It has been brought to my attention that I have taken my eyes off the prize. I became so focused on things that aren't reality, that I started to live in a world of fiction and denial. I had a conversation with my mom and some of my close friends about life, love, sex, money and just about everything under the sun. And in the midst of the conversation why mind was wandering to so many different aspects of my life. We all know that this blog is about relationships and everything in between; but in typing all these posts I have not taken my own words and put them into action. Sometimes it may seem that I am against love, or I don't want you to be with the person you're with because of countless mistakes they've made. That is far from what I want to accomplish. I want you, my readers, to read my posts and realize that there is so much more to love than what's on the outside or what a person is scared to reveal from past experiences. And if you love someone enough all the small things don't matter and there is a bigger picture. But definitely never lose yourself in the fight. And that's where a lot of us (including myself) suffer.
The world of denial and fiction I spoke of earlier is a world where I am told myself over and over again that "it'll be alright" "they'll come around" or "maybe if you try this, that will work to get what you want". How many times or how many things do we have to try before we realize that we're fighting a one man battle. This one man battle is against yourself as well. Here you are trying everything against your better judgement because you want something that may not be to be. I told a friend jokingly that he doesn't go with the flow. He asked what did that mean, and I told him he's always fighting against the wind. POW!! It smacked me that in that exact moment, I was too! There's was something that I experienced earlier in the weekend that really surprised and hurt me at the same time. But ultimately, it had happened before so I should not have been shocked when it happened. As much as I told myself they were joking, the reality is that I started to go to the world of denial fighting the wind and telling myself they don't mean that. When actually I shouldve just said "ok stefan, move on". Well its a new day, and its time to turn to the wind and say wind take me where you want.
Some of us fight the wind because we live life in a state of fear of the unknown. We don't know where the wind will take us so therefore we fight it only to end up exactly where the wind was taking us all along. Only missing out on experiences because our back was turned to what we were supposed to see and experience. I have turned around and am taking the wind for a ride. I will see things for what they are and let each experience teach me a new lesson about life and love.
In the journey in trying to find love, I got lost in the journey to find myself and what it is I want. Its funny to me that when 2 people start to interact with each other with a special interest, and one starts to give the other things and emotions that they haven't experienced before, that when the other person expresses themselves the other person can receive that information in so many different ways. It has been brought to my attention that sometimes its better to hold information in because that information can be a determining factor in how things play out. Just go with the flow and allow things to prosper as they may. And when they don't necessarily go as you may have wished just take it as a lesson learned and move forward. The old cliche saying let it go and if it returns it was meant to be yours is very true..
Life is about experiencing new frontiers and learning about other people but mainly learning about yourself. Never lose yourself in the search for anything other than what you know deep down in heart is what YOU really want. Not money, not love, not even lust. In the end, you can't take any of that with when your time has come and the wind as stopped blowing.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
What’s the F*#@!% Point???!!!
This question had come to me this morning after a conversation I had with a friend about something they saw a significant other post as a status on their Facebook profile. The question went something like “in life, should one choose wealth or love?” This question hit my spirit so much that I jumped out of my bed to say these exact words “make the choice for him…let him have money and you remove your love!!” I feel so adamant about that! There should never be the question of love or money, and if you have to question that then you have lost all aspects of what it is to be in a relationship and therefore, don’t need to be in one. Whats the f*$@!# point??
When you die, the money that you have or don’t have (because it belongs to the person you’re using) cannot be buried and used in heaven or hell (whichever He finds fit for you). Money has no value honestly, and will never amount to enough to buy the type of love that runs through your veins and make you happy and wanna go home and just lay around with someone who when you’re sick gives you soup, or when you’re down and out kisses you on the forehead and says “baby it’ll be ok”. That’s the type of love I crave and desire and WILL have one day. And if you think at any point I will sacrifice what I want for what you are afraid to give then,
What’s the f*#@!% point of even being in my space??
