Social Network 101

Why have the social networks become our personal diaries? Before MySpace, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter and etc. were created what were we doing? Did we really care what was on the mind of others? Did we really care what shoe or song the next person downloaded or bought? When did we become so inclined to tell people we know, barely know and don't even know every single thought or emotion we felt? And on the other end, when did we on the receiving care to log in and check every 5 minutes? I ask these questions because I feel social networking has ruined the communication between humans, especially the ones that are building or trying to build a romantic relationship. Hell, even some friendships have been ruined by statements made on the sites. We see it everyday on television....Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop, TMZ and all "reality" shows. People have become so enthralled in giving the world insight on what's going on in there world, that they have stopped communicating with the people who really and truly care about their feelings. Look at it like this, if you are in a relationship and you aren't communicating with the person what happens? The relationship starts to crumble because the other person, who you claimed to love and wanna be with, starts to feel like they matter because you are giving all 3,000 of your friends, associates and strangers all information about who you are, what you're feeling and all visuals of you in the bathroom half naked that your relationship falters. Why did you stop communicating with the person. Why is the public more important than who is in your corner? You all see or hear me talk about my three C's toward a great relationship. If you haven't I'll discuss that next time. The first C is communication. Without communication you have a relationship where the two parties don't know anything about each other. A great relationship should involve two people who have the ability to talk about and discuss in detail everything from feelings to jealousies without judgement. I shouldn't have to go on Facebook or any other social network to see how my partner is feeling. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. Give the person in your relationship your feelings and give them the opportunity to give their input. It will make your relationship so much stronger. Stop allowing the general public to weigh in on what's going on. Misery loves company. If you are in a relationship why give single people the opportunity to have you join them in the ranks of looking for something, when half the time they dont even know what they are looking for themselves because they spend so much of their time using statuses and Instagram posts looking for their next love. Relationships should also have a level of privacy where the general public, especially those already trying to break you up or the people you all call "haters", doesn't know how pissed off they've made you. And stop calling everyone a hater. People aren't hating on something you are allowing them to perceive as being true. If you are always pissed off, in your feelings, sad and depressed about something in YOUR relationship, we have nothing to hate on....we just see what you're relaying. There's the old saying "perception is reality", and if you give everyone the perception that your relationship is crumbling what do you think they are going to try to do? Now I'm not saying do the exact opposite and show people every kissy face, sleep in bed together, naked in the mirror together picture either. That is just as draining!! We don't or shouldn't care that much either. I say all of this so that we really start communicating and expressing ourselves with the person we want to be with. That is the stepping stone in allowing something strong and beautiful grow, so that social networks become a place just for that...socializing. A diary is something private that everyone isn't able to just check out like a book in the library. Don't allow the general public into your personal life so much that you lose someone you want to be with. Allow you and that person to know each other inside and out. Allow that person to be your diary. Give them everything, and let the networks be there for the fun.

Something Different

There was once a time when not even Prince Charming could get to my heart. "For what?" I would ask myself. "So he could turn around and rip it out of my chest and do whatever he wanted to do with it when he wanted to?" No ma'am! But something happened.... I had talks with friends and they always told me that I was too guarded and didn't open myself up to what I could have been missing. Well what i thought was missing, appeared and I ran with it. Or so I thought....

You know in doing things differently you have to change everything mentally, physically, and psychologically. There is now another person you have to think about as well. Almost like a child but different. You have to think about what they wanna do, what they eat or don't eat, what are their hobbies, whats their favorite color. Now in getting to know someone you learn these things pretty frequently, but what happens next when those are accomplished? What do you do to move forward? This place was once referred to me as being the "infatuation stage". Once that's over why is it that it seems that you don't know where to go? I entertained that thought in my "Crossroads" post, so i wont go back. But say one of you doesn't know how to capture the others interest in the way they want you to. Should the other person move on, or should they communicate what it is that they are looking for? I don't ever remember being able to read minds nor do I honestly believe there is one person that can. You have to communicate what it is you want out of anything in life, because people can only do but so much when it comes to providing you with the happiness you seek. You cannot expect people to control situations when there is no direction for them to go into because you are just waiting to see what happens.

Another thing, if someone expresses what they want from you don't run from it. If you can handle it, take it by the horns by all means necessary and do it. If you cant, communicate that and you both work out a compromise to make the situation work. Have you ever noticed how people 60 and older have been in relationship for 30, 40 and 50 years long? That's because they talk about everything from what they cant stand to what it is they love. Young people don't do that anymore. Instead at the slightest chance of an opening they run and then when they realize what they were running to is not what they wanted, they feel the need to run back to the one they ran from. Oh now you realize that just because at the point you weren't getting what you felt you needed you wanted to leave. Therefore, you think I was gonna sit around and wait for you to make up your mind? No ma'am

I have said it time and time again, never have someone fall for you when you don't intend on catching them, because when they get up their back will be to you! The old cliche saying "you don't know what you got til its gone" is so true. Stop chasing the ones that you want to fuck your body, and find the ones that will fuck your mind. I don't mean fuck it and leave like a one night stand, I mean one that will fuck your mind and stay until it becomes love making. That is someone that no matter what happens you have nothing but amazing thoughts about them. There should never be a time where you feel like you are being taken advantage of. At that point, you need to remove yourself. People only do to you what you allow them to. If you don't want him walking in and out of your life when he's ready, don't let him. Stop allowing him to get away with it the first time. I have a philosophy that a man when he's forgiven for something he has not business being forgiven for, he feels he got away with it, and will try his hand again. No ma'am, nip it in the bud the first time, so that he will think three times before even thinking about trying something that could cause him his happiness.

I have decided that I have done something different and in that process I have learned something different. Sometimes different doesn't work and you have to resort to being the old you. Go back to what you do that makes you comfortable. Changing for someone is never the answer, if they want you and want to be with you, they will accept you for EVERYTHING that you are different or indifferent.

Peace