I don’t know about you, but I have encountered so many relationships recently that are purely out of convenience. Now I know you’re wondering “Shade what the hell you talking bout??” Have you looked at someone’s relationship and thought to yourself that only one person seems to be the benefactor from the relationship?? That’s what I call a “convenience store” relationship. Come in when you need something, do what you need to do get to what you need and go back to your normal routine until something else runs out. Now these are the common products like tissue, bread or milk. I’m talking about sex, that pep talk, a hug, that arm piece when you all go out, or someone just to say “that’s my man”. But like I said I see so many of these and 9 times out of 10, the person on the short end of the stick either knows and pays it (cuz they “love” them) or can’t see the bright end of the tunnel. Well time for me to open your eyes, because apparently the people around you aren’t saying anything.
If you are in a relationship and your partner only seems to be communicating when the going is good or when they need that great pep talk that you seem to always give, but the minute you are upset or need what you give they disappear or seem to be oblivious to what you are going thru… HINT #1 of a “convenience store” relationship. If you always go out and seem to be the one paying for everything because “they just don’t have it”… HINT #2 of a “convenience store” relationship. If they can always make time to do what they want to do and leave you behind when its time to do something you love or just want to experience with them… HINT #3 of your “convenience store” relationship. That’s only 3 of the many things I can come up with to show you what I’m talking about and some that I am missing, but you should catch my drift. You aren’t that dumb! At least I hope not, but you have to open your eyes to what’s happening and realize that you are being taken advantage of. Yes, your kindness is no longer a weakness…you are the victim of a selfish partner. So now that you know, what are you gonna do about. I hope you’re going to realize that it has to stop and if you don’t start getting exactly what you are giving, someone needs to evacuate the premises.
I could never sit around and let someone take advantage of me because I’m “scared of lonely”. Hell you already by yourself you might as well do it without the title of a relationship. Convenience store relationships have so many other sides of them that are overlooked. The “shopper” (for cases and purpose) may be unhappy and doesn’t know how to leave the relationship, don’t care how you feel and because you allow they continue to do so, or lastly they’re hiding something!! The biggest things they are hiding are insecurities that they don’t have to show when they are around you, because you enable them to hide it with all of what you provide for them. Yes, I do feel you are at fault somewhat because not only does it take two, but because you are allowing yourself to sometimes see it and would rather allow it than change it or move on.
Now for the “shopper”, you all are just sad! You are so selfish that you don’t even care what happens half of the time. You are getting what you want and only giving what you can spend at the time. You don’t put in the effort to maintain the store. You don’t put in the overtime to make sure that the entrepreneur (and I call them that because they are in this relationship by themselves) has what they need to grow in the relationship. Stop shopping and become and partner in this business. Stop only looking in the mirror at what you get to benefit and start looking at what’s going on the rest of the store. You’re not gonna be happy until a robber comes in and takes the store from you and then you gonna have nowhere to shop. See crooks are always staking the store. They check your pattern of when you need items, when you shop for milk and bread… and when you leave they walk in and take it all. All I’m saying is that you aren’t being a great partner in this, and you need to remember what you wont do…another shopper or crook will.
It’s time for a lot of you that are in these “convenience store” relationships to grow up and turn these into “corporations”. Why not want the world and to have someone to share it with??
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Snakes in the Grass
How many times in your life have you noticed that people aren’t really who they portray to be when you first meet them?? How many times in your life have you been betrayed by someone whom you thought was a “friend”?? How many times in your life has something occurred and you thought to yourself “is it that serious”?? I’m sure 90% of you reading those questions can’t count the number of times on your fingers or toes. Know why?? The answer is…you all don’t keep your grass cut in order for you to see all the snakes that are hiding in your lawn.
A lot of you are so busy tending to the confusion and sometimes foolishness that occurs in your house that you forget that the grass outside your house is continually growing and more and more snakes are starting to hide and live there. These snakes are watching your every move and just waiting on the time to attack. They know when you leave to go to work, take the kids to soccer practice, and even go to the grocery store, and when you least expect it they slither into your home and start causing havoc. And here you are, looking foolish because you wanted to be blind to things that would have been so evident if you were paying attention. Of course the previous was an analogy, but let’s break this down into a language you all can understand. There are many different types of snakes…the “best friend” snake, the “cheating” snake, the “sabotaging” snake, etc. Now these are the most common snakes and they snakes that attack the most. Of course there are others and some more venomous than others, but these are the most interesting and the ones that are most common.
The “best friend” snake is the snake that becomes your bestie over night and you’re just so happy that someone is trying to get to know you without any strings. So you’re here telling them all your business and keeing with them, to only find out they are taking the information and telling everyone they can tell it to. Now what’s the sad thing about this part is they are playing the angel the entire time. They will even go as far as removing anyone from your life that will take the light off of them thus becoming the “sabotaging” snake. This is the snake I dislike the most. The “sabotaging” snake will smile in your face and destroy everything in your life when you turn your back. Just so they appear the savior. Pay close attention to people’s actions, they can only be something they aren’t for a short amount of time. The third type of snake I want to discuss is the “cheating” snake. This breed of serpent can be found in or out of your house. The one that’s in the house comes in the form of a boyfriend or family member that does everything in its spineless power to let the other snakes in. They open the door and have a party when you’re gone and then kick everyone out when they think you are coming. They are close in similarity to the “sabotaging” breed, but the only difference is they can hold their agendas hidden a bit longer because they have the ability to hold their new shape a lot longer... and I mean years. The “cheating” snake also goes after the newbies. You know the people that are new to a scene or city, and are the perfect prey. See the newbie doesn’t recognize the signs because they haven’t been in this environment and don’t know what to look for. The snake loves this because they can become anything or anyone they want and it will appear so genuine and the newbie isn’t gonna know until the shit hits the fan.
There are certain steps one can take to make sure that snakes don’t fester in their lawn and/or home. First step, keep your grass cut. Snakes love to hide in tall grass of blindness and the more you walk around with tall grass they will continue to follow and try to get you. Step two, start being able to see b/s from far away. There are so many of you that are so busy trying to prove a point or be something that you aren’t, that you are oblivious to all the harm that’s being done to you behind your back. Just stop for a second and look around. You’ll find that you have more snakes than you think. People are giving you all the signs you just have to have an open eye and stop it in its tracks. Being naïve is not cute nor will you get anywhere faster trying to play victim. If someone fools you more than once, then it is your fault that they keep getting away with it. Become a snake charmer…
Becoming a snake charmer means you play the music that they love to hear and when they come you snatch and punch em in the throat!! LOL!! Well not literally but you catch my drift. It’s time to start showing that the bullshit that has been going on for so many years needs to come to an end. When people stop being so conniving and nasty, and just being themselves rumors will cease, broken hearts will become fewer and fewer, and real friendships will blossom. So the next time you are getting ready to walk out of your door, look in all the cracks and crevices of your “home” and look in your lawn and see if see any slithering serpents. I’m sure you will…so get rid of em.