Love takes time and patience. Something else I’ve heard that always rocks my spirit is for someone to say that a partner can be too needy. What the hell is wrong with you?? Do you know how many people are out here (including myself) looking for someone that wants to spend almost every waken moment with their partner and here you have it, and basically wanna give it up because you have no other valid reason of not knowing what you want to do with yourself.
What’s the f*$@!%# point??
But I guess you’ve come so accustomed to the ridiculousness of letting men/women do what they wanna do to you and because he’s so cute or he bangs your back out when you want him to then he goes on about his business, that as soon as you get what you deserve or ultimately wanted all along you don’t know what to do with yourself and start making ultimately stupid decisions. Thus realizing that you made a stupid mistake and cant get it back because someone like me has come along and snatched that good catch. Too bad, so sad for you!
Now don’t get me wrong, there are some of you that are on the good side who cant seem to get rid of a dog. He isn’t working, isn’t looking for a job and sucking up your air, and eating up all your damn food.
What’s the f*$@!#^ point??
Now you’re stressed, tired and taking care of some other’s women child. Buying shit you don’t normally buy for yourself, and all because of what?? The sex?? The money?? Cuz he got a cute smile?? Chile bye, you can smile at yourself, make yourself cum, and surely make your own money and buy yourself all the gifts in the world. I’ve heard, I don’t feel like all the drama it’s gone take for me to put him out. Ohhhh, so you wanna sit around and be miserable cuz you don’t want him (who doesn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of) to put a hole in the wall or bust out a window? Well then you deserve everything he’s doing to you, because of the mere fact that you are ALLOWING him to do so.
I always say KARMA is a good friend of mine and she always comes on time. I can call her at any point and say “Karma, go get him/her” and she replies “baby I got you just as soon as the time is right”. See Karma is the type of good friend that she’ll even get me if I get too grand. That’s the type of friend I need, and she’s always there, so….
What’s the f*#@!$& point??
What’s the point in stressing over something I don’t have any control over?? It isnt’ gonna change, because you can’t change it once it has already happened.
I had a short but very interesting conversation with someone I am very interested in recently about time vs. patience. And I asked the question “is it that we don’t have enough time or are people just too impatient?” It then dawned on me how connected we were because his response was exactly what I felt. People become impatient because they don’t have enough time to accomplish everything they want in a day’s period. Thus, becoming stressed trying to control the uncontrollables of life, instead of changing themselves to control what can be controlled.
What’s the F*#@!$& point??
Stop expecting things to come to you, and be the way you want it to. Change what can be changed in you whether it’s fear, doubt, or just plain ole uncertainty and control what the situation could be so that things that are in your reach can be altered to the way you want it to go. Stop complaining!!
What’s the f*#@!$& point??
Now I definitely have to take heed to my own advice when it comes to that because there is something that is so much in my reach that I haven’t even started to extend my hand out to grasp for it. Therefore, I don’t complain because it is my fault, and something that I promise to change so that I can have what I want. You don’t go to work just because you have to (80% of the time you do) but the other 20% is so that you can do some of the things you want to do. So why not take that 20% and use it to the advantage of being happy and blissful when you aren’t doing the other 80.
But the people on the other end of the spectrum, stop using that to your advantage and a power move to complain about how a person doesn’t care. You know they care but it may be out of their reach right now of some of the things that want and crave to do and show you how much they really care. Using silence and mind games isn’t the correct way to go about the situation.
What’s the f*@!#$& point??
All that causes is resentment and tension that’s unnecessary and pointless. Communication is the road to all roads traveled in peace. If two people can’t talk to each other and find out all information that they need or want to know then there’s something wrong with the picture. A lot of times people in these relationships don’t even know the person they are dealing with, therefore causing them to second guess who they are, then stupid mistakes and decision like I’ve discussed earlier start to happen.
