your back. Just so they appear the savior. Pay close attention to people’s actions, they can only be something they aren’t for a short amount of time. The third type of snake I want to discuss is the “cheating” snake. This breed of serpent can be found in or out of your house. The one that’s in the house comes in the form of a boyfriend or family member that does everything in its spineless power to let the other snakes in. They open the door and have a party when you’re gone and then kick everyone out when they think you are coming. They are close in similarity to the “sabotaging” breed, but the only difference is they can hold their agendas hidden a bit longer because they have the ability to hold their new shape a lot longer... and I mean years. The “cheating” snake also goes after the newbies. You know the people that are new to a scene or city, and are the perfect prey. See the newbie doesn’t recognize the signs because they haven’t been in this environment and don’t know what to look for. The snake loves this because they can become anything or anyone they want and it will appear so genuine and the newbie isn’t gonna know until the shit hits the fan.
There are certain steps one can take to make sure that snakes don’t fester in their lawn and/or home. First step, keep your grass cut. Snakes love to hide in tall grass of blindness and the more you walk around with tall grass they will continue to follow and try to get you. Step two, start being able to see b/s from far away. There are so many of you that are so busy trying to prove a point or be something that you aren’t, that you are oblivious to all the harm that’s being done to you behind your back. Just stop for a second and look around. You’ll find that you have more snakes than you think. People are giving you all the signs you just have to have an open eye and stop it in its tracks. Being naïve is not cute nor will you get anywhere faster trying to play victim. If someone fools you more than once, then it is your fault that they keep getting away with it. Become a snake charmer…
Becoming a snake charmer means you play the music that they love to hear and when they come you snatch and punch em in the throat!! LOL!! Well not literally but you catch my drift. It’s time to start showing that the bullshit that has been going on for so many years needs to come to an end. When people stop being so conniving and nasty, and just being themselves rumors will cease, broken hearts will become fewer and fewer, and real friendships will blossom. So the next time you are getting ready to walk out of your door, look in all the cracks and crevices of your “home” and look in your lawn and see if see any slithering serpents. I’m sure you will…so get rid of em.
A lot of you are so busy tending to the confusion and sometimes foolishness that occurs in your house that you forget that the grass outside your house is continually growing and more and more snakes are starting to hide and live there. These snakes are watching your every move and just waiting on the time to attack. They know when you leave to go to work, take the kids to soccer practice, and even go to the grocery store, and when you least expect it they slither into your home and start causing havoc. And here you are, looking foolish because you wanted to be blind to things that would have been so evident if you were paying attention. Of course the previous was an analogy, but let’s break this down into a language you all can understand. There are many different types of snakes…the “best friend” snake, the “cheating” snake, the “sabotaging” snake, etc. Now these are the most common snakes and they snakes that attack the most. Of course there are others and some more venomous than others, but these are the most interesting and the ones that are most common.
The “best friend” snake is the snake that becomes your bestie over night and you’re just so happy that someone is trying to get to know you without any strings. So you’re here telling them all your business and keeing with them, to only find out they are taking the information and telling everyone they can tell it to. Now what’s the sad thing about this part is they are playing the angel the entire time. They will even go as far as removing anyone from your life that will take the light off of them thus becoming the “sabotaging” snake. This is the snake I dislike the most. The “sabotaging” snake will smile in your face and destroy everything in your life when you turn your back. Just so they appear the savior. Pay close attention to people’s actions, they can only be something they aren’t for a short amount of time. The third type of snake I want to discuss is the “cheating” snake. This breed of serpent can be found in or out of your house. The one that’s in the house comes in the form of a boyfriend or family member that does everything in its spineless power to let the other snakes in. They open the door and have a party when you’re gone and then kick everyone out when they think you are coming. They are close in similarity to the “sabotaging” breed, but the only difference is they can hold their agendas hidden a bit longer because they have the ability to hold their new shape a lot longer... and I mean years. The “cheating” snake also goes after the newbies. You know the people that are new to a scene or city, and are the perfect prey. See the newbie doesn’t recognize the signs because they haven’t been in this environment and don’t know what to look for. The snake loves this because they can become anything or anyone they want and it will appear so genuine and the newbie isn’t gonna know until the shit hits the fan.