A lot of you are so busy tending to the confusion and sometimes foolishness that occurs in your house that you forget that the grass outside your house is continually growing and more and more snakes are starting to hide and live there. These snakes are watching your every move and just waiting on the time to attack. They know when you leave to go to work, take the kids to soccer practice, and even go to the grocery store, and when you least expect it they slither into your home and start causing havoc. And here you are, looking foolish because you wanted to be blind to things that would have been so evident if you were paying attention. Of course the previous was an analogy, but let’s break this down into a language you all can understand. There are many different types of snakes…the “best friend” snake, the “cheating” snake, the “sabotaging” snake, etc. Now these are the most common snakes and they snakes that attack the most. Of course there are others and some more venomous than others, but these are the most interesting and the ones that are most common.
The “best friend” snake is the snake that becomes your bestie over night and you’re just so happy that someone is trying to get to know you without any strings. So you’re here telling them all your business and keeing with them, to only find out they are taking the information and telling everyone they can tell it to. Now what’s the sad thing about this part is they are playing the angel the entire time. They will even go as far as removing anyone from your life that will take the light off of them thus becoming the “sabotaging” snake. This is the snake I dislike the most. The “sabotaging” snake will smile in your face and destroy everything in your life when you turn your back. Just so they appear the savior. Pay close attention to people’s actions, they can only be something they aren’t for a short amount of time. The third type of snake I want to discuss is the “cheating” snake. This breed of serpent can be found in or out of your house. The one that’s in the house comes in the form of a boyfriend or family member that does everything in its spineless power to let the other snakes in. They open the door and have a party when you’re gone and then kick everyone out when they think you are coming. They are close in similarity to the “sabotaging” breed, but the only difference is they can hold their agendas hidden a bit longer because they have the ability to hold their new shape a lot longer... and I mean years. The “cheating” snake also goes after the newbies. You know the people that are new to a scene or city, and are the perfect prey. See the newbie doesn’t recognize the signs because they haven’t been in this environment and don’t know what to look for. The snake loves this because they can become anything or anyone they want and it will appear so genuine and the newbie isn’t gonna know until the shit hits the fan.
There are certain steps one can take to make sure that snakes don’t fester in their lawn and/or home. First step, keep your grass cut. Snakes love to hide in tall grass of blindness and the more you walk around with tall grass they will continue to follow and try to get you. Step two, start being able to see b/s from far away. There are so many of you that are so busy trying to prove a point or be something that you aren’t, that you are oblivious to all the harm that’s being done to you behind your back. Just stop for a second and look around. You’ll find that you have more snakes than you think. People are giving you all the signs you just have to have an open eye and stop it in its tracks. Being naïve is not cute nor will you get anywhere faster trying to play victim. If someone fools you more than once, then it is your fault that they keep getting away with it. Become a snake charmer…
Becoming a snake charmer means you play the music that they love to hear and when they come you snatch and punch em in the throat!! LOL!! Well not literally but you catch my drift. It’s time to start showing that the bullshit that has been going on for so many years needs to come to an end. When people stop being so conniving and nasty, and just being themselves rumors will cease, broken hearts will become fewer and fewer, and real friendships will blossom. So the next time you are getting ready to walk out of your door, look in all the cracks and crevices of your “home” and look in your lawn and see if see any slithering serpents. I’m sure you will…so get rid of em.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Loving Apart
I sometimes sit and wonder, what is this hold that love has on us??? Why is that for love we would do exactly the opposite of what we know is right and what our brain is telling us to do? When should we stop living for love and start living for ourselves? Love is supposed to be unconditional and definitely shouldn’t cause any heartache. I do believe that that kind of love exists, but why does it seem that we have to go through so much foolishness to get to that point?? The answer is simple….WE decide to go through it!! There is always the choice that can be made. We over and over forgive, hope, and promise that it will get better. How is this all supposed to happen when the words are exactly the opposite of the actions that occur?
Love has this hold because when we first experience that feeling we are in a happy place. We are all smiles, have convos on the phone all hours of the nite, laugh and think of the future, and are all lovey dovey. Then we get comfortable. We get used to the person and subconsciously feel we have them and they are ours and we can just become ourselves. Wrong as hell….you need to continue those things in order to keep it hot and start to be even more spontaneous so it doesn’t get redundant and you don’t get bored. Don’t assume that the person gets tired of hearing your voice before going to bed or when they first wake up. Stop assuming the person doesn’t want to go on dates and spend those little quality times with you. Stop assuming and stop getting complacent. Love has a weird way of showing us what we need to be doing when IT starts to get bored. In turn, we want to get back to this happy place and will do ANYTHING to get back to that place.
This is where I find so many people start making mistakes and do exactly the opposite of what we know is right or let’s just say right for us and the situation we are in. We start making excuses for the stupid and thoughtless decisions our partners make. We tell ourselves if I give them one more chance it’ll change, knowing damn well you can’t change a person stuck in their ways. I wanna tap into this part real quick. You CANNOT and I repeat, CANNOT change things about your spouse that you have let them get away with from the beginning. The reason I say this is because the first time you “forgive” someone for something they did to you there is that subconscious thought that they got away with it. From that point on, they will continue to push the boundaries. And over and over you keep forgiving and taking back and wondering why they keep fucking up and why you continue to be over the situation. But you ceased to give the solution. The solution should’ve been that they understood that if it ever happened again, you will be done. We don’t do that because of the hold love has on us.
Another thing that’s said by a lot of people of their continuing is “I Love them”. What the hell does you loving them have to do with YOUR happiness. Why do we stop loving ourselves to prove that we love someone else. What happened to having a 100/100 relationship?? You should be receiving the love you are giving, and if you feel at any point that you aren’t you should relay that information to the person you claims they love you in return. Stop living with the fear of losing them. Hell, I always say “I love you, but I have to love you from afar.” People don’t know how to love apart and still have the great relationship they had before just not in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that. When I was younger I had an issue of being friends with my exes. Now an ex is an ex for a reason, but there is no reason why we can’t still hang out and do things together, including sex if we want. You shouldn’t lose a friend just because the relationship didn’t work out…hell that’s why they were called a boyfriend they were supposed to be a friend first. So why does the friendship end after the relationship? Tell you why, you went from associates to lovers and you didn’t get to know how they were as a friend. That’s another post for later….so back to love.