Stop getting into these fly by night relationships if you aren’t gonna take the appropriate sacrifices, and do the hard work to keep it fresh and exciting. Also, these “breaks” that you all are taking are for teenagers. Breaks are only 50% breakups!! If you wanna take a break from me, then go on bout your business. Because in that break I will NOT change who I am for you to decide what you wanna do. I will remain who I am, and when you return you will still have the same issues you had before. I am 100% me, and can only be me and you have to decide if you want all or nothing. Because in the end if you don’t…..
What’s the F*@!#$& point??
When you die, the money that you have or don’t have (because it belongs to the person you’re using) cannot be buried and used in heaven or hell (whichever He finds fit for you). Money has no value honestly, and will never amount to enough to buy the type of love that runs through your veins and make you happy and wanna go home and just lay around with someone who when you’re sick gives you soup, or when you’re down and out kisses you on the forehead and says “baby it’ll be ok”. That’s the type of love I crave and desire and WILL have one day. And if you think at any point I will sacrifice what I want for what you are afraid to give then,
What’s the f*#@!% point of even being in my space??
Love takes time and patience. Something else I’ve heard that always rocks my spirit is for someone to say that a partner can be too needy. What the hell is wrong with you?? Do you know how many people are out here (including myself) looking for someone that wants to spend almost every waken moment with their partner and here you have it, and basically wanna give it up because you have no other valid reason of not knowing what you want to do with yourself.
What’s the f*$@!%# point??
But I guess you’ve come so accustomed to the ridiculousness of letting men/women do what they wanna do to you and because he’s so cute or he bangs your back out when you want him to then he goes on about his business, that as soon as you get what you deserve or ultimately wanted all along you don’t know what to do with yourself and start making ultimately stupid decisions. Thus realizing that you made a stupid mistake and cant get it back because someone like me has come along and snatched that good catch. Too bad, so sad for you!
Now don’t get me wrong, there are some of you that are on the good side who cant seem to get rid of a dog. He isn’t working, isn’t looking for a job and sucking up your air, and eating up all your damn food.
What’s the f*$@!#^ point??
Now you’re stressed, tired and taking care of some other’s women child. Buying shit you don’t normally buy for yourself, and all because of what?? The sex?? The money?? Cuz he got a cute smile?? Chile bye, you can smile at yourself, make yourself cum, and surely make your own money and buy yourself all the gifts in the world. I’ve heard, I don’t feel like all the drama it’s gone take for me to put him out. Ohhhh, so you wanna sit around and be miserable cuz you don’t want him (who doesn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of) to put a hole in the wall or bust out a window? Well then you deserve everything he’s doing to you, because of the mere fact that you are ALLOWING him to do so.
I always say KARMA is a good friend of mine and she always comes on time. I can call her at any point and say “Karma, go get him/her” and she replies “baby I got you just as soon as the time is right”. See Karma is the type of good friend that she’ll even get me if I get too grand. That’s the type of friend I need, and she’s always there, so….
What’s the f*#@!$& point??
What’s the point in stressing over something I don’t have any control over?? It isnt’ gonna change, because you can’t change it once it has already happened.
I had a short but very interesting conversation with someone I am very interested in recently about time vs. patience. And I asked the question “is it that we don’t have enough time or are people just too impatient?” It then dawned on me how connected we were because his response was exactly what I felt. People become impatient because they don’t have enough time to accomplish everything they want in a day’s period. Thus, becoming stressed trying to control the uncontrollables of life, instead of changing themselves to control what can be controlled.
What’s the F*#@!$& point??
Stop expecting things to come to you, and be the way you want it to. Change what can be changed in you whether it’s fear, doubt, or just plain ole uncertainty and control what the situation could be so that things that are in your reach can be altered to the way you want it to go. Stop complaining!!
What’s the f*#@!$& point??
Now I definitely have to take heed to my own advice when it comes to that because there is something that is so much in my reach that I haven’t even started to extend my hand out to grasp for it. Therefore, I don’t complain because it is my fault, and something that I promise to change so that I can have what I want. You don’t go to work just because you have to (80% of the time you do) but the other 20% is so that you can do some of the things you want to do. So why not take that 20% and use it to the advantage of being happy and blissful when you aren’t doing the other 80.