There are certain steps one can take to make sure that snakes don’t fester in their lawn and/or home. First step, keep your grass cut. Snakes love to hide in tall grass of blindness and the more you walk around with tall grass they will continue to follow and try to get you. Step two, start being able to see b/s from far away. There are so many of you that are so busy trying to prove a point or be something that you aren’t, that you are oblivious to all the harm that’s being done to you behind your back. Just stop for a second and look around. You’ll find that you have more snakes than you think. People are giving you all the signs you just have to have an open eye and stop it in its tracks. Being naïve is not cute nor will you get anywhere faster trying to play victim. If someone fools you more than once, then it is your fault that they keep getting away with it. Become a snake charmer…
Becoming a snake charmer means you play the music that they love to hear and when they come you snatch and punch em in the throat!! LOL!! Well not literally but you catch my drift. It’s time to start showing that the bullshit that has been going on for so many years needs to come to an end. When people stop being so conniving and nasty, and just being themselves rumors will cease, broken hearts will become fewer and fewer, and real friendships will blossom. So the next time you are getting ready to walk out of your door, look in all the cracks and crevices of your “home” and look in your lawn and see if see any slithering serpents. I’m sure you will…so get rid of em.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Loving Apart
I sometimes sit and wonder, what is this hold that love has on us??? Why is that for love we would do exactly the opposite of what we know is right and what our brain is telling us to do? When should we stop living for love and start living for ourselves? Love is supposed to be unconditional and definitely shouldn’t cause any heartache. I do believe that that kind of love exists, but why does it seem that we have to go through so much foolishness to get to that point?? The answer is simple….WE decide to go through it!! There is always the choice that can be made. We over and over forgive, hope, and promise that it will get better. How is this all supposed to happen when the words are exactly the opposite of the actions that occur?
Love has this hold because when we first experience that feeling we are in a happy place. We are all smiles, have convos on the phone all hours of the nite, laugh and think of the future, and are all lovey dovey. Then we get comfortable. We get used to the person and subconsciously feel we have them and they are ours and we can just become ourselves. Wrong as hell….you need to continue those things in order to keep it hot and start to be even more spontaneous so it doesn’t get redundant and you don’t get bored. Don’t assume that the person gets tired of hearing your voice before going to bed or when they first wake up. Stop assuming the person doesn’t want to go on dates and spend those little quality times with you. Stop assuming and stop getting complacent. Love has a weird way of showing us what we need to be doing when IT starts to get bored. In turn, we want to get back to this happy place and will do ANYTHING to get back to that place.
This is where I find so many people start making mistakes and do exactly the opposite of what we know is right or let’s just say right for us and the situation we are in. We start making excuses for the stupid and thoughtless decisions our partners make. We tell ourselves if I give them one more chance it’ll change, knowing damn well you can’t change a person stuck in their ways. I wanna tap into this part real quick. You CANNOT and I repeat, CANNOT change things about your spouse that you have let them get away with from the beginning. The reason I say this is because the first time you “forgive” someone for something they did to you there is that subconscious thought that they got away with it. From that point on, they will continue to push the boundaries. And over and over you keep forgiving and taking back and wondering why they keep fucking up and why you continue to be over the situation. But you ceased to give the solution. The solution should’ve been that they understood that if it ever happened again, you will be done. We don’t do that because of the hold love has on us.
Another thing that’s said by a lot of people of their continuing is “I Love them”. What the hell does you loving them have to do with YOUR happiness. Why do we stop loving ourselves to prove that we love someone else. What happened to having a 100/100 relationship?? You should be receiving the love you are giving, and if you feel at any point that you aren’t you should relay that information to the person you claims they love you in return. Stop living with the fear of losing them. Hell, I always say “I love you, but I have to love you from afar.” People don’t know how to love apart and still have the great relationship they had before just not in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that. When I was younger I had an issue of being friends with my exes. Now an ex is an ex for a reason, but there is no reason why we can’t still hang out and do things together, including sex if we want. You shouldn’t lose a friend just because the relationship didn’t work out…hell that’s why they were called a boyfriend they were supposed to be a friend first. So why does the friendship end after the relationship? Tell you why, you went from associates to lovers and you didn’t get to know how they were as a friend. That’s another post for later….so back to love.
Love is supposed to be fun. When it gets to a point that you are doing things out of the norm to show you love someone and they aren’t doing the same…GET OUT!! That causes stress and resentment and I know damn well I don’t wanna be stressed out over someone I love. Start listening to the feeling in your gut and stop listening to the words your partner is saying and not doing. I don’t have to say the cliché about action v. words, because we all know it. This issue is we don’t live by it.