Love is supposed to be fun. When it gets to a point that you are doing things out of the norm to show you love someone and they aren’t doing the same…GET OUT!! That causes stress and resentment and I know damn well I don’t wanna be stressed out over someone I love. Start listening to the feeling in your gut and stop listening to the words your partner is saying and not doing. I don’t have to say the cliché about action v. words, because we all know it. This issue is we don’t live by it.
Love is supposed to be about 2 people, but when compromising and trying to make it worse don’t lose yourself in the process. One day you’ll look in the mirror and not even recognize yourself and wonder why. I can no longer take care of grown people who are trying to figure out what they want out of love. I know what I want and at any point I feel that we are on a different page, you will receive the information. It won’t be over and over, but if you cant get it right, then we have to go. Life is too stressful as it is to be worried about receiving love from someone who is at the time unable to give what they receive.
I close this out by just asking you to ask yourself what is you want from love. Be honest with yourself and the person your with. Look at all sides of the relationship and decide whether you are both doing what it takes and if separation is what is needed then so be it. Loving apart is not as bad as it seems. Happiness is the most important thing in life.
Are you Happy?
Love has this hold because when we first experience that feeling we are in a happy place. We are all smiles, have convos on the phone all hours of the nite, laugh and think of the future, and are all lovey dovey. Then we get comfortable. We get used to the person and subconsciously feel we have them and they are ours and we can just become ourselves. Wrong as hell….you need to continue those things in order to keep it hot and start to be even more spontaneous so it doesn’t get redundant and you don’t get bored. Don’t assume that the person gets tired of hearing your voice before going to bed or when they first wake up. Stop assuming the person doesn’t want to go on dates and spend those little quality times with you. Stop assuming and stop getting complacent. Love has a weird way of showing us what we need to be doing when IT starts to get bored. In turn, we want to get back to this happy place and will do ANYTHING to get back to that place.
This is where I find so many people start making mistakes and do exactly the opposite of what we know is right or let’s just say right for us and the situation we are in. We start making excuses for the stupid and thoughtless decisions our partners make. We tell ourselves if I give them one more chance it’ll change, knowing damn well you can’t change a person stuck in their ways. I wanna tap into this part real quick. You CANNOT and I repeat, CANNOT change things about your spouse that you have let them get away with from the beginning. The reason I say this is because the first time you “forgive” someone for something they did to you there is that subconscious thought that they got away with it. From that point on, they will continue to push the boundaries. And over and over you keep forgiving and taking back and wondering why they keep fucking up and why you continue to be over the situation. But you ceased to give the solution. The solution should’ve been that they understood that if it ever happened again, you will be done. We don’t do that because of the hold love has on us.
Another thing that’s said by a lot of people of their continuing is “I Love them”. What the hell does you loving them have to do with YOUR happiness. Why do we stop loving ourselves to prove that we love someone else. What happened to having a 100/100 relationship?? You should be receiving the love you are giving, and if you feel at any point that you aren’t you should relay that information to the person you claims they love you in return. Stop living with the fear of losing them. Hell, I always say “I love you, but I have to love you from afar.” People don’t know how to love apart and still have the great relationship they had before just not in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that. When I was younger I had an issue of being friends with my exes. Now an ex is an ex for a reason, but there is no reason why we can’t still hang out and do things together, including sex if we want. You shouldn’t lose a friend just because the relationship didn’t work out…hell that’s why they were called a boyfriend they were supposed to be a friend first. So why does the friendship end after the relationship? Tell you why, you went from associates to lovers and you didn’t get to know how they were as a friend. That’s another post for later….so back to love.
Love is supposed to be fun. When it gets to a point that you are doing things out of the norm to show you love someone and they aren’t doing the same…GET OUT!! That causes stress and resentment and I know damn well I don’t wanna be stressed out over someone I love. Start listening to the feeling in your gut and stop listening to the words your partner is saying and not doing. I don’t have to say the cliché about action v. words, because we all know it. This issue is we don’t live by it.
Love is supposed to be about 2 people, but when compromising and trying to make it worse don’t lose yourself in the process. One day you’ll look in the mirror and not even recognize yourself and wonder why. I can no longer take care of grown people who are trying to figure out what they want out of love. I know what I want and at any point I feel that we are on a different page, you will receive the information. It won’t be over and over, but if you cant get it right, then we have to go. Life is too stressful as it is to be worried about receiving love from someone who is at the time unable to give what they receive.
I close this out by just asking you to ask yourself what is you want from love. Be honest with yourself and the person your with. Look at all sides of the relationship and decide whether you are both doing what it takes and if separation is what is needed then so be it. Loving apart is not as bad as it seems. Happiness is the most important thing in life.
Are you Happy?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
TRUTH: Uncut
I had a very interesting conversation with one of my best friends about an epidemic of faultiness and nastiness going on this DC area and abroad in the homosexual community. First off let me say I call this person a best friend because I can trust this person with my deepest secrets and we can talk about anything from good, bad and indifferent. We know each other inside and out and truly love each other to death. In this conversation we had, we came to realize that we don’t understand a lot of the decisions that the younger and sometimes older generations make when it comes to “friends”, “lovers”, “fuck buddies”, “boyfriends”, “dates” and etc. We just don’t understand how a lot and mainly majority of you say you are so real, and not fake nor faulty, yet a lot of you are having dealings, whether sexually or flirtatiously with people you have no business doing so with. WRONG!!!! You are wrong and 9 times out of 10 you know it and don’t care.
I will take the DC area for instance because I live here and hear so much of what goes on. Yes when I say I know everything…I really do because the information is brought to me. I get information about people that I barely even know but they are somehow connected to 90% of the residents of this city that I do know or know of. I find that quite interesting and only because that same person is probably walking around playing the role of an angel when they’re an angel in disguise.
