The Dark Side of Love

The dark side of love is the most detrimental phase of one's life.  Every thought can send your emotions into a whirlwind of what was, what is and what's going to be. Everything is an uncertainty. One finds them self searching for an answer that ultimately you don't even need.  We are accustomed and conditioned to believe that love ends in heartbreak.  Does it really?  Does it end in a place where one person fights for something because they are so invested?  What happens in the moments prior, every clue, every word said, every point of the last argument, is replayed over and over in your mind until one comes to the conclusion that one or the other or both are wrong.

Now don't get me wrong, we don't know what other parties are going through in this process.  Everyone deals with this process differently. One person may go into seclusion; when another feels getting under another person is the way. But can we agree there's always one who feels it more than another. One sheds more tears, has more violent outbursts, has more sleepless nights.  Does this person ultimately come out on top because they actually process this more internal or emotionally?  

Every song is a tunnel into your feelings, tears come at a drop of a dime, anger follows suit.  The dark side of love can be a harbor for hate as well.  You can love this person with every ounce of your being unconditionally and yet you can't fathom that you wouldn't get it in return.  You have to rationalize every decision made.  The more you can't the more you despise and hate the being.  Ultimately it isn't hate, more than just a stinging feeling of disappointment because you expected so much more.  You expect for things that were said to be exactly that. 

This journey through the dark side of love is something everyone who believes in the fairytale will endure. One has to be truthful and honest with oneself and understand that there is a lesson in this.  You will get through it, through the tears, the anger, the anger and the love, and when you do you there will be a light that shines so brightly that the good sign of love will have no choice but to reveal itself and show you that it is powerful and never ending.  Allow the process to take its course and learn and be open to the lesson. Don't shut down or close yourself in.  Don't continue to sit in darkness and wallow in the tears because they only manifest when you allow them to.  The dark side of love is a energy carried by those who walk in fear.  Don't be afraid.  The good side is soon upon you.

The Struggles of Heartbreak

     Heartbreak is one of the things in life that will show you exactly who you are.  You have to face all your fears and figure out what to do next all by yourself.  The contrary is that you feel so alone that you don't even know where to begin.  You think to yourself every possible solution that let up to it, and what you can do to get back to the happy.  But why would you want to go back just for the cycle to continue again.  I know why....because the love never leaves.  It can't possibly, especially when it's unconditional.  But what do you do when it's not reciprocated??

     How are you to feel when you feel like every word told to you was a lie?  You lived in this space thinking things were at least on the same field.  But when in actuality, you were in this space all alone.  The wake up call is the most hurtful and destroying event that occurs.  Just like when you're dead tired and  your alarms doesn't go off and you're late to work.  That jolt...  Yea, that one where you feel like your heart is about to jump out of your chest.  When your heart breaks, it's the same feeling.  You hear the residuals of that snap for days, weeks, and months after.  And you have to find the strength and truth in yourself to move on.

     But what is moving on?  Not speaking to the person anymore?  Despising them to the point that you can't even stand to see the words they type on a screen?  Why does the good times have to just disappear and one has to move on?  Why do you have to become the person who has to ache in heartache when they seemed to have moved on without a hitch? Is that fair?

     Love isn't fair.  It never was and never will be.  Look at all the major love stories that we have all grown up to know like the back of our hands.  There is no love that we know that hasn't had the experience of heartbreak.  What I don't and will never seem to understand is why heartbreak even a factor.  Why can't two people who love each other go through life without one making the other cry?  Why does one person seem to move on quicker than the other?  Were they ever really there in the beginning?

     Sometimes we have to look at your fault in the situation, and stand in that for a moment. Once you have come to understand where you are, you then have to decide where you want to go from there and the plan that it will take for you to get there.  Love will come find you.  Love is a never ending battle, and if it's worth it and meant to be it will be when you least expect it.  The thing is all the false I love you's that break your heart and give you that jolting wake up call are only preparing you for the real unconditional love that will mend your broken pieces back together.

     Take the time you need, say the words you need to say. Don't hold things in to save the heart or feelings of the other person, because they weren't think about saving you when they broke your heart. One will have justifications for their actions until the shoe is on the other foot.  They will say whatever it is to keep you in that place of hurt so they won't have to sit and look themselves in mirror and face where they are. Though there were actions you took that got you there, but you weren't alone, so don't take all the blame or hurt.  Don't sit allow yourself to wither away with heartbreak, because it will control you.  Then you'll be asking yourself "am i going crazy"?

     Find your happy in a place where you can stand alone and smile.  It will take time and you will miss that alarm a couple of times, but I promise you will hear it again before it's even time and get up and say, "Ha, i did it....i found my happy!"  Then love, when you least expect it will be standing right there with open arms.

You Can't Grow in Complacency

Sometimes people become complacent where they are their lives.  Something inside of them becomes comfortable where they are and they desire to stay in that place.  But what they have to realize is that everyone around them is not going to be comfortable with complacency and must continue to grow.  And in the growth, the complacent may be left behind.  Without regret because everything your life and being has a season.

As we mature as adults we have to realize that when you are growing you have to shed the negative and the skin (friends, lovers, brokenhearts) that's holding us back.  I say friends because as we grow the people we assume to be friends may harbor ill feelings without your knowledge and continue to mask these feelings in "friendship" because of your continuing to want to grow. Honestly, that's on them.  In growth shedding the dead weight is healthy and helps you realize what in your life is truly needed and ultimately wanted.

