I sometimes sit and wonder, what is this hold that love has on us??? Why is that for love we would do exactly the opposite of what we know is right and what our brain is telling us to do? When should we stop living for love and start living for ourselves? Love is supposed to be unconditional and definitely shouldn’t cause any heartache. I do believe that that kind of love exists, but why does it seem that we have to go through so much foolishness to get to that point?? The answer is simple….WE decide to go through it!! There is always the choice that can be made. We over and over forgive, hope, and promise that it will get better. How is this all supposed to happen when the words are exactly the opposite of the actions that occur?
Love has this hold because when we first experience that feeling we are in a happy place. We are all smiles, have convos on the phone all hours of the nite, laugh and think of the future, and are all lovey dovey. Then we get comfortable. We get used to the person and subconsciously feel we have them and they are ours and we can just become ourselves. Wrong as hell….you need to continue those things in order to keep it hot and start to be even more spontaneous so it doesn’t get redundant and you don’t get bored. Don’t assume that the person gets tired of hearing your voice before going to bed or when they first wake up. Stop assuming the person doesn’t want to go on dates and spend those little quality times with you. Stop assuming and stop getting complacent. Love has a weird way of showing us what we need to be doing when IT starts to get bored. In turn, we want to get back to this happy place and will do ANYTHING to get back to that place.
This is where I find so many people start making mistakes and do exactly the opposite of what we know is right or let’s just say right for us and the situation we are in. We start making excuses for the stupid and thoughtless decisions our partners make. We tell ourselves if I give them one more chance it’ll change, knowing damn well you can’t change a person stuck in their ways. I wanna tap into this part real quick. You CANNOT and I repeat, CANNOT change things about your spouse that you have let them get away with from the beginning. The reason I say this is because the first time you “forgive” someone for something they did to you there is that subconscious thought that they got away with it. From that point on, they will continue to push the boundaries. And over and over you keep forgiving and taking back and wondering why they keep fucking up and why you continue to be over the situation. But you ceased to give the solution. The solution should’ve been that they understood that if it ever happened again, you will be done. We don’t do that because of the hold love has on us.
Another thing that’s said by a lot of people of their continuing is “I Love them”. What the hell does you loving them have to do with YOUR happiness. Why do we stop loving ourselves to prove that we love someone else. What happened to having a 100/100 relationship?? You should be receiving the love you are giving, and if you feel at any point that you aren’t you should relay that information to the person you claims they love you in return. Stop living with the fear of losing them. Hell, I always say “I love you, but I have to love you from afar.” People don’t know how to love apart and still have the great relationship they had before just not in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that. When I was younger I had an issue of being friends with my exes. Now an ex is an ex for a reason, but there is no reason why we can’t still hang out and do things together, including sex if we want. You shouldn’t lose a friend just because the relationship didn’t work out…hell that’s why they were called a boyfriend they were supposed to be a friend first. So why does the friendship end after the relationship? Tell you why, you went from associates to lovers and you didn’t get to know how they were as a friend. That’s another post for later….so back to love.
Love is supposed to be fun. When it gets to a point that you are doing things out of the norm to show you love someone and they aren’t doing the same…GET OUT!! That causes stress and resentment and I know damn well I don’t wanna be stressed out over someone I love. Start listening to the feeling in your gut and stop listening to the words your partner is saying and not doing. I don’t have to say the cliché about action v. words, because we all know it. This issue is we don’t live by it.
Love is supposed to be about 2 people, but when compromising and trying to make it worse don’t lose yourself in the process. One day you’ll look in the mirror and not even recognize yourself and wonder why. I can no longer take care of grown people who are trying to figure out what they want out of love. I know what I want and at any point I feel that we are on a different page, you will receive the information. It won’t be over and over, but if you cant get it right, then we have to go. Life is too stressful as it is to be worried about receiving love from someone who is at the time unable to give what they receive.
I close this out by just asking you to ask yourself what is you want from love. Be honest with yourself and the person your with. Look at all sides of the relationship and decide whether you are both doing what it takes and if separation is what is needed then so be it. Loving apart is not as bad as it seems. Happiness is the most important thing in life.
Are you Happy?
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