These people are users not opportunists like in my last post. These people use the people around them for their advantage and don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. They use their “friends” to get whatever it is they want, and in this case it’s their boyfriends or love interest happens to be the target. What I don’t understand is, how can you call someone your friend and listen to all the information they tell you about their relationship and go behind their back and sleep with the person who should be off limits to you?? I know the answer….JEALOUSY!!! You are jealous of what they have and want to taste it for yourself. You get one little morsel of what that person has to offer and forget about all the morals or lack thereof that you have in that inconsiderate mind of yours. The only other thing I can fathom in my mind is that you are too insecure to go out and find your own, so you have to be conniving and go behind the backs of those who have spent time building a relationship and tear apart what they have because you want to walk in their shoes for the 5 minutes of pleasure you receive. Even worse, you return for more making the situation worse and continue to smile and ke-ke with your so-called “sister”.
Now you boyfriends aren’t any better. Why get into these relationships that you don’t want to be in only to cheat and break the heart of someone you so-called loved. I find that you young people use the word love too loosely to fill a void of something you haven’t gotten in your past. Most of you don’t love yourselves enough to understand what love is, and yet you throw the word around like it doesn’t hold any weight. You play the role but don’t live it and expect for others to just sit around and be dumb and naïve to all the bullshit you kick. Well not here, I don’t want it and I’m pretty sure the person you claim to be with doesn’t either. Just be honest and tell the person from the beginning what you want and expect, and if a relationship isn’t that, then just be honest and tell the other party. I just don’t understand the point of living a lie.
I also feel this is the exact reason why the HIV/AIDS percentage rate keeps skyrocketing. I understand that everyone makes mistakes and it is no one’s intention on contracting the illness, but once you have been tested and a positive result is the outcome, you’re mindset should change. This is what I feel is not happening. I think people feel like they have to become a new person that is heartless and gives up and just does whatever they want. Let me stop here and just say that this is my opinion and you don’t have to agree but I express how I feel. I know way too many people that are HIV positive that are out here doing things that they know damn well what they are doing is wrong and feel that they have clear justification for their actions. Now I know most of you feel that you are grown and can do whatever the hell you please, and that may be true, but there are people’s lives at stake and you come across the right one then your life will become at stake if you catch my drift. My point is just be careful and take care of yourselves. On the other hand stop being so damn nasty and sleeping with everyone. I don’t know anyone who wants to be with someone that every time they go to a ball, city, pride event, or just in conversation with their friends and your name is the first thing that pops up when sex is brought up. That’s just nasty and it doesn’t help your reputation or character. Get to know yourself and you won’t have to become the shadow of someone else. No one is original anymore, and everyone wants to look and say and be someone else because of what one person has. WACK!!! Why the hell would you want what someone else has when you can have what they have and more by just being yourself? Think about that…..
There are so many of you that just don’t have any self respect for yourselves and me personally don’t wanna be bothered with people of your character. The old cliché says “birds of a feather, flock together” and I am the type of bird that there is only one of that kind of species and I don’t want to be caught up in the swarm of you vultures that just take and have nothing to offer. My feathers are too bright and I will not accept you or your dusty claws into my nest.
I will take the DC area for instance because I live here and hear so much of what goes on. Yes when I say I know everything…I really do because the information is brought to me. I get information about people that I barely even know but they are somehow connected to 90% of the residents of this city that I do know or know of. I find that quite interesting and only because that same person is probably walking around playing the role of an angel when they’re an angel in disguise.
These people are users not opportunists like in my last post. These people use the people around them for their advantage and don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. They use their “friends” to get whatever it is they want, and in this case it’s their boyfriends or love interest happens to be the target. What I don’t understand is, how can you call someone your friend and listen to all the information they tell you about their relationship and go behind their back and sleep with the person who should be off limits to you?? I know the answer….JEALOUSY!!! You are jealous of what they have and want to taste it for yourself. You get one little morsel of what that person has to offer and forget about all the morals or lack thereof that you have in that inconsiderate mind of yours. The only other thing I can fathom in my mind is that you are too insecure to go out and find your own, so you have to be conniving and go behind the backs of those who have spent time building a relationship and tear apart what they have because you want to walk in their shoes for the 5 minutes of pleasure you receive. Even worse, you return for more making the situation worse and continue to smile and ke-ke with your so-called “sister”.
Now you boyfriends aren’t any better. Why get into these relationships that you don’t want to be in only to cheat and break the heart of someone you so-called loved. I find that you young people use the word love too loosely to fill a void of something you haven’t gotten in your past. Most of you don’t love yourselves enough to understand what love is, and yet you throw the word around like it doesn’t hold any weight. You play the role but don’t live it and expect for others to just sit around and be dumb and naïve to all the bullshit you kick. Well not here, I don’t want it and I’m pretty sure the person you claim to be with doesn’t either. Just be honest and tell the person from the beginning what you want and expect, and if a relationship isn’t that, then just be honest and tell the other party. I just don’t understand the point of living a lie.
I also feel this is the exact reason why the HIV/AIDS percentage rate keeps skyrocketing. I understand that everyone makes mistakes and it is no one’s intention on contracting the illness, but once you have been tested and a positive result is the outcome, you’re mindset should change. This is what I feel is not happening. I think people feel like they have to become a new person that is heartless and gives up and just does whatever they want. Let me stop here and just say that this is my opinion and you don’t have to agree but I express how I feel. I know way too many people that are HIV positive that are out here doing things that they know damn well what they are doing is wrong and feel that they have clear justification for their actions. Now I know most of you feel that you are grown and can do whatever the hell you please, and that may be true, but there are people’s lives at stake and you come across the right one then your life will become at stake if you catch my drift. My point is just be careful and take care of yourselves. On the other hand stop being so damn nasty and sleeping with everyone. I don’t know anyone who wants to be with someone that every time they go to a ball, city, pride event, or just in conversation with their friends and your name is the first thing that pops up when sex is brought up. That’s just nasty and it doesn’t help your reputation or character. Get to know yourself and you won’t have to become the shadow of someone else. No one is original anymore, and everyone wants to look and say and be someone else because of what one person has. WACK!!! Why the hell would you want what someone else has when you can have what they have and more by just being yourself? Think about that…..
There are so many of you that just don’t have any self respect for yourselves and me personally don’t wanna be bothered with people of your character. The old cliché says “birds of a feather, flock together” and I am the type of bird that there is only one of that kind of species and I don’t want to be caught up in the swarm of you vultures that just take and have nothing to offer. My feathers are too bright and I will not accept you or your dusty claws into my nest.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
When Opportunity Knocks
One would think an opportunist to be someone who uses people for their own personal gain and hurting people along the way. Now there are those that do exist, but I believe that being an "opportunist" you just realize an opportunity has knocked on your door and you took advantage. Now we I can take this into many different ways but this would be a 20 page post...I'll speak on those later when its in my spirit. I wanna talk about my favorite thing to talk about (do to the lack in my life) LOVE!!!!