Lovers or lack of may be holding back what he ultimately are looking for all along....true love.  We hold onto the possible thought of already have met Mr. Big ;) that we keep going back to Mr. Wrong.  Believe me if it hasn't happened by now it's time to drop them niggas alone.  They doing what they doing cuz you letting them. Mr. Big is coming just be patient.

In letting them go the brokenhearts are gonna occur and that's okay. But take those and let them be lessons for future endeavors in love.  Don't keep holding onto the ill feelings, allow the pain to come and go and be ready to face the next day.  In every new adventure go in with an open mind and heart. When your entering go in expecting the best. It doesn't hurt to try...the hurt comes from not paying attention to the signs.  Just pay attention and be open.  I know that says a lot, but just think about it.

Complacency is not allowed.  Use all you've got and get to where you want to go and allow what needs to be shedded to be shed.  The dead weight and negative pasts leave to be left right where they are. In complacency.

Is Your Mirror Clean?

Are you the one friend that most of your friends come to for advice on various scenarios?  How often do you think to yourself after giving such great advice "Lord why can't i use this advice for my own situation"?  Do you look at your own situation and realize that you would be so much less stressed or irritable if you heeded your own advice? What is it that you know what to do but don't?

Steam on the mirror. There's your answer! Have you noticed that when company is coming over you make your home nice and tidy; when alone you just let it be what it is?  Same a this metaphorical mirror.  When we place the mirror in front of someone when giving advice, we make sure the mirror is free of streaks, cracks and even steam.  However when we face it on ourselves we steam it up.  So therefore we don't see the situation clear enough to take our own advice.

Everyone has different types of steam. There's the "I can handle my situation" steam, "my situation is different from yours" steam, and the infamous "but I..." steam. The last can be the most detrimental because there are an infinite amount of EXCUSES we use behind it.  We often don't want to face ourselves because we know subconsciously what we have to do we just CHOOSE not to deal with what our situation is.  Yet, we continue to give all this advice and lack where we need....PRACTICING WHAT WE PREACH.

Your cycle will continue as long as you continue to look into a steamed mirror. Your situation is blurred, smeared and inconsistent.  You will continue to push out knowledge, wisdom and happiness but your own situation will lack until you take something and clean your mirror.  Allow yourself the opportunity to see your own situation clearly so you can have a clear vision of what you need to do.  It will be hard to look at yourself and be 100% honest with yourself.

I spoke in my last post about sacrifice and making decisions for yourself.  Your mirror is the first step in the process.  How can you make a clear decision based on unclear information. I'm sure your attempt to help your friends in their situation is for the best but you have to have clear vision for yourself to give the best advice.

So from now on, make sure you mirror is clean before you give advice.  Your message will come across so much clearer because you have living and giving by example.  Wipe off the steam and see yourself and your situation for exactly what they are and keep it clean.  A flawless life is impossible, but seeing a clear life only eliminates the option of making a decision with blurred, flawed and steamed insight.

Sacrifice. "You v. Them"

Something that I've learned in my adult life is that sacrifice is a major determining factor in where we may end up.  How many decisions have you made in your life that something had to be given up so something else could be done. I'm sure in your adult life that's an everyday occurrence.  Go on this trip or pay my light bill?  Be faithful to the love of my life or give this thot a chance to ruin all my happiness? Just examples...but hopefully you get my point.

In any decision a sacrifice has to be made and something has to be given up. I've realized that everyone, even your friends sometimes, don't realize when you are making a sacrifice for the reason of YOU.  You have to decide what will be the better outcome for yourself and not others.  In then end, others are always gonna sacrifice what they believe is best for them.  Not saying you aren't to help others out, just don't make a decision that in the long run that will have you losing.

In a world where "winning" is the objective, to stay on the winning team means sacrificing and making your life work best for the person living it...YOU.  We often make decisions by what we think others think of the decision, how someone will feel or what we think should occur.  Those days for me are over; no more trying to work out the decisions of myself and others.  You may lose somethings like friends, fun memories or love but in the end you will be able to look back and what you gained from the loss that probably wouldn't have added up to anything.

Next time you have two or more things to choose from, look at the situation and say to yourself "what's the sacrifice here"?  Weigh out all options and choose what is best for yourself. Those who feel you are making the wrong decision are only wanting you to do what's in their interest.  Everything you decide you do from here on out are for you because when you wake up and go to sleep you are the soul who has to live with every decision made.

Powers.