Love is supposed to be about 2 people, but when compromising and trying to make it worse don’t lose yourself in the process. One day you’ll look in the mirror and not even recognize yourself and wonder why. I can no longer take care of grown people who are trying to figure out what they want out of love. I know what I want and at any point I feel that we are on a different page, you will receive the information. It won’t be over and over, but if you cant get it right, then we have to go. Life is too stressful as it is to be worried about receiving love from someone who is at the time unable to give what they receive.
I close this out by just asking you to ask yourself what is you want from love. Be honest with yourself and the person your with. Look at all sides of the relationship and decide whether you are both doing what it takes and if separation is what is needed then so be it. Loving apart is not as bad as it seems. Happiness is the most important thing in life.
Are you Happy?
Love has this hold because when we first experience that feeling we are in a happy place. We are all smiles, have convos on the phone all hours of the nite, laugh and think of the future, and are all lovey dovey. Then we get comfortable. We get used to the person and subconsciously feel we have them and they are ours and we can just become ourselves. Wrong as hell….you need to continue those things in order to keep it hot and start to be even more spontaneous so it doesn’t get redundant and you don’t get bored. Don’t assume that the person gets tired of hearing your voice before going to bed or when they first wake up. Stop assuming the person doesn’t want to go on dates and spend those little quality times with you. Stop assuming and stop getting complacent. Love has a weird way of showing us what we need to be doing when IT starts to get bored. In turn, we want to get back to this happy place and will do ANYTHING to get back to that place.
This is where I find so many people start making mistakes and do exactly the opposite of what we know is right or let’s just say right for us and the situation we are in. We start making excuses for the stupid and thoughtless decisions our partners make. We tell ourselves if I give them one more chance it’ll change, knowing damn well you can’t change a person stuck in their ways. I wanna tap into this part real quick. You CANNOT and I repeat, CANNOT change things about your spouse that you have let them get away with from the beginning. The reason I say this is because the first time you “forgive” someone for something they did to you there is that subconscious thought that they got away with it. From that point on, they will continue to push the boundaries. And over and over you keep forgiving and taking back and wondering why they keep fucking up and why you continue to be over the situation. But you ceased to give the solution. The solution should’ve been that they understood that if it ever happened again, you will be done. We don’t do that because of the hold love has on us.
Another thing that’s said by a lot of people of their continuing is “I Love them”. What the hell does you loving them have to do with YOUR happiness. Why do we stop loving ourselves to prove that we love someone else. What happened to having a 100/100 relationship?? You should be receiving the love you are giving, and if you feel at any point that you aren’t you should relay that information to the person you claims they love you in return. Stop living with the fear of losing them. Hell, I always say “I love you, but I have to love you from afar.” People don’t know how to love apart and still have the great relationship they had before just not in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that. When I was younger I had an issue of being friends with my exes. Now an ex is an ex for a reason, but there is no reason why we can’t still hang out and do things together, including sex if we want. You shouldn’t lose a friend just because the relationship didn’t work out…hell that’s why they were called a boyfriend they were supposed to be a friend first. So why does the friendship end after the relationship? Tell you why, you went from associates to lovers and you didn’t get to know how they were as a friend. That’s another post for later….so back to love.
Love is supposed to be fun. When it gets to a point that you are doing things out of the norm to show you love someone and they aren’t doing the same…GET OUT!! That causes stress and resentment and I know damn well I don’t wanna be stressed out over someone I love. Start listening to the feeling in your gut and stop listening to the words your partner is saying and not doing. I don’t have to say the cliché about action v. words, because we all know it. This issue is we don’t live by it.
Love is supposed to be about 2 people, but when compromising and trying to make it worse don’t lose yourself in the process. One day you’ll look in the mirror and not even recognize yourself and wonder why. I can no longer take care of grown people who are trying to figure out what they want out of love. I know what I want and at any point I feel that we are on a different page, you will receive the information. It won’t be over and over, but if you cant get it right, then we have to go. Life is too stressful as it is to be worried about receiving love from someone who is at the time unable to give what they receive.
I close this out by just asking you to ask yourself what is you want from love. Be honest with yourself and the person your with. Look at all sides of the relationship and decide whether you are both doing what it takes and if separation is what is needed then so be it. Loving apart is not as bad as it seems. Happiness is the most important thing in life.
Are you Happy?
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