Love presents a plethora of opportunities for us as humans to grasp that we find hard to for so many different reasons. Whether it be fear, judgement, sacrifice, or just plain hate....we decide to let these opportunities knock and we not open the door. This is where resentment sets in because we see others whom have opened their doors and we get jealous and they become "opportunists". WRONG!!!! They are the smart ones. They let go and let God and they took advantage of the an chance of a lifetime. To be with someone who takes them for them and vice versa. Don't condemn them for having what we've wanted all along but won't open an unlocked door.
I applaud the opportunists because they have opened their eyes to what I've been shading my own eyes from. So subconsciously dependent on what society has embedded in my mind that I don't go after the opportunities that present themselves for what opportunities I hope will come. We all do it though, "he's not really my type", "he lives in another city", "my friends think he's a hoe"...excuse we use to not open the door and allow the experience called life just happen. We all wanna control every single moment of what happens in an attempt to make sure we make memories we'll never forget. But what we forget is that we have the most memorable moments when things don't go as we planned. What makes you think your love life is any different??
Its time for us all to grow up and let things happen as they may and just say I learned this from that. Instead we wanna plan everything and only have some many regrets because what we thought we wanted was just the total opposite. Start letting opportunity knock on your door and allowing an open mind of what will happen when that door opens. Now I do not believe that all doors should be opened. Make sure you evaluate the knob and outdoor surroundings so you don't get robbed. Be cautious of the other opportunists I spoke of in the beginning. Just allow yourself to let go and take every love experience has a lesson til you pass the test and love reveals itself. Love does not live in fear so we shouldn't live in fear of love. Did you hear the door???
Love presents a plethora of opportunities for us as humans to grasp that we find hard to for so many different reasons. Whether it be fear, judgement, sacrifice, or just plain hate....we decide to let these opportunities knock and we not open the door. This is where resentment sets in because we see others whom have opened their doors and we get jealous and they become "opportunists". WRONG!!!! They are the smart ones. They let go and let God and they took advantage of the an chance of a lifetime. To be with someone who takes them for them and vice versa. Don't condemn them for having what we've wanted all along but won't open an unlocked door.
I applaud the opportunists because they have opened their eyes to what I've been shading my own eyes from. So subconsciously dependent on what society has embedded in my mind that I don't go after the opportunities that present themselves for what opportunities I hope will come. We all do it though, "he's not really my type", "he lives in another city", "my friends think he's a hoe"...excuse we use to not open the door and allow the experience called life just happen. We all wanna control every single moment of what happens in an attempt to make sure we make memories we'll never forget. But what we forget is that we have the most memorable moments when things don't go as we planned. What makes you think your love life is any different??
Its time for us all to grow up and let things happen as they may and just say I learned this from that. Instead we wanna plan everything and only have some many regrets because what we thought we wanted was just the total opposite. Start letting opportunity knock on your door and allowing an open mind of what will happen when that door opens. Now I do not believe that all doors should be opened. Make sure you evaluate the knob and outdoor surroundings so you don't get robbed. Be cautious of the other opportunists I spoke of in the beginning. Just allow yourself to let go and take every love experience has a lesson til you pass the test and love reveals itself. Love does not live in fear so we shouldn't live in fear of love. Did you hear the door???
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Doors of Life and Love
Have you ever noticed that when you are finally over something that wasnt good for you, that something that makes you extremely happy just so happens to appear?? I realized that the old cliche "when one door closes another opens" is true and I think I'm experiencing it.
I was holding on to something that had already let my hand go. Alot of my posts coincide with each other, and I was living in a world of denial, hoping that what I wanted to happen would even in the back of subconscious mind knew that it wouldnt. We as humans do this alot when we "love" or are "in love" with a person, object, or cause. We think that we can't love if we arent with or still attached to something. FALSE!!! Sometimes you find that your love will grow when you are apart from whatever it is because you come to appreciate it more. I always say that loving something from afar doesnt mean you dont love it, you just dont love it right in your face. Hence, I think that's where the saying "no love lost" came from.
But anyway, I closed the door to denial and the door of what I wanted opened. I was so busy allowing what I didnt want to come into my life that what I wanted had to wait outside until i realized that my atmosphere was getting suffocating. Here it was, what I've could potentially be looking for all along is right here, and because I was holding to the handle of this door to keep it open when in reality the door was trying to slam shut. Well no more holding onto doors that dont wanna stay open. Think about it this way, say you have a guest in your home that is ready to leave. Why on Earth are you gonna keep that person hostage?? They're eating up your food, sucking up your air, and using up all your hot water; while in the meantime the guest that will help you bring food in the house, take the pet out for a walk, and cook you a meal when you get home from work is standing on the other side of the door. Let the foolishness, go and let a stress-free life in.
It has taken me quite a while to realize that I have to stop looking for what I want and let it present itself to me; but that theory has a double edged sword. You have to be careful in what exactly is presenting itself. I thought the last door I was entering was a new space only to find out that it was a space filled with dirt under rugs and the same ole rooms and previous spaces I've visited. I got so caught in the decor that I didnt see that it was just a different room in the same haunted house I've been haunted by. I now walk around and look under cushions, rugs, table mats, and behind curtains. No more walking into a house and only looking at the appearance of the decor.
I have closed the door to loneliness, to have a door of the possibility of companionship to open. I have closed the door of wondering, to have a door of clear sight to open. I have closed the door of endless hoping, to have a door of endless possibilities to open. There will be no more wishing and hoping for something that I know deep down will not be. It only needs to living a life of closed doors that should be open and you having free range of entering and exiting whenever you please. This is my house and I want all my doors that should be open to be open and I have free range of which rooms I want to go in.
Have you closed a door today to have another one open???
I was holding on to something that had already let my hand go. Alot of my posts coincide with each other, and I was living in a world of denial, hoping that what I wanted to happen would even in the back of subconscious mind knew that it wouldnt. We as humans do this alot when we "love" or are "in love" with a person, object, or cause. We think that we can't love if we arent with or still attached to something. FALSE!!! Sometimes you find that your love will grow when you are apart from whatever it is because you come to appreciate it more. I always say that loving something from afar doesnt mean you dont love it, you just dont love it right in your face. Hence, I think that's where the saying "no love lost" came from.