     Why is it that I can tell something has happened before someone has even told me? I am just blessed with powers that can foresee or is it that I have jut experienced so much bullshit in my 31 years that I can just dont expect anything but what is inevitable? When did I become so in tune with mannerisms that I see when a person changes the instant they do. These "powers" really have a double edged sword.
     The first side is that they really work in my advantage because I am able to see past a person's outer and really get intrigued by what they don't show. Pictures they say can have 1000 words, and words are often surface level thoughts that haven't been delved into. I like to get in a person's head and when I do that it's like the movie with Jennifer Lopez...I wanna go deeper and deeper until I'm in the core of their being. It's hard finding the person who will allow you in and be truly comfortable with showing you who they really are. I like to get there because when I do, I do things that make you happy and then you become aware of feelings you haven't experienced before. Once I'm in...I'm in.
     The opposite side of that power sword is that I have become very analytical when it comes to dating and getting to know someone. I have lost alot of the patience and forgiveness I once had. I am very straightforward in my dealings and don't hide things...because I feel if I'm interested I wanna give my all and expect the same in return. I can almost instantly tell when someone is changing. Funny that the lack of communication is the first thing I detect. The texts get shorter, the person becomes a bit busier with nothing in particular and the consistency dwindles. At the first sign, I'm ready to just forget the whole situation. Not a good thing. Am I too impatient? I have become so enthralled in what I want or what my expectations are that I don't give a person a chance to show me?
     Dating with powers is definitely something that is a work in progress for me. Like any superhuman you have to be able to control the powers stowed upon you and learn when and when not to use them. There aren't many of us out here and I think that's what makes so many relationships fly by night. I joke with my friends all the time about being the source of what powers people do have, and I say that because I know when someone is trying to use the powers they may have on me and it never works. When it comes to my heart I don't play and will automatically put up a shield if I think for a second you are trying to get me.
     So I have to learn to not to always have the shield up an let people in and then find the one who has the powers that help cultivate mine and experience the world of combined powers. The ultimately what we are superhumans looking for the power(s) that enhance and cultivate our own. There's one for all of us.

After Love at First Sight

     Have you ever looked into someone's eyes and fell in love? I know that sounds impossible but just sit back and think to yourself. I do mean figuratively tho, I don't think you actually fall in love; but I do feel that looking directly into another's eyes you do truly see that person for who they are.
I have always felt I can really see a person's true self but I experienced a different level of that last night that really caught me off guard. To the point that I wanted to never stop looking at them but also too shy to really look because I found myself realizing how I felt towards that person. Yes that giddy little girl smile and look away feeling lol. Then the thoughts started running.
     "Where do we go from here?" "Could this be what you've been looking for?" "How does he feel about me?" "Should I tell him how I feel?" "What if he is seeing someone?" "What if he rejects your feelings?" "Why are u thinking so much?" Yeah those thoughts. Interesting enough he wanted to know those thoughts, and at the exact moment.
     If you've kept up with me you know I'm extremely big on communication from the beginning of any relationship so I expressed SOME of the thoughts, and God that was the most embarrassing thing I've done in a while but it felt good. That kind of good where you blow out a breathe of relief when you're out of their sight.
     But the question remains where DO we go from here. I think this is where people go wrong...don't worry about that. Just continue to be consistent and allow life to unfold. Don't put expectations or thoughts about the future into play when it's only "day 2". You have to remember that nothing but a crazy stroke of luck or miracle changes things in a matter of 24 hours. Take your time and continue to do what you were doing before so that it happens naturally. You didn't wake up that day and decide that this person would intrigue/interest you, it just happened. So don't try and wake up today and decide that this is the person you're meant to be with for the rest of your life. If it's meant to be that way it will be. Enjoy the time spent together and be yourself and continue to do all the things that you feel require to get to where you want to be with that person. As long as the communication and honesty continue to thrive between the two of you; I doubt you all have no where to go but up.

Social Network 101

Why have the social networks become our personal diaries? Before MySpace, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter and etc. were created what were we doing? Did we really care what was on the mind of others? Did we really care what shoe or song the next person downloaded or bought? When did we become so inclined to tell people we know, barely know and don't even know every single thought or emotion we felt? And on the other end, when did we on the receiving care to log in and check every 5 minutes? I ask these questions because I feel social networking has ruined the communication between humans, especially the ones that are building or trying to build a romantic relationship. Hell, even some friendships have been ruined by statements made on the sites. We see it everyday on television....Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop, TMZ and all "reality" shows. People have become so enthralled in giving the world insight on what's going on in there world, that they have stopped communicating with the people who really and truly care about their feelings. Look at it like this, if you are in a relationship and you aren't communicating with the person what happens? The relationship starts to crumble because the other person, who you claimed to love and wanna be with, starts to feel like they matter because you are giving all 3,000 of your friends, associates and strangers all information about who you are, what you're feeling and all visuals of you in the bathroom half naked that your relationship falters. Why did you stop communicating with the person. Why is the public more important than who is in your corner? You all see or hear me talk about my three C's toward a great relationship. If you haven't I'll discuss that next time. The first C is communication. Without communication you have a relationship where the two parties don't know anything about each other. A great relationship should involve two people who have the ability to talk about and discuss in detail everything from feelings to jealousies without judgement. I shouldn't have to go on Facebook or any other social network to see how my partner is feeling. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. Give the person in your relationship your feelings and give them the opportunity to give their input. It will make your relationship so much stronger. Stop allowing the general public to weigh in on what's going on. Misery loves company. If you are in a relationship why give single people the opportunity to have you join them in the ranks of looking for something, when half the time they dont even know what they are looking for themselves because they spend so much of their time using statuses and Instagram posts looking for their next love. Relationships should also have a level of privacy where the general public, especially those already trying to break you up or the people you all call "haters", doesn't know how pissed off they've made you. And stop calling everyone a hater. People aren't hating on something you are allowing them to perceive as being true. If you are always pissed off, in your feelings, sad and depressed about something in YOUR relationship, we have nothing to hate on....we just see what you're relaying. There's the old saying "perception is reality", and if you give everyone the perception that your relationship is crumbling what do you think they are going to try to do? Now I'm not saying do the exact opposite and show people every kissy face, sleep in bed together, naked in the mirror together picture either. That is just as draining!! We don't or shouldn't care that much either. I say all of this so that we really start communicating and expressing ourselves with the person we want to be with. That is the stepping stone in allowing something strong and beautiful grow, so that social networks become a place just for that...socializing. A diary is something private that everyone isn't able to just check out like a book in the library. Don't allow the general public into your personal life so much that you lose someone you want to be with. Allow you and that person to know each other inside and out. Allow that person to be your diary. Give them everything, and let the networks be there for the fun.

