Social Network 101

Why have the social networks become our personal diaries? Before MySpace, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter and etc. were created what were we doing? Did we really care what was on the mind of others? Did we really care what shoe or song the next person downloaded or bought? When did we become so inclined to tell people we know, barely know and don't even know every single thought or emotion we felt? And on the other end, when did we on the receiving care to log in and check every 5 minutes? I ask these questions because I feel social networking has ruined the communication between humans, especially the ones that are building or trying to build a romantic relationship. Hell, even some friendships have been ruined by statements made on the sites. We see it everyday on television....Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop, TMZ and all "reality" shows. People have become so enthralled in giving the world insight on what's going on in there world, that they have stopped communicating with the people who really and truly care about their feelings. Look at it like this, if you are in a relationship and you aren't communicating with the person what happens? The relationship starts to crumble because the other person, who you claimed to love and wanna be with, starts to feel like they matter because you are giving all 3,000 of your friends, associates and strangers all information about who you are, what you're feeling and all visuals of you in the bathroom half naked that your relationship falters. Why did you stop communicating with the person. Why is the public more important than who is in your corner? You all see or hear me talk about my three C's toward a great relationship. If you haven't I'll discuss that next time. The first C is communication. Without communication you have a relationship where the two parties don't know anything about each other. A great relationship should involve two people who have the ability to talk about and discuss in detail everything from feelings to jealousies without judgement. I shouldn't have to go on Facebook or any other social network to see how my partner is feeling. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. Give the person in your relationship your feelings and give them the opportunity to give their input. It will make your relationship so much stronger. Stop allowing the general public to weigh in on what's going on. Misery loves company. If you are in a relationship why give single people the opportunity to have you join them in the ranks of looking for something, when half the time they dont even know what they are looking for themselves because they spend so much of their time using statuses and Instagram posts looking for their next love. Relationships should also have a level of privacy where the general public, especially those already trying to break you up or the people you all call "haters", doesn't know how pissed off they've made you. And stop calling everyone a hater. People aren't hating on something you are allowing them to perceive as being true. If you are always pissed off, in your feelings, sad and depressed about something in YOUR relationship, we have nothing to hate on....we just see what you're relaying. There's the old saying "perception is reality", and if you give everyone the perception that your relationship is crumbling what do you think they are going to try to do? Now I'm not saying do the exact opposite and show people every kissy face, sleep in bed together, naked in the mirror together picture either. That is just as draining!! We don't or shouldn't care that much either. I say all of this so that we really start communicating and expressing ourselves with the person we want to be with. That is the stepping stone in allowing something strong and beautiful grow, so that social networks become a place just for that...socializing. A diary is something private that everyone isn't able to just check out like a book in the library. Don't allow the general public into your personal life so much that you lose someone you want to be with. Allow you and that person to know each other inside and out. Allow that person to be your diary. Give them everything, and let the networks be there for the fun.

"YOU" An Ode to thePast, Present and Future

You were the 4 years of my life that made me exactly I am I am and what I know. I look back at you and just smile. We had the worst and best of times but they were all a foundation of what my heart is now. I now understand that all the shit we went through was stupid all because communication wasn't important. It just showed me that people do grow apart. I could never forget the memories that we have, the people I have met because of you, and the lessons we both learned. I always wish you the best and you know that you will always have the special place in my heart. You all are the ones who came in between to make me even more educated on the male species. The games you played, the lies you told just kept me on the right path to a destination I see in the near distance. It was all game for me and probably you too, but I'm winning! I watch so many of you tweet, facebook poke, take half nude pictures, and fall in and out of love so quickly. Those all make me just laugh to myself and say "damn they still don't know their worth, oh well maybe one day". See you there whenever you arrive. You were a far away admirer that I also admired from far away as well. Then you spoke and took me out to dinner. It was the start of something that I look back and would do all over again. A connection with you has taken me on so many different emotional rollercoasters that I stay buckled up for the next drop. I've been in and out of your life and you mine. But somehow something keeps us coming back for more. More of whatever it is that we can't title but also dont want to title. It's been great! You are important to me in a "big" way. You came into my life my birthday of "the influential" year. You were the honest and outspoken person I'd seen in a while. You like to talk on the phone all day because we lived apart, but once in person something changed. The communication changed, you changed and I changed right with you. I realized you wanted something and I wasn't the one to give it to you. The love is there and always will be but you want less than what I want and that's cool. Another in between, you've actually always been there but cant be there fully because you have to be someone else in your world. In my world, you are the ideal but your world doesn't understand my world and that's why you take the amazing journey and stay as long as you can. I show you a person you didn't think could exist and be happy and you have expressed it. You seem so much more comfortable in my world and you open up and I love that. You can't admit it, but what's understood doesn't have to be stated. You will always be able to come visit anytime. You were so unexpected and just came out of the blue. But you couldn't be mine because we understood too many bad things would come from this beautiful thing. This has made our relationship so much stronger because we have a love that know one would understand or even think could exist. You are amazing and an amazing friend, lover, confidante. Miss you and will always be there! Talk to you soon flat face! You showed up and my world has changed and I don't want it to go back to normal. I smile at the thought of you, the sight of a received text from you and the vision of your face across my screen. You are consistent, you communicate, you compromise and you make me happy. Where have you been? Sitting on the side lines waiting for me? Or maybe I just had to step up to the plate and take the first step down the road I've belonged on. And you are just the partner I want to take this journey with for the rest of the trip. I somehow know that you will be able to step right in and have what I need to make this trip a breeze and I will do the same for you. I'm so glad YOU came.