But anyway, I closed the door to denial and the door of what I wanted opened. I was so busy allowing what I didnt want to come into my life that what I wanted had to wait outside until i realized that my atmosphere was getting suffocating. Here it was, what I've could potentially be looking for all along is right here, and because I was holding to the handle of this door to keep it open when in reality the door was trying to slam shut. Well no more holding onto doors that dont wanna stay open. Think about it this way, say you have a guest in your home that is ready to leave. Why on Earth are you gonna keep that person hostage?? They're eating up your food, sucking up your air, and using up all your hot water; while in the meantime the guest that will help you bring food in the house, take the pet out for a walk, and cook you a meal when you get home from work is standing on the other side of the door. Let the foolishness, go and let a stress-free life in.
It has taken me quite a while to realize that I have to stop looking for what I want and let it present itself to me; but that theory has a double edged sword. You have to be careful in what exactly is presenting itself. I thought the last door I was entering was a new space only to find out that it was a space filled with dirt under rugs and the same ole rooms and previous spaces I've visited. I got so caught in the decor that I didnt see that it was just a different room in the same haunted house I've been haunted by. I now walk around and look under cushions, rugs, table mats, and behind curtains. No more walking into a house and only looking at the appearance of the decor.
I have closed the door to loneliness, to have a door of the possibility of companionship to open. I have closed the door of wondering, to have a door of clear sight to open. I have closed the door of endless hoping, to have a door of endless possibilities to open. There will be no more wishing and hoping for something that I know deep down will not be. It only needs to living a life of closed doors that should be open and you having free range of entering and exiting whenever you please. This is my house and I want all my doors that should be open to be open and I have free range of which rooms I want to go in.
Have you closed a door today to have another one open???
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
It Has Been Brought to My Attention
It has been brought to my attention that I have taken my eyes off the prize. I became so focused on things that aren't reality, that I started to live in a world of fiction and denial. I had a conversation with my mom and some of my close friends about life, love, sex, money and just about everything under the sun. And in the midst of the conversation why mind was wandering to so many different aspects of my life. We all know that this blog is about relationships and everything in between; but in typing all these posts I have not taken my own words and put them into action. Sometimes it may seem that I am against love, or I don't want you to be with the person you're with because of countless mistakes they've made. That is far from what I want to accomplish. I want you, my readers, to read my posts and realize that there is so much more to love than what's on the outside or what a person is scared to reveal from past experiences. And if you love someone enough all the small things don't matter and there is a bigger picture. But definitely never lose yourself in the fight. And that's where a lot of us (including myself) suffer.
The world of denial and fiction I spoke of earlier is a world where I am told myself over and over again that "it'll be alright" "they'll come around" or "maybe if you try this, that will work to get what you want". How many times or how many things do we have to try before we realize that we're fighting a one man battle. This one man battle is against yourself as well. Here you are trying everything against your better judgement because you want something that may not be to be. I told a friend jokingly that he doesn't go with the flow. He asked what did that mean, and I told him he's always fighting against the wind. POW!! It smacked me that in that exact moment, I was too! There's was something that I experienced earlier in the weekend that really surprised and hurt me at the same time. But ultimately, it had happened before so I should not have been shocked when it happened. As much as I told myself they were joking, the reality is that I started to go to the world of denial fighting the wind and telling myself they don't mean that. When actually I shouldve just said "ok stefan, move on". Well its a new day, and its time to turn to the wind and say wind take me where you want.
Some of us fight the wind because we live life in a state of fear of the unknown. We don't know where the wind will take us so therefore we fight it only to end up exactly where the wind was taking us all along. Only missing out on experiences because our back was turned to what we were supposed to see and experience. I have turned around and am taking the wind for a ride. I will see things for what they are and let each experience teach me a new lesson about life and love.
In the journey in trying to find love, I got lost in the journey to find myself and what it is I want. Its funny to me that when 2 people start to interact with each other with a special interest, and one starts to give the other things and emotions that they haven't experienced before, that when the other person expresses themselves the other person can receive that information in so many different ways. It has been brought to my attention that sometimes its better to hold information in because that information can be a determining factor in how things play out. Just go with the flow and allow things to prosper as they may. And when they don't necessarily go as you may have wished just take it as a lesson learned and move forward. The old cliche saying let it go and if it returns it was meant to be yours is very true..
Life is about experiencing new frontiers and learning about other people but mainly learning about yourself. Never lose yourself in the search for anything other than what you know deep down in heart is what YOU really want. Not money, not love, not even lust. In the end, you can't take any of that with when your time has come and the wind as stopped blowing.
The world of denial and fiction I spoke of earlier is a world where I am told myself over and over again that "it'll be alright" "they'll come around" or "maybe if you try this, that will work to get what you want". How many times or how many things do we have to try before we realize that we're fighting a one man battle. This one man battle is against yourself as well. Here you are trying everything against your better judgement because you want something that may not be to be. I told a friend jokingly that he doesn't go with the flow. He asked what did that mean, and I told him he's always fighting against the wind. POW!! It smacked me that in that exact moment, I was too! There's was something that I experienced earlier in the weekend that really surprised and hurt me at the same time. But ultimately, it had happened before so I should not have been shocked when it happened. As much as I told myself they were joking, the reality is that I started to go to the world of denial fighting the wind and telling myself they don't mean that. When actually I shouldve just said "ok stefan, move on". Well its a new day, and its time to turn to the wind and say wind take me where you want.
Some of us fight the wind because we live life in a state of fear of the unknown. We don't know where the wind will take us so therefore we fight it only to end up exactly where the wind was taking us all along. Only missing out on experiences because our back was turned to what we were supposed to see and experience. I have turned around and am taking the wind for a ride. I will see things for what they are and let each experience teach me a new lesson about life and love.
In the journey in trying to find love, I got lost in the journey to find myself and what it is I want. Its funny to me that when 2 people start to interact with each other with a special interest, and one starts to give the other things and emotions that they haven't experienced before, that when the other person expresses themselves the other person can receive that information in so many different ways. It has been brought to my attention that sometimes its better to hold information in because that information can be a determining factor in how things play out. Just go with the flow and allow things to prosper as they may. And when they don't necessarily go as you may have wished just take it as a lesson learned and move forward. The old cliche saying let it go and if it returns it was meant to be yours is very true..
Life is about experiencing new frontiers and learning about other people but mainly learning about yourself. Never lose yourself in the search for anything other than what you know deep down in heart is what YOU really want. Not money, not love, not even lust. In the end, you can't take any of that with when your time has come and the wind as stopped blowing.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
What’s the F*#@!% Point???!!!