"YOU" An Ode to thePast, Present and Future

You were the 4 years of my life that made me exactly I am I am and what I know. I look back at you and just smile. We had the worst and best of times but they were all a foundation of what my heart is now. I now understand that all the shit we went through was stupid all because communication wasn't important. It just showed me that people do grow apart. I could never forget the memories that we have, the people I have met because of you, and the lessons we both learned. I always wish you the best and you know that you will always have the special place in my heart. You all are the ones who came in between to make me even more educated on the male species. The games you played, the lies you told just kept me on the right path to a destination I see in the near distance. It was all game for me and probably you too, but I'm winning! I watch so many of you tweet, facebook poke, take half nude pictures, and fall in and out of love so quickly. Those all make me just laugh to myself and say "damn they still don't know their worth, oh well maybe one day". See you there whenever you arrive. You were a far away admirer that I also admired from far away as well. Then you spoke and took me out to dinner. It was the start of something that I look back and would do all over again. A connection with you has taken me on so many different emotional rollercoasters that I stay buckled up for the next drop. I've been in and out of your life and you mine. But somehow something keeps us coming back for more. More of whatever it is that we can't title but also dont want to title. It's been great! You are important to me in a "big" way. You came into my life my birthday of "the influential" year. You were the honest and outspoken person I'd seen in a while. You like to talk on the phone all day because we lived apart, but once in person something changed. The communication changed, you changed and I changed right with you. I realized you wanted something and I wasn't the one to give it to you. The love is there and always will be but you want less than what I want and that's cool. Another in between, you've actually always been there but cant be there fully because you have to be someone else in your world. In my world, you are the ideal but your world doesn't understand my world and that's why you take the amazing journey and stay as long as you can. I show you a person you didn't think could exist and be happy and you have expressed it. You seem so much more comfortable in my world and you open up and I love that. You can't admit it, but what's understood doesn't have to be stated. You will always be able to come visit anytime. You were so unexpected and just came out of the blue. But you couldn't be mine because we understood too many bad things would come from this beautiful thing. This has made our relationship so much stronger because we have a love that know one would understand or even think could exist. You are amazing and an amazing friend, lover, confidante. Miss you and will always be there! Talk to you soon flat face! You showed up and my world has changed and I don't want it to go back to normal. I smile at the thought of you, the sight of a received text from you and the vision of your face across my screen. You are consistent, you communicate, you compromise and you make me happy. Where have you been? Sitting on the side lines waiting for me? Or maybe I just had to step up to the plate and take the first step down the road I've belonged on. And you are just the partner I want to take this journey with for the rest of the trip. I somehow know that you will be able to step right in and have what I need to make this trip a breeze and I will do the same for you. I'm so glad YOU came.

Know You Be You

Had a conversation with an associate last night about newly into relationships and why people feel they have to lie about their past when going into something new with someone. I feel people lie to themselves and judge themselves on past experiences because they have looked back on them and realized that what they feel they wanted at the that time wasn't exactly what they wanted at all. Now if a person judges themself, they automatically feel the world and the person they are in this new situation with are judging them as well; when in fact, no one is really paying that much attention to all of that. We put more emphasis on our own past then the people surrounding us.

Lets dive a little more into this matter and look at how this becomes a cycle of lies and false pretences. A person feels that they always have to be this perfect person when going into something new. A person that isn't who they really are because we all know that no one is perfect. We all have a past and we have all done things that we aren't so proud of. Any person who doesn't understand that really shouldn't be looking to be involved until they have come to grips with what they've done. That's apart of life that we all have to discover within ourselves. You can become someone else trying to please what you think another person wants in a person. You can only be someone you're not but for so long.

We've all played the game of "impersonation with friends" (I wonder if there's an app for that lol), where you pretend to be someone else and your friends have to guess who that person is. Notice how much energy it takes to play that role? So why in the world would you want to be someone other than who you are everyday of your life. That's a lot of wasted energy. Give the person you are getting involved with the person they are gonna wake up to 6 months from now in the beginning. When you give someone the truth about who you are, what you want, what your expectations, wants and needs are from the start they have no other choice but to decide where they want the two of you to go. Being not 100% true and honest only makes them fall for someone else and then wake up one day, you are being the real you and they are going to lose all interest. Then the problems start and you are sitting wondering where it all went wrong. Answer to that? In the beginning.

How can you expect someone to stay in a situation when they've spent all this time getting to know someone that doesn't even exist? They now see who you really are and they have to learn everything all over again. What would you do? What if they basically were living a lie, would you stay? We sometimes become so consumed in trying to prove people wrong for what ever reason that we become so many different people and are so unconscious that everyday a little bit of the true us disappears more and more. Then what are we left with. A lonely shell that's wondering why the love we really want never seems to appear.