But the people on the other end of the spectrum, stop using that to your advantage and a power move to complain about how a person doesn’t care. You know they care but it may be out of their reach right now of some of the things that want and crave to do and show you how much they really care. Using silence and mind games isn’t the correct way to go about the situation.
What’s the f*@!#$& point??
All that causes is resentment and tension that’s unnecessary and pointless. Communication is the road to all roads traveled in peace. If two people can’t talk to each other and find out all information that they need or want to know then there’s something wrong with the picture. A lot of times people in these relationships don’t even know the person they are dealing with, therefore causing them to second guess who they are, then stupid mistakes and decision like I’ve discussed earlier start to happen.
Stop getting into these fly by night relationships if you aren’t gonna take the appropriate sacrifices, and do the hard work to keep it fresh and exciting. Also, these “breaks” that you all are taking are for teenagers. Breaks are only 50% breakups!! If you wanna take a break from me, then go on bout your business. Because in that break I will NOT change who I am for you to decide what you wanna do. I will remain who I am, and when you return you will still have the same issues you had before. I am 100% me, and can only be me and you have to decide if you want all or nothing. Because in the end if you don’t…..
What’s the F*@!#$& point??
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Worlds Crossed
we met in world of screennames and profile pics...
but never in a world where the touch could be real...
or so i thought...
would you be the one to make me know what it is to feel??
you never knew i would check your status or follow where you were..
I got a kick out of being your secret love interest..
but come to find out you were mine too...
and damn i thought i was the best...
you surprised me by having exactly what i had
a crush
but wait
why didnt you say something earlier..
you could have had me hours, days, months ago
but hey everyone has their own time..
momma always said patience was a virtue...
you were great
and i thought to myself hey maybe your dreams can come true...
time was spent...
and so were feelings...
feelings that i hadnt felt in a long time..
feelings i thought i could never feel..
you bought them out
then something changed...
these feelings put me in a world that was so different from yours
a world where everything moved so fast and you forget reality..
now love or what i thought had engulfed my space helmet...
the love i thought was actuality...
was only a curse for something else...
worlds crossed and we got lost in orbit...
i couldnt breathe cuz you werent in my atmosphere...
your oxygen mixed with my carbon monoxide gave me what i needed to live..
now you were taking it away and I was suffocating like the song.
i needed and craved your touch your kiss just your presence..
but i couldnt reach your orbit because my gravity was pulling me away
you found a way to rocket yourself but into my world...
but everytime you do its like a meteor landing...
sending my nerves into shock and i have to start all over...
why dont you just stay instead of all these independence days..
yeah like Will..
i will fight til there's peace on earth...
but you have to stay...
when our worlds cross there's harmony in the galaxy
but for some reason you like to land on my planet
then take off to another..
im starting to believe that your alienatic behavior is a front..
a front for something better for us to come..
one day you'll land and never leave...
the worlds will cross and i will have a foreign love...
not foreign like another country..but foreign..
the exact meaning..
something unknown or different from the normal..
but im not normal...
so this i love...you i love...
so let the worlds cross and we cause a cosmic burst...
but never in a world where the touch could be real...
or so i thought...
would you be the one to make me know what it is to feel??
you never knew i would check your status or follow where you were..
I got a kick out of being your secret love interest..
but come to find out you were mine too...
and damn i thought i was the best...
you surprised me by having exactly what i had
a crush
but wait
why didnt you say something earlier..
you could have had me hours, days, months ago
but hey everyone has their own time..
momma always said patience was a virtue...
you were great
and i thought to myself hey maybe your dreams can come true...
time was spent...
and so were feelings...
feelings that i hadnt felt in a long time..
feelings i thought i could never feel..
you bought them out
then something changed...
these feelings put me in a world that was so different from yours
a world where everything moved so fast and you forget reality..
now love or what i thought had engulfed my space helmet...