This question had come to me this morning after a conversation I had with a friend about something they saw a significant other post as a status on their Facebook profile. The question went something like “in life, should one choose wealth or love?” This question hit my spirit so much that I jumped out of my bed to say these exact words “make the choice for him…let him have money and you remove your love!!” I feel so adamant about that! There should never be the question of love or money, and if you have to question that then you have lost all aspects of what it is to be in a relationship and therefore, don’t need to be in one. Whats the f*$@!# point??
When you die, the money that you have or don’t have (because it belongs to the person you’re using) cannot be buried and used in heaven or hell (whichever He finds fit for you). Money has no value honestly, and will never amount to enough to buy the type of love that runs through your veins and make you happy and wanna go home and just lay around with someone who when you’re sick gives you soup, or when you’re down and out kisses you on the forehead and says “baby it’ll be ok”. That’s the type of love I crave and desire and WILL have one day. And if you think at any point I will sacrifice what I want for what you are afraid to give then,
What’s the f*#@!% point of even being in my space??
Love takes time and patience. Something else I’ve heard that always rocks my spirit is for someone to say that a partner can be too needy. What the hell is wrong with you?? Do you know how many people are out here (including myself) looking for someone that wants to spend almost every waken moment with their partner and here you have it, and basically wanna give it up because you have no other valid reason of not knowing what you want to do with yourself.
What’s the f*$@!%# point??
But I guess you’ve come so accustomed to the ridiculousness of letting men/women do what they wanna do to you and because he’s so cute or he bangs your back out when you want him to then he goes on about his business, that as soon as you get what you deserve or ultimately wanted all along you don’t know what to do with yourself and start making ultimately stupid decisions. Thus realizing that you made a stupid mistake and cant get it back because someone like me has come along and snatched that good catch. Too bad, so sad for you!
Now don’t get me wrong, there are some of you that are on the good side who cant seem to get rid of a dog. He isn’t working, isn’t looking for a job and sucking up your air, and eating up all your damn food.
What’s the f*$@!#^ point??
Now you’re stressed, tired and taking care of some other’s women child. Buying shit you don’t normally buy for yourself, and all because of what?? The sex?? The money?? Cuz he got a cute smile?? Chile bye, you can smile at yourself, make yourself cum, and surely make your own money and buy yourself all the gifts in the world. I’ve heard, I don’t feel like all the drama it’s gone take for me to put him out. Ohhhh, so you wanna sit around and be miserable cuz you don’t want him (who doesn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of) to put a hole in the wall or bust out a window? Well then you deserve everything he’s doing to you, because of the mere fact that you are ALLOWING him to do so.
I always say KARMA is a good friend of mine and she always comes on time. I can call her at any point and say “Karma, go get him/her” and she replies “baby I got you just as soon as the time is right”. See Karma is the type of good friend that she’ll even get me if I get too grand. That’s the type of friend I need, and she’s always there, so….
What’s the f*#@!$& point??
What’s the point in stressing over something I don’t have any control over?? It isnt’ gonna change, because you can’t change it once it has already happened.
I had a short but very interesting conversation with someone I am very interested in recently about time vs. patience. And I asked the question “is it that we don’t have enough time or are people just too impatient?” It then dawned on me how connected we were because his response was exactly what I felt. People become impatient because they don’t have enough time to accomplish everything they want in a day’s period. Thus, becoming stressed trying to control the uncontrollables of life, instead of changing themselves to control what can be controlled.
What’s the F*#@!$& point??
Stop expecting things to come to you, and be the way you want it to. Change what can be changed in you whether it’s fear, doubt, or just plain ole uncertainty and control what the situation could be so that things that are in your reach can be altered to the way you want it to go. Stop complaining!!
What’s the f*#@!$& point??
Now I definitely have to take heed to my own advice when it comes to that because there is something that is so much in my reach that I haven’t even started to extend my hand out to grasp for it. Therefore, I don’t complain because it is my fault, and something that I promise to change so that I can have what I want. You don’t go to work just because you have to (80% of the time you do) but the other 20% is so that you can do some of the things you want to do. So why not take that 20% and use it to the advantage of being happy and blissful when you aren’t doing the other 80.
But the people on the other end of the spectrum, stop using that to your advantage and a power move to complain about how a person doesn’t care. You know they care but it may be out of their reach right now of some of the things that want and crave to do and show you how much they really care. Using silence and mind games isn’t the correct way to go about the situation.
What’s the f*@!#$& point??
All that causes is resentment and tension that’s unnecessary and pointless. Communication is the road to all roads traveled in peace. If two people can’t talk to each other and find out all information that they need or want to know then there’s something wrong with the picture. A lot of times people in these relationships don’t even know the person they are dealing with, therefore causing them to second guess who they are, then stupid mistakes and decision like I’ve discussed earlier start to happen.
Stop getting into these fly by night relationships if you aren’t gonna take the appropriate sacrifices, and do the hard work to keep it fresh and exciting. Also, these “breaks” that you all are taking are for teenagers. Breaks are only 50% breakups!! If you wanna take a break from me, then go on bout your business. Because in that break I will NOT change who I am for you to decide what you wanna do. I will remain who I am, and when you return you will still have the same issues you had before. I am 100% me, and can only be me and you have to decide if you want all or nothing. Because in the end if you don’t…..
What’s the F*@!#$& point??
When you die, the money that you have or don’t have (because it belongs to the person you’re using) cannot be buried and used in heaven or hell (whichever He finds fit for you). Money has no value honestly, and will never amount to enough to buy the type of love that runs through your veins and make you happy and wanna go home and just lay around with someone who when you’re sick gives you soup, or when you’re down and out kisses you on the forehead and says “baby it’ll be ok”. That’s the type of love I crave and desire and WILL have one day. And if you think at any point I will sacrifice what I want for what you are afraid to give then,
What’s the f*#@!% point of even being in my space??
Love takes time and patience. Something else I’ve heard that always rocks my spirit is for someone to say that a partner can be too needy. What the hell is wrong with you?? Do you know how many people are out here (including myself) looking for someone that wants to spend almost every waken moment with their partner and here you have it, and basically wanna give it up because you have no other valid reason of not knowing what you want to do with yourself.
What’s the f*$@!%# point??
But I guess you’ve come so accustomed to the ridiculousness of letting men/women do what they wanna do to you and because he’s so cute or he bangs your back out when you want him to then he goes on about his business, that as soon as you get what you deserve or ultimately wanted all along you don’t know what to do with yourself and start making ultimately stupid decisions. Thus realizing that you made a stupid mistake and cant get it back because someone like me has come along and snatched that good catch. Too bad, so sad for you!