Take the time to really sit down and look back over your past and see where it all went wrong. When did it first happen that you felt you had to portray something you weren't? The people around you can't place any judgement if you walk up with your head held high and understand that your past makes you who you are in the present. Take every past experience as a lesson and allow those experiences to drive you be a better individual in the future. Life is about growing and understanding that every is their own person for a reason, and you shouldn't be trying to be the next person because that person is already taken.

After the Hurricane

After the hurricane why is it so calm? Where did all the craziness go? Did it travel to destroy the next country or island?  Is this what happens when the hurricane of a good relationship goes astray.  Where does all the energy to cause so much havoc go? And what does it leave us with?  Just this mess of a broken heart ad shattered dreams?

Relationships are like the weather.  We enjoy all the great times when we can relax and just go with the flow of wind and we are all smiles and kisses.  The first minor storm occurs and only leaves small damage that we don't clean just rather straighten up, and the mess is still there.  The sun comes back out and we are back to the happy, kissy face days I like to call em.  Why dont we prepare for the next storm?  Is it that we're so happy with sun that we forgot about what just happened when we were in the midst of it?

And just like the weather after sun another storm approaches...doing just a bit more damage that was already done because we didn't fix what was damaged from the last storm.  This time we're angry at ourselves because we see we're back where we started only to find the problem has gotten worse.   This is when we try and do something different and actually clean up the mess and but fix the foundation.

Once again the storm is over and we go right back to living what we think is normality.  Going back to the ole cycle of life without planning to prepare the next time the forecast says danger.  

What I want all of us to do is starting planning to prepare for the hurricane.  The ultimate storm that's destroying and potentially great homes(relationships).  The foundations needs to be in place so that no storm can destroy it.  The foundation is yourself; you have to build this foundation by yourself and without the help of family or "friends".  Make sure the decorations of your home are what you've bought and not what others have placed in you.  Take each house, apt, room, basement prior as an example and don't bring unnecessary decorations that hurt the appearance of your new home. 

I stand here looking at a community of houses that need new foundations before trying to add additions with broken foundations.  It's after the hurricane and we need to ban together to make indestructible foundations.

Making The Other Half Whole

When did it become so important in a relationship to worry and care about the other person so much that we totally forget about ourselves? When was it instilled in our heads that as long as the other person in this relationship is happy, we will someday get what WE actually want? Have we seen so many dysfunctional relationships that we don't know what reciprocity is anymore and dysfunction has become the norm?

Well personally I'm tired of dysfunction, and tired of seeing it surround my life when I see so many unhappy people in these relationships. I wonder if some of you actually spent time getting to know yourselves for 30 days doing whatever it is YOU want to and like to do without having someone persuade you otherwise, then after regrouping and writing down what it is you want someone to add to that, would you actually WANT to be with the person you are with now. I'm almost positive a good 70% of you would be single instantly. The reason being you have put yourself on the back burner thinking you had to do so to prove to your partner that you care.

I believe a lot of us forget that what we want in a relationship is just as important as the other person's wants and needs. If you place all of your opinions, thoughts, wants, desires and creative energies to the side, then so will your partner. A person will do anything and everything you allow them to. If they see they always get what they want, they will continue to disregard your feelings and it will always keep you unhappy.

What is it that you really want in a relationship? How can you enhance the life you're living with the person you are with? Write down what it is you want from your partner. Is the person you laying with giving you 80% of what's on that list? Hell, are they giving you 50%? I started with 80% because its impossible to find someone that will give you 100, and if you have that person, then you need to disclose the software application you programmed them with! I just want more people to really sit back and get to know themselves and what it is they want before divulging themselves into these relationships where they lose who they are, and then wake up one day and realize they are miserable.

Also remove the materialistic items from the list. If you go into something looking for material, how do you expect to have a real relationship with expectations of things of a shelf life of only a season? Be truly honest with yourself about who you are and what you want and others will have no choice but to step up to the plate or step away. Put out the respect you want to receive and it will have no other option but present itself to you. Also stop expecting what you want to be the visual image you've set forth in your mind. Your soul mate could be someone that has been in your past that you disregarded because they weren't physically what you would normally look for. So after writing your list, look back at those that have crossed your path that is that 80%. You'll probably be greatly surprised at who they were.

In the end, we have to make sure that we are in the forefront of the relationship just as much as the other person. Don't become a clone to their beliefs, thoughts, ideas and wants. They were attracted to you for you being you, you should stay that way. If you find yourself getting lost, pull out the map you drew for yourself and get back on the right track. Even if that means leaving them at the campground.

Men Aren't From Mars....

That old saying some things are just to be understood is so relevant when it comes to the subject matter of men. Now I know you wonder to yourself "how can a man say that??" And my answer to that is always "clearly I'm a different species"!!! LOL...

I say men aren't from Mars because if we really break down what we seem to know about martians, they are extremely intelligent beings! Now I'm not saying that men aren't intelligent, they just make the dumbest decisions, have the dumbest thought processes, and can just downright get on our last nerves sometimes!! See...things we don't understand.