the love i thought was actuality...
was only a curse for something else...
worlds crossed and we got lost in orbit...
i couldnt breathe cuz you werent in my atmosphere...
your oxygen mixed with my carbon monoxide gave me what i needed to live..
now you were taking it away and I was suffocating like the song.
i needed and craved your touch your kiss just your presence..
but i couldnt reach your orbit because my gravity was pulling me away
you found a way to rocket yourself but into my world...
but everytime you do its like a meteor landing...
sending my nerves into shock and i have to start all over...
why dont you just stay instead of all these independence days..
yeah like Will..
i will fight til there's peace on earth...
but you have to stay...
when our worlds cross there's harmony in the galaxy
but for some reason you like to land on my planet
then take off to another..
im starting to believe that your alienatic behavior is a front..
a front for something better for us to come..
one day you'll land and never leave...
the worlds will cross and i will have a foreign love...
not foreign like another country..but foreign..
the exact meaning..
something unknown or different from the normal..
but im not normal...
so this i love...you i love...
so let the worlds cross and we cause a cosmic burst...
Monday, July 26, 2010
Just Be!
There comes a time in life when one looks back and sees that they have been trying to hard to be something they aren't. Because my blogs speak to relatonship issues I wanna elaborate on this, being what you aren't to be in a relationship.
There are stages in a relationship that the parties go thru to establish what is to be now their relationship. The initial stage is what I've been told is called the "infatuation stage" or the "nothing can be wrong phase", in which, everything the other does is cute or that's who they are and you're so intrigued its okay because you're just getting to know them. No matter if its a pet peeve of yours or not. Step 1 in not "being" yourself. Next stage is a more serious stage because you're ready to go a lil deeper so you start spending more time together and the questions and conversations get more serious. This is where you start seeing more things that strike chords in your heart (good and bad). And you become more comfortable and start revealing more about your true self. And this is where "being" yourself is most important but most detrimental as well......yet we actually stop being ourselves.
Take for instance, something you do the other party doesn't actually take heed or like, you change or stop doing that thing because you really wanna be with that person or in their company....NOT being yourself. You start talking a certain way, dressing a certain, doing things differently! Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with adapting to certain things that you aren't accustomed to, but there is no need to change the person you are to sacrifice losing a relationship that hasn't even jumped off the ground yet. Have you looked at all the things the other party has done that may have rubbed you the wrong way?? Have they changed any of them, or is the fact that you played it to be smaller than it really is, and you've sort of not paid it any attention. We become so accustomed to trying to please the other for the sake of atrying to win them over we ultimately lose ourselves. I always say all you can do is give people information and let them decipher what they wanna do with that information.
This is where my "just be" philosophy kicks in. Just be yourself!! You can't be anyone else because if you could then you would. You have become who are you are by genetics, things you've learned, and experiences and decisions you've made. Why change them to fit into a box of ideas another person has for a relationship. Someone who reallys finds all the quirks and nuances about you fascinating is one that will overlook all the things that don't really matter to a relationships. You have to realize that there comes a time that who you are is what attracted the two of you so why do a complete change and become someone else?? Just be you and allow them to be themselves. The time as come for people to start being real 100% all the time even for those they strongly like, love, are infatuated with, etc. They are supposed to accept you flaws and all and vice versa. If not, then maybe you should start looking elsewhere.
You'll find in being who you are people are more accepting and mis or pre-judgements vanish and you're life becomes a lot easier because you are pleasing yourself. So when life starts to get confusing or out of wack...... Just be!
There are stages in a relationship that the parties go thru to establish what is to be now their relationship. The initial stage is what I've been told is called the "infatuation stage" or the "nothing can be wrong phase", in which, everything the other does is cute or that's who they are and you're so intrigued its okay because you're just getting to know them. No matter if its a pet peeve of yours or not. Step 1 in not "being" yourself. Next stage is a more serious stage because you're ready to go a lil deeper so you start spending more time together and the questions and conversations get more serious. This is where you start seeing more things that strike chords in your heart (good and bad). And you become more comfortable and start revealing more about your true self. And this is where "being" yourself is most important but most detrimental as well......yet we actually stop being ourselves.