Know You Be You

Had a conversation with an associate last night about newly into relationships and why people feel they have to lie about their past when going into something new with someone. I feel people lie to themselves and judge themselves on past experiences because they have looked back on them and realized that what they feel they wanted at the that time wasn't exactly what they wanted at all. Now if a person judges themself, they automatically feel the world and the person they are in this new situation with are judging them as well; when in fact, no one is really paying that much attention to all of that. We put more emphasis on our own past then the people surrounding us.

Lets dive a little more into this matter and look at how this becomes a cycle of lies and false pretences. A person feels that they always have to be this perfect person when going into something new. A person that isn't who they really are because we all know that no one is perfect. We all have a past and we have all done things that we aren't so proud of. Any person who doesn't understand that really shouldn't be looking to be involved until they have come to grips with what they've done. That's apart of life that we all have to discover within ourselves. You can become someone else trying to please what you think another person wants in a person. You can only be someone you're not but for so long.

We've all played the game of "impersonation with friends" (I wonder if there's an app for that lol), where you pretend to be someone else and your friends have to guess who that person is. Notice how much energy it takes to play that role? So why in the world would you want to be someone other than who you are everyday of your life. That's a lot of wasted energy. Give the person you are getting involved with the person they are gonna wake up to 6 months from now in the beginning. When you give someone the truth about who you are, what you want, what your expectations, wants and needs are from the start they have no other choice but to decide where they want the two of you to go. Being not 100% true and honest only makes them fall for someone else and then wake up one day, you are being the real you and they are going to lose all interest. Then the problems start and you are sitting wondering where it all went wrong. Answer to that? In the beginning.

How can you expect someone to stay in a situation when they've spent all this time getting to know someone that doesn't even exist? They now see who you really are and they have to learn everything all over again. What would you do? What if they basically were living a lie, would you stay? We sometimes become so consumed in trying to prove people wrong for what ever reason that we become so many different people and are so unconscious that everyday a little bit of the true us disappears more and more. Then what are we left with. A lonely shell that's wondering why the love we really want never seems to appear.

Take the time to really sit down and look back over your past and see where it all went wrong. When did it first happen that you felt you had to portray something you weren't? The people around you can't place any judgement if you walk up with your head held high and understand that your past makes you who you are in the present. Take every past experience as a lesson and allow those experiences to drive you be a better individual in the future. Life is about growing and understanding that every is their own person for a reason, and you shouldn't be trying to be the next person because that person is already taken.

After the Hurricane

After the hurricane why is it so calm? Where did all the craziness go? Did it travel to destroy the next country or island?  Is this what happens when the hurricane of a good relationship goes astray.  Where does all the energy to cause so much havoc go? And what does it leave us with?  Just this mess of a broken heart ad shattered dreams?

Relationships are like the weather.  We enjoy all the great times when we can relax and just go with the flow of wind and we are all smiles and kisses.  The first minor storm occurs and only leaves small damage that we don't clean just rather straighten up, and the mess is still there.  The sun comes back out and we are back to the happy, kissy face days I like to call em.  Why dont we prepare for the next storm?  Is it that we're so happy with sun that we forgot about what just happened when we were in the midst of it?

And just like the weather after sun another storm approaches...doing just a bit more damage that was already done because we didn't fix what was damaged from the last storm.  This time we're angry at ourselves because we see we're back where we started only to find the problem has gotten worse.   This is when we try and do something different and actually clean up the mess and but fix the foundation.

Once again the storm is over and we go right back to living what we think is normality.  Going back to the ole cycle of life without planning to prepare the next time the forecast says danger.  

What I want all of us to do is starting planning to prepare for the hurricane.  The ultimate storm that's destroying and potentially great homes(relationships).  The foundations needs to be in place so that no storm can destroy it.  The foundation is yourself; you have to build this foundation by yourself and without the help of family or "friends".  Make sure the decorations of your home are what you've bought and not what others have placed in you.  Take each house, apt, room, basement prior as an example and don't bring unnecessary decorations that hurt the appearance of your new home. 

I stand here looking at a community of houses that need new foundations before trying to add additions with broken foundations.  It's after the hurricane and we need to ban together to make indestructible foundations.