For example, why do men stop working for something once they believe they have "gotten it"?? They do all this flaunting, styling, wining and dining to get what they want and the moment their successful they feel the work is done. Whether sex, a relationship, or whatever they feel they can relax and sit back while the other party continues to work. Is there part of us that allows them to feel this way. Are we working to keep them, or have we dropped our standards because we have them and don't keep them on their toes??

I've seen so many times in others' relationships (and in mine), in the beginning he does what you want or believe you want and the moment certain levels are reached he slacks more and more. It takes a while before we even realize it has happened until you've realized you're doing all the calling, making all the plans, saying the "I Love Yous" first and basically initiating everything. Why does he stop? What goes on in his head? What is he thinking?

I say its time to start asking him, because he will continue to slack if you continue to let. Keep your expectations changing and keeping him on his toes. Maybe if we change up on em every once in a while, they won't be able to get complacent. Complacency is no where to be in a relationship, because complacency leads to boredom which leads to lack of communication and we all know what lack of communication does to a relationship.

Start exploring the foreign planet their brain resides on and let's not keep believing it Mars. Even Martians come to our planet every now and then to see what's going on.

Someone Like You (Unsaid Words)

I heard that you're settled down that you've found a guy that you're married. Knowing you all the time told me that marriage wasn't necessary kinda makes me gag, but you always did shit that contrasted what you said. I heard that your dreams came true. I guess he gave you things that I couldn't give to you. Like the labels, and the big scene out in public. The unconditional love I had to offer wasn't enough for your ego. Or what you thought a relationship should be. Time and time again I sat around and thought you would change, when you had only decided to move on.

Old friend, the love of my life, why are you so shy ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light. Hell you were the light that brightened up the room. Is it because I've shown up and you can't hide your true feelings any longer, but here you stand about to make a decision that will ultimately destroy 3 lives. I hate turn up out the blue uninvited but I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight and I hoped that when you saw my face you'd be reminded it was over for me. I hope you understand it isn't for me because I think about you every single day of my life and I know you feel the same way by the look on your face.

But you know what, never mind I'll find someone like you I wish the best for you two. I know in the bottom of my heart that's an impossible task because there is no one like you and could never be. Don't forget me I beg and I'll remember you said sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead. That saying is the first and last thought of the day because those words were spoken from your mouth. And this is the point where it will hurt instead forever. Just don't forget me.

You know how the time flies seems like yesterday were the time of our lives we were born in a summer haze bound by our glory days. I mean I've only known you since I was 6 years old and you were my everything. You took a part of me, when I was first ready that you will always have with you. Now those are just memories that can only be held by the thought of you. All for us to move on. I really didn't wanna show up like this, but I wanted my face to be a reminder that for me this isn't over.

But like I said never mind I'll find someone like you, I really wish the best for you two. Nothing compares no worries or cares, regrets and mistakes are memories made. Who would've known how bittersweet this would taste. I mean just forget all the memories that we've made. They seem to mean nothing to you so I just have to move along. But you know what you would've thought this would actually feel like this.

But again I'll find someone like you I wish the best for you two. Live a happy fulfilled life and I will try. Don't forget me I beg and I'll remember you said sometimes is lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead. Forever.

These Shoes

There's an old saying that goes "you could never walk a mile in my shoes". Now there are a lot of believe who believe that, but why do they believe it. The reason is you don't know the exact reasons why a person would say that in the first place. Could that be the reason behind the saying??
We never know what most people have gone through unless they verbally themselves display that information. So "walking in their shoes" is utterly impossible.

Now taking the literal version of that same phrase can have a whole different meaning. Now I can walk in any shoe, boot, pump (youtube me lol), sandal or flip flop given. But all of you reading can't say that...so I say to you..."You can't walk a mile in my shoes"...hehehe j/k!!

But the shoes in this picture haven't been through the same mile that the feet that occupy them have journeyed through. Why you ask? Because the shoes were just bought so they aren't old enough to have gone through the journey. That doesn't mean they are any less important because they will now do their job of a journey that they will then be able to tell a story. The feet are the most wise because without them leading the way this journey of life would be completely different and your views will then be different so therefore your actions.

I say this because judgement is rapid these days and it hinders a lot of possibly great relationships. Never out what the person looks like through their journey determine the journey you think they've encountered. Sit back and ask questions about their journey and you may find obstacles that they've come across just may be in your near future. Your feet will never take the same journey of their feet but you just might need their shoes.


You can have these when I'm done...

I Don't Normally do This but I can't refrain....

I'm not the type to go off on social networks because I sometimes feel like those rants are often ill needs for attention that ultimately won't be received. Not received because people don't have empathy or sympathy for the situation(s) stated, but because the QUANTITY of those situations. Quantities that make those situations too frequent.

But not to take this post to another subject (which is another post coming soon), I'm going to do this rant because I feel people around me forget that what you do in the dark will ALWAYS come to the light. And that karma is an evil bitch and also my best friend!!!

I was in a situation with this boi, who claimed to be a man, where I gave multiple situations of forgiveness when after the first one I shouldve learned my lesson. Now there was something about him...I guess the challenge, that kept me interested. Now though I am gonna blast his shit, I do take full responsibility of my actions because that would be immature of me no to. But he time after time of standing me up and lying about God knows what, got many more opportunities than one that I have gone on a date with got. But instead of trying to use that to his advantage he decided to continue lying and digging a deeper hole.