Take for instance, something you do the other party doesn't actually take heed or like, you change or stop doing that thing because you really wanna be with that person or in their company....NOT being yourself. You start talking a certain way, dressing a certain, doing things differently! Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with adapting to certain things that you aren't accustomed to, but there is no need to change the person you are to sacrifice losing a relationship that hasn't even jumped off the ground yet. Have you looked at all the things the other party has done that may have rubbed you the wrong way?? Have they changed any of them, or is the fact that you played it to be smaller than it really is, and you've sort of not paid it any attention. We become so accustomed to trying to please the other for the sake of atrying to win them over we ultimately lose ourselves. I always say all you can do is give people information and let them decipher what they wanna do with that information.
This is where my "just be" philosophy kicks in. Just be yourself!! You can't be anyone else because if you could then you would. You have become who are you are by genetics, things you've learned, and experiences and decisions you've made. Why change them to fit into a box of ideas another person has for a relationship. Someone who reallys finds all the quirks and nuances about you fascinating is one that will overlook all the things that don't really matter to a relationships. You have to realize that there comes a time that who you are is what attracted the two of you so why do a complete change and become someone else?? Just be you and allow them to be themselves. The time as come for people to start being real 100% all the time even for those they strongly like, love, are infatuated with, etc. They are supposed to accept you flaws and all and vice versa. If not, then maybe you should start looking elsewhere.
You'll find in being who you are people are more accepting and mis or pre-judgements vanish and you're life becomes a lot easier because you are pleasing yourself. So when life starts to get confusing or out of wack...... Just be!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Holding onto Hope (The Search for what We Need)
"He gave you want you needed" he said, "yeah and then took it away" I said. Most of the time that's what we're in the search for....the love of our life to give us what we NEEDED. But what exactly do we need? Its not like we really need love to survive, so what is it? What is it that's lacking? That's an unsolved mystery but HOPE is what keeps us in the search.
Hope just like love and relationships is a double edged sword. It can bring the optimistic mindset that everything will be okay. Life is great when everything we "hope" for we get or get close to getting. Hope gives us the sense of everything that we wish for will one day come true. "The Secret" a book I have read several times pretty much teaches that thru visual and emotional belief all things can be. Is it me or is that hope?
Now what happens when we don't get what we want? We enter a state of continuously hoping that the love we want comes to fruition. So back to my first statement, getting what we need and then losing it. I at no point believe that people give someone want they need and purposely take it away. But that belief has been tested, and have learned a new outlook on it. There are people who have not a care in the world and pretty much do as they please when it comes to the matter of the heart. They are so guarded against feeling a certain way (vulnerable) that they close off all emotions except happiness and anger. All other emotions are pointless. They are holding to hope just as much as the person they so subconsciously have managed to bring into their world.
So what is there to hold onto?? If someone pretty much as shown that they have moved on, why is it so hard to let go? Is hope that mind erasing that you lose yourself in wishing that they would come around? Is hope something that happens when you get a glimpse of what you've been searching for all along and just couldn't grasp forever? It scares me to have had something so great, and may have lost what could have been. Yet, I hold on to the hope of the day it is. Let's just hope that at that point its what I want.
Hope just like love and relationships is a double edged sword. It can bring the optimistic mindset that everything will be okay. Life is great when everything we "hope" for we get or get close to getting. Hope gives us the sense of everything that we wish for will one day come true. "The Secret" a book I have read several times pretty much teaches that thru visual and emotional belief all things can be. Is it me or is that hope?
