Something Different

There was once a time when not even Prince Charming could get to my heart. "For what?" I would ask myself. "So he could turn around and rip it out of my chest and do whatever he wanted to do with it when he wanted to?" No ma'am! But something happened.... I had talks with friends and they always told me that I was too guarded and didn't open myself up to what I could have been missing. Well what i thought was missing, appeared and I ran with it. Or so I thought....

You know in doing things differently you have to change everything mentally, physically, and psychologically. There is now another person you have to think about as well. Almost like a child but different. You have to think about what they wanna do, what they eat or don't eat, what are their hobbies, whats their favorite color. Now in getting to know someone you learn these things pretty frequently, but what happens next when those are accomplished? What do you do to move forward? This place was once referred to me as being the "infatuation stage". Once that's over why is it that it seems that you don't know where to go? I entertained that thought in my "Crossroads" post, so i wont go back. But say one of you doesn't know how to capture the others interest in the way they want you to. Should the other person move on, or should they communicate what it is that they are looking for? I don't ever remember being able to read minds nor do I honestly believe there is one person that can. You have to communicate what it is you want out of anything in life, because people can only do but so much when it comes to providing you with the happiness you seek. You cannot expect people to control situations when there is no direction for them to go into because you are just waiting to see what happens.

Another thing, if someone expresses what they want from you don't run from it. If you can handle it, take it by the horns by all means necessary and do it. If you cant, communicate that and you both work out a compromise to make the situation work. Have you ever noticed how people 60 and older have been in relationship for 30, 40 and 50 years long? That's because they talk about everything from what they cant stand to what it is they love. Young people don't do that anymore. Instead at the slightest chance of an opening they run and then when they realize what they were running to is not what they wanted, they feel the need to run back to the one they ran from. Oh now you realize that just because at the point you weren't getting what you felt you needed you wanted to leave. Therefore, you think I was gonna sit around and wait for you to make up your mind? No ma'am

I have said it time and time again, never have someone fall for you when you don't intend on catching them, because when they get up their back will be to you! The old cliche saying "you don't know what you got til its gone" is so true. Stop chasing the ones that you want to fuck your body, and find the ones that will fuck your mind. I don't mean fuck it and leave like a one night stand, I mean one that will fuck your mind and stay until it becomes love making. That is someone that no matter what happens you have nothing but amazing thoughts about them. There should never be a time where you feel like you are being taken advantage of. At that point, you need to remove yourself. People only do to you what you allow them to. If you don't want him walking in and out of your life when he's ready, don't let him. Stop allowing him to get away with it the first time. I have a philosophy that a man when he's forgiven for something he has not business being forgiven for, he feels he got away with it, and will try his hand again. No ma'am, nip it in the bud the first time, so that he will think three times before even thinking about trying something that could cause him his happiness.

I have decided that I have done something different and in that process I have learned something different. Sometimes different doesn't work and you have to resort to being the old you. Go back to what you do that makes you comfortable. Changing for someone is never the answer, if they want you and want to be with you, they will accept you for EVERYTHING that you are different or indifferent.

Peace

Crossroads (unintentional neglect)

It has been brought to my attention that I have been neglecting something with even knowing that was what i was doing. Now this unintentional neglect can be a deafening silence in any relationship. Words arent spoken and feelings get pushed back because of some the feeling of being scared to hurt. In avoiding this feeling, you may inturn being hurting the other person more because they arent getting what they are giving and then feeling unappreciated and resentment start to set in. Lets start at the beginning....

In starting to get to know someone there are different stages in which two people go through. The first stage is the realization that there is an attraction. The two of you go thru small gestures of jokes passed, flirting, and the beginning of "small talk". The next stage is infatuation, where you wanna see, be near, spend time with, and get to know the small fun stuff about a person. Then the next step is the crossroads....here's where it tricky. At most crossroads there are three ways a person or two people can decide to go, but the two being on the same page is the most important part; and both must be willing to take the same road. But if one of the persons isnt where the other is theres a place of stagnant and stale air and most likely boredom that develops. I am on the end of where I dont know which road to take because I have been neglectful of the small things that are so so important. Initiative goes a long way, and I have learned the hard that you must not only tell a person how you feel, but you have to make sure that your actions are at the same level. You cannot expect a person to always do while you sit back and hope and wonder. That is my fall back, scared of hurt and rejection. I've said this before and I will say again.... Having a titanium wall up protecting your heart can be actually hurting the other person and you not even knowing then resulting in a relationship that could go amazing go wrong, dont be afraid to hurt because there are 1000 smiles after that will help you learn from that. Take a step in a different less traveled direction and you just may end up where you wanted to in the beginning. You must be open minded and have a open heart that so all communication lines are open. I sometimes feel people (majority men) have a hard time expressing how they feel because they dont wanna hurt someone's feelings or they dont know how they themselves are gonna feel about it. I think I have developed thick skin and can take alot, but i cannot and shouldnt have to deal with non-communication. As much as I joke about having #powers, I nor do I think anyone else has the power of reading minds. Therefore speak your mind and let others deal with the information they have just received.

Back to the crossroad....If you have been neglectful unintentionally, turn it around by taking a step in showing that you are sincerely apologetic and want to make up for the actions or lack thereof. Take it day by day because the hurt doesnt go away immediately but you both have to open enough to put it behind you and move forward. A relationship that comes from communication, openness, trust and alot of work will make it because the two of you will be on the same page consistently. You wont always be on the same page, no two people are but finding your way back can be hard but benenficial in life and relationship learnings.

I leave you by saying this, take your time and really think on both sides of the fence. Your side may or may not be the best and thats why its sometimes to go to another yard and see how things are planted, you may find that your plants need each other to coincide.

Peace