In one of his lies was that while we were together that he had slept with someone that I had known or had known me. And supposedly the reason for him telling me was because after not wanting to talk to the person again, the person had threatened to tell me themselves. Now at this point I decided to let the story slide (naivete kicked in) and give yet another chance. But this is where the story takes a turn.

The last draw was the last time he stood me up and basically admitted to it. This where the shit hits the fan...most recently this evening the other guy I mentioned earlier tweeted the name of this boi and I asked a simple question....ignored all attempts to rectify the situation. Now we all know I'm an observant bitch (hell how u think I get the ideas for these posts you love so mich lmao), so I can clearly put the pieces together and see that they been talking for the longest time. Not only did my naivete hinder me from seeing it but it allowed me to also be a pawn for when there was a hitch in their relationship. That's why he could never see me because then it would all hit the fan.

It amazes me how niggas don't think that they shit don't stink and they can do whatever they want. When does that thought come across their mind and they believe it. Are they that immature that they believe these fallacies of their imagination. I guess I'm the only one in the world who feels that you have to work for the things you want because only a few are born with that silver spoon. And that goes for love too. How do they expect to ever have a real relationship if they go into all of them with these ideals of their perfect world?

I know what it is!! It's the people who are weak minded enough to not realize wants going on and continue to fall deeper and deeper in lust with the bum. Yes lust....you can't fully love someone who doesn't even attempt to love in return. Its time for us to start following our guts and realizing when to cut them off. The first time!! Stop allowing these bois shaped like men living these false lives they've created. It only makes u a character in their story, and they have enjoying writing every page with your name attached.

Don't let the fear of being by yourself until the right one comes ultimately keep you unhappy because you have no real control of your heart.

Living a Real Life of Assumption and the Causes

I am living the perfect example of what can happen when one person makes an assumption of a reality that they have created in their mind. I have an associate that took past experiences and created a reality for themselves that doesn't really exist. He took his physical attributes and made assumptions of those that cross his path.

Why do attractive men think that because they know they are attractive and successful and have a good head on their shoulders, that they are targets for those who only want them for those physical attributes?? Why do they assume that the genuine ones are just like the rest of thirsty and treat them as such? My associate doesn't even realize the bridge he burned because of his choice not to even ask what the situation really was. To me that just makes him just as unattractive as the rest of them.

To assume that someone who really cared about what was going on in your life was just only doing so to try and conquer something that was created only in your personal mind is quite childish, insecure and unattractive. It makes me question what was going on in your head that you couldn't come to terms with. Maybe the fact that you were actually becoming to attracted to the real ideal of what you wanted in a mate?? See gay men have the ability to create the perfect person for them and not realizing when that actual person is presented to them because he doesn't fit the physical we created in our head. When will we learn to actually look at the heart of a person and letting the contribute to the outward appearance.

Most of us don't realize that love done the right way is not what we have fictionalized for ourselves. God has put a person on this Earth especially made for us...He just wants us to open our eyes to the heart just has He does. When we do that we won't have to create personal realities, and thus having to assume something that never existed. When we decide to grow up and open up and let people in...the assumptions will end. Because in the end, as the old saying goes, when one assumes you only make an ass out of yourself...

#thinkaboutit

Your Name Makes You

You know I've come to realize that a lot of people don't know how detrimental their name can really be. It doesn't take winning a prize or becoming a millionaire for your name to get around faster than you do. And this can cause all different types of reactions from people upon your first encounter with them.

I say this because recently I had a conversation with friends and i just had to talk about this. Have you ever encountered someone that you didn't necessarily know upon first seeing them, but when a friend of yours mentioned their name all the attractiveness went out the window?? That's exactly what I am talking about. You've heard about every Tom, Dick and Harry that they've been with and they become an unattractive "hoe".

I am not that much older but the younger generation really pisses me off because when I am out I know about 80% of the shit that goes on in these little circles, and each and every one of them are combined and intertwined by atleast 2 of the people in them. Which is quite scary to me! This only lets me know that either most of either too immature to leave your friends dates alone, or too insecure to break the mold of what you see your friends doing. I have always been the one to date the person I found attractive and not my friends. That's for two reasons....1 I don't have to worry about them trying to talk to my partner and 2 I set my own accord to what I want. My friends aren't going to be the one that wakes up to my partner every morning so therefore they don't get to tell me what is attractive or not.

Sex is another thing that I find that a lot of you are using to intertwine this circles. You have these conversations about what happens, how good he was, how big his "meat" is and when you find that interesting, you secretly go after (and I find that you often succeed) the leftovers your friend, ex date, bestie as already experienced. Just down right NASTY if you ask me. Mind you the whole time, the boy who's getting all the ass, has a confidante (like myself) that they are telling all your business to. And thus, your reputation is built.

Now you are going around doing all this, and not even realizing that the decisions you are making in your personal relationships is gathering and gathering and making you look like something that you may not necessarily truly be because you are satisfying only the desires of your body and not your heart. Then you gain this maturity and are truly ready to settle down. But what happens is, you've been doing you for so long when it's time to settle down you, the ones that are truly worth your time don't want to be bothered because your name as been mentioned so often in the dirt around the city they don't even give you the time of day. Therefore you go thru all this time of being single trying to fix the reputation of false identity because of your past.