Now what happens when we don't get what we want? We enter a state of continuously hoping that the love we want comes to fruition. So back to my first statement, getting what we need and then losing it. I at no point believe that people give someone want they need and purposely take it away. But that belief has been tested, and have learned a new outlook on it. There are people who have not a care in the world and pretty much do as they please when it comes to the matter of the heart. They are so guarded against feeling a certain way (vulnerable) that they close off all emotions except happiness and anger. All other emotions are pointless. They are holding to hope just as much as the person they so subconsciously have managed to bring into their world.
So what is there to hold onto?? If someone pretty much as shown that they have moved on, why is it so hard to let go? Is hope that mind erasing that you lose yourself in wishing that they would come around? Is hope something that happens when you get a glimpse of what you've been searching for all along and just couldn't grasp forever? It scares me to have had something so great, and may have lost what could have been. Yet, I hold on to the hope of the day it is. Let's just hope that at that point its what I want.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Forgiveness is Just a Band-aid
You know it baffles me how the old saying goes "forgive those who hurt you for you hold the burden more than they". There are so many feelings I have towards this, but the major feeling that pokes at me is how many times are you to forgive someone you're in a relationship with???
I tell people all the time because I strongly believe this...forgive is better for the other person because subconsciously they feel they have gotten away with whatever wrong doing they have committed. Now I am not against forgiveness but what do you, the forgiver, get in return?? A peace of mind?? Hell, they isn't always enough! I don't condone revenge or tit for tat but they didn't something I didn't like, why should I say "ok I forgive just don't let it happen again" and move on? Yes, they may be sorry and sincerely apologetic but what is the real consequence?
I speak to a lot of my friends about their relationships and almost 85% of them have been wronged over and over and yet they forgive, and most of the time still harbor ill feelings toward the situation. This is because they aren't over it. When someone you genuinely care about or love does something that hurts you or gets under your skin, forgiveness may help but until you make them feel as uncomfortable as you feel, it will continue to happen. That's the subconscious "I got away with it" I speak of. In their mind, if you talk about it for 5 to 10 minutes, say you're over or move on without feeling better, they aren't gonna bring it up anymore. And 9 times out of time are gonna push the boundaries further. This doesn't just go for infidelity, but neglect, non-communication, selfishness, and lack of attention are included as well. In most cases those hurt more than cheating. I'll talk about that another time.
So what exactly does forgiveness do?? It only appeases a situation, NOT heal the situation. A situation isn't healed in my opinion until the person at fault gets in a position where they fully and totally feel the pain or uneasy feelings they put the other person in. They need to be shown that it just won't be "I forgive you, don't let it happen again" and the subject is changed and life is normal again. That only places resentment and a loss of trust in the relationship and its never the same. The jokes become less and less funnier, the hugs get softer and softer, and the person starts to look different.
Forgiveness is only a band-aid for the scar but where's the healing ointment??
I tell people all the time because I strongly believe this...forgive is better for the other person because subconsciously they feel they have gotten away with whatever wrong doing they have committed. Now I am not against forgiveness but what do you, the forgiver, get in return?? A peace of mind?? Hell, they isn't always enough! I don't condone revenge or tit for tat but they didn't something I didn't like, why should I say "ok I forgive just don't let it happen again" and move on? Yes, they may be sorry and sincerely apologetic but what is the real consequence?
I speak to a lot of my friends about their relationships and almost 85% of them have been wronged over and over and yet they forgive, and most of the time still harbor ill feelings toward the situation. This is because they aren't over it. When someone you genuinely care about or love does something that hurts you or gets under your skin, forgiveness may help but until you make them feel as uncomfortable as you feel, it will continue to happen. That's the subconscious "I got away with it" I speak of. In their mind, if you talk about it for 5 to 10 minutes, say you're over or move on without feeling better, they aren't gonna bring it up anymore. And 9 times out of time are gonna push the boundaries further. This doesn't just go for infidelity, but neglect, non-communication, selfishness, and lack of attention are included as well. In most cases those hurt more than cheating. I'll talk about that another time.
So what exactly does forgiveness do?? It only appeases a situation, NOT heal the situation. A situation isn't healed in my opinion until the person at fault gets in a position where they fully and totally feel the pain or uneasy feelings they put the other person in. They need to be shown that it just won't be "I forgive you, don't let it happen again" and the subject is changed and life is normal again. That only places resentment and a loss of trust in the relationship and its never the same. The jokes become less and less funnier, the hugs get softer and softer, and the person starts to look different.
Forgiveness is only a band-aid for the scar but where's the healing ointment??
What Do I Want You Ask????
Honestly I don't even know anymore! In growing up you learn or are taught that everyone has a "type"......attractive, smart, makes good, money, big house, nice car, so on and so on. So we spend most of our entire lives subconsciously searching for what only about 3 percent of the population actually gets. In the meantime, we get broken-hearted, taken advantage of, strung along, or just live a life of consistent dating. And consistent dating is a whole nother topic. So why are we taught to have a type when we don't even know what we want.
But back to not knowing what I want anymore, in the past two to three years I have probably dated, conversed with, slept with, hung out with some of the most diverse men nature has created. And personally none of them are what I actually want. Now yes if I found a magical machine that could combine all of them, yes he would be the perfect man; but the is reality so he doesn't exist. I say all the time men don't know what they want, and I am gonna be a strong believer in that philosophy until I die. Men crave what they can conquer, and that's why every person they date is completely different. I can count on one had the number of men I know who date or get into relationships with the same "type" of person. All the rest of you go from person to person trying to find what you want. Only leaving the one that was meant for you behind because you couldn't conquer the feelings.
A lot of men are afraid to love because they think they lose control. Control of their feelings, control of the situation, and control of not doing what the hell they wanna do.....which in most cases is get all the good feelings out the way before the bad ones arrive. Men don't like ups and downs! When the downs come they have to find a reason to escape instead of facing them head on. Then again on the other hand, you have some men who only want the downs because they last time they felt all good, they got hurt. So God forbid they have those good feelings again.
Now I know I have female readers, but I don't date women so I can't commit lol...but I know my ladies understand where I'm coming from. I don't know what I want anymore because men have taken what I wanted and turned into fondue, and I have to pick and pick what I want out of it. Why not just be yourself and not let society give you an idea of what you want. Television is the most elusive stereotype provider known to man. Be a leader and don't let what you see make you start believing that those possibilities are reality.
So the next time someone asked you what you want...be honest and say "I don't know...I'm still trying to figure that out"! I bet that sparks an interesting conversation.
But back to not knowing what I want anymore, in the past two to three years I have probably dated, conversed with, slept with, hung out with some of the most diverse men nature has created. And personally none of them are what I actually want. Now yes if I found a magical machine that could combine all of them, yes he would be the perfect man; but the is reality so he doesn't exist. I say all the time men don't know what they want, and I am gonna be a strong believer in that philosophy until I die. Men crave what they can conquer, and that's why every person they date is completely different. I can count on one had the number of men I know who date or get into relationships with the same "type" of person. All the rest of you go from person to person trying to find what you want. Only leaving the one that was meant for you behind because you couldn't conquer the feelings.
A lot of men are afraid to love because they think they lose control. Control of their feelings, control of the situation, and control of not doing what the hell they wanna do.....which in most cases is get all the good feelings out the way before the bad ones arrive. Men don't like ups and downs! When the downs come they have to find a reason to escape instead of facing them head on. Then again on the other hand, you have some men who only want the downs because they last time they felt all good, they got hurt. So God forbid they have those good feelings again.
Now I know I have female readers, but I don't date women so I can't commit lol...but I know my ladies understand where I'm coming from. I don't know what I want anymore because men have taken what I wanted and turned into fondue, and I have to pick and pick what I want out of it. Why not just be yourself and not let society give you an idea of what you want. Television is the most elusive stereotype provider known to man. Be a leader and don't let what you see make you start believing that those possibilities are reality.
So the next time someone asked you what you want...be honest and say "I don't know...I'm still trying to figure that out"! I bet that sparks an interesting conversation.
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