I just want some of you to really evaluate the decisions you make when starting to involve yourselves in these escapades of "relationships". Because what you think you are hiding, is actually presenting itself without your knowledge and can only damage your image faster than you think it will. Just mature and really evaluate the person you are about to date, or just have a one night (sometime multiple night)stand with. It only takes 1 second for you to become the "hoe" of the city.

#thinkaboutit

A Twilight Love

Earlier today, I was watching "Twilight" (which I think is one of the best love stories this generation has seen) and a particular part struck a nerve and gave me this amazing question that I asked to myself. In this part, Edward (the sexy, witty vampire) is explaining to Bella (his soon to be lover and human) that he can read every mind in the restaurant except for hers. And that's when it hit me!!! Is the one person that's meant for us supposed to be the one we can never figure out? Are we supposed to take our time in this life together on this journey to try and figure each other out and have the best time doing it?

How many older couples have you talked to and asked "how did you all stay together so long"?? I bet if you did, the answer would be something like "everytime I see them its like for the first time again" or "I'm still learning who is he today and that fascinates me". Relationships should be peaceful journeys on the discovery of what the other person brings to your life that makes it even more enjoyable. And not knowing everything about the person should make you even more intrigued and give you a yearning of continuously wanting more. Bella was never scared of Edward because the curiosity inside of her wouldn't allow her to be. And he couldn't understand why this human girl wasn't afraid of the most lethal creature on Earth. Yet the love was still pure, unconditional, and fearless.

I know soooo many people who are looking for that same love, but for some reason stop searching for thing that makes them intrigued. Its almost like a hunter and the prey. We set up these images in our mind of what we want and find attractive (prey) and go searching for it (hunter). Well in most circumstances, our prey is all around us because we want the attractive, money making (or so we thing), socialite hot topic who can't do anything for us. So we hunt, capture and feast (or date for sake of better wording) only to find that this particular prey is not what's gonna get us thru the winter. See once we've captured our prey we are no longer intrigued because its not what we originally want. We want the person who cares, respects, reciprocates what we give, and makes us feel that feeling of slight fear that grabs our attention. Have you ever thought to yourself that this person may just be the opposite of what your "prey" is?? I'll talk about this in the next post.

Back to looking at Bella and Edward, neither of them wouldve thought the day before they met that they would have this journey ahead of them. But when fate kicks in, you have no control over what is to take place. And you have to role with the punches. Edward tells Bella that her smell is like his own personal heroine. I wanna know what this fragrance was so I can go purchase it for a man, vampire, werewolf, leprechaun to tell me the same LOL!!! But seriously, that's a love that I know I'm searching for. A total opposite of myself that makes me laugh, gives me a reason to think, explore, question, defy. That person that I may not technically supposed to be with, but without them I couldn't imagine a life living; a person that no matter how many other minds I can read, theirs I cannot but I will spend the rest of my life or even the rest of theirs trying to figure them out. It takes an open mind and an open heart to find this needle in the haystack, but hey if those are open maybe he'll appear in my Biology class too.

Are You Insane???

You know I've learned something extremely interesting today. Insanity is the repetition of the same actions with the thought of a different outcome. In laymen's terms, you do the same thing over and over thinking next time it will be different. Thus, turning something that can be positive into a terrible cycle of headache and heartache.. So I have some questions for you all... Are you insane or sane?? Are you making the same mistake over and over and thinking "it'll be different this time"? Only to come to the conclusion what you thought would be is actually the exact opposite of what reality is.

Take an off again on again relationship for instance, how many of us have friends that continue breaking up with the same person over and over again and you don't understand why? I've found myself in this situation time and time again; and I find that I repeat myself more and more often. I feel that there are a lot of people stay in these relationships because of the fear of being alone. Or they "love" the person. When in actuality the main and clearest reason is that they are insane. They continue to go back and make the same decision thinking that "my relationship will be different this time". Well why in the hell would you think that when you're getting back with the same person from a week ago?? That person isn't gonna change because they know the cycle and they know you're only allowing them to be who they are. They don't have to change because you haven't changed your actions. You're only telling them that you've had enough of the bullshit that they've given you for this section of time and you need a break. So what do they do?? Go out have their fun and wait for the right moment when its convenient for them (and we've discussed "Convenience Store Love" before) to come back and start all over again. So I ask again are you sane or insane??

The person you're with is just as insane as you are because they're thinking "Lord why do we keep going thru this when I know I can get back?" They think this time he/she won't get tired of my actions and will be used to it and we won't have to keep going thru this. WRONG!!! The cycle isn't gonna change, the insanity isn't gonna end because you all are not communicating enough to get to the source of the issue. And after 3 or 4 times of the same shit, when does it hit you all that maybe the two of you may not just be that compatible. Stop fighting the inevitable because what is meant to be will be and what isn't won't.

There is a plan for all of us, and there are always signs that if something isn't working that maybe you aren't on the designed plan that was placed before you. Stop trying to make something out of nothing and destroying the precious but short time we have here. Happiness should be from within and effortless. Love in its purest is unconditional and without fear. If you fear you can't trust, communicate, or do certain things with the person that "loves" you then it isn't love. It's something else. Stop thinking that if you take the same exact steps everyday that the journey you're on will be any different. It won't!! You have to change your mindset and the decisions you make daily in order to be somewhere different. So again, sane or insane??