Now don’t get me wrong, there are some of you that are on the good side who cant seem to get rid of a dog. He isn’t working, isn’t looking for a job and sucking up your air, and eating up all your damn food.
What’s the f*$@!#^ point??
Now you’re stressed, tired and taking care of some other’s women child. Buying shit you don’t normally buy for yourself, and all because of what?? The sex?? The money?? Cuz he got a cute smile?? Chile bye, you can smile at yourself, make yourself cum, and surely make your own money and buy yourself all the gifts in the world. I’ve heard, I don’t feel like all the drama it’s gone take for me to put him out. Ohhhh, so you wanna sit around and be miserable cuz you don’t want him (who doesn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of) to put a hole in the wall or bust out a window? Well then you deserve everything he’s doing to you, because of the mere fact that you are ALLOWING him to do so.
I always say KARMA is a good friend of mine and she always comes on time. I can call her at any point and say “Karma, go get him/her” and she replies “baby I got you just as soon as the time is right”. See Karma is the type of good friend that she’ll even get me if I get too grand. That’s the type of friend I need, and she’s always there, so….
What’s the f*#@!$& point??
What’s the point in stressing over something I don’t have any control over?? It isnt’ gonna change, because you can’t change it once it has already happened.
I had a short but very interesting conversation with someone I am very interested in recently about time vs. patience. And I asked the question “is it that we don’t have enough time or are people just too impatient?” It then dawned on me how connected we were because his response was exactly what I felt. People become impatient because they don’t have enough time to accomplish everything they want in a day’s period. Thus, becoming stressed trying to control the uncontrollables of life, instead of changing themselves to control what can be controlled.
What’s the F*#@!$& point??
Stop expecting things to come to you, and be the way you want it to. Change what can be changed in you whether it’s fear, doubt, or just plain ole uncertainty and control what the situation could be so that things that are in your reach can be altered to the way you want it to go. Stop complaining!!
What’s the f*#@!$& point??
Now I definitely have to take heed to my own advice when it comes to that because there is something that is so much in my reach that I haven’t even started to extend my hand out to grasp for it. Therefore, I don’t complain because it is my fault, and something that I promise to change so that I can have what I want. You don’t go to work just because you have to (80% of the time you do) but the other 20% is so that you can do some of the things you want to do. So why not take that 20% and use it to the advantage of being happy and blissful when you aren’t doing the other 80.
But the people on the other end of the spectrum, stop using that to your advantage and a power move to complain about how a person doesn’t care. You know they care but it may be out of their reach right now of some of the things that want and crave to do and show you how much they really care. Using silence and mind games isn’t the correct way to go about the situation.
What’s the f*@!#$& point??
All that causes is resentment and tension that’s unnecessary and pointless. Communication is the road to all roads traveled in peace. If two people can’t talk to each other and find out all information that they need or want to know then there’s something wrong with the picture. A lot of times people in these relationships don’t even know the person they are dealing with, therefore causing them to second guess who they are, then stupid mistakes and decision like I’ve discussed earlier start to happen.
Stop getting into these fly by night relationships if you aren’t gonna take the appropriate sacrifices, and do the hard work to keep it fresh and exciting. Also, these “breaks” that you all are taking are for teenagers. Breaks are only 50% breakups!! If you wanna take a break from me, then go on bout your business. Because in that break I will NOT change who I am for you to decide what you wanna do. I will remain who I am, and when you return you will still have the same issues you had before. I am 100% me, and can only be me and you have to decide if you want all or nothing. Because in the end if you don’t…..
What’s the F*@!#$& point??
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Worlds Crossed
we met in world of screennames and profile pics...
but never in a world where the touch could be real...
or so i thought...
would you be the one to make me know what it is to feel??
you never knew i would check your status or follow where you were..
I got a kick out of being your secret love interest..
but come to find out you were mine too...
and damn i thought i was the best...
you surprised me by having exactly what i had
a crush
but wait
why didnt you say something earlier..
you could have had me hours, days, months ago
but hey everyone has their own time..
momma always said patience was a virtue...
you were great
and i thought to myself hey maybe your dreams can come true...
time was spent...
and so were feelings...
feelings that i hadnt felt in a long time..
feelings i thought i could never feel..
you bought them out
then something changed...
these feelings put me in a world that was so different from yours
a world where everything moved so fast and you forget reality..
now love or what i thought had engulfed my space helmet...
the love i thought was actuality...
was only a curse for something else...
worlds crossed and we got lost in orbit...
i couldnt breathe cuz you werent in my atmosphere...
your oxygen mixed with my carbon monoxide gave me what i needed to live..
now you were taking it away and I was suffocating like the song.
i needed and craved your touch your kiss just your presence..
but i couldnt reach your orbit because my gravity was pulling me away
you found a way to rocket yourself but into my world...
but everytime you do its like a meteor landing...
sending my nerves into shock and i have to start all over...
why dont you just stay instead of all these independence days..
yeah like Will..
i will fight til there's peace on earth...
but you have to stay...
when our worlds cross there's harmony in the galaxy
but for some reason you like to land on my planet
then take off to another..
im starting to believe that your alienatic behavior is a front..
a front for something better for us to come..
one day you'll land and never leave...
the worlds will cross and i will have a foreign love...
not foreign like another country..but foreign..
the exact meaning..
something unknown or different from the normal..
but im not normal...
so this i love...you i love...
so let the worlds cross and we cause a cosmic burst...
but never in a world where the touch could be real...
or so i thought...
would you be the one to make me know what it is to feel??
you never knew i would check your status or follow where you were..
I got a kick out of being your secret love interest..
but come to find out you were mine too...
and damn i thought i was the best...
you surprised me by having exactly what i had
a crush
but wait
why didnt you say something earlier..
you could have had me hours, days, months ago
but hey everyone has their own time..
momma always said patience was a virtue...
you were great
and i thought to myself hey maybe your dreams can come true...
time was spent...
and so were feelings...
feelings that i hadnt felt in a long time..
feelings i thought i could never feel..
you bought them out
then something changed...
these feelings put me in a world that was so different from yours
a world where everything moved so fast and you forget reality..
now love or what i thought had engulfed my space helmet...
the love i thought was actuality...
was only a curse for something else...
worlds crossed and we got lost in orbit...
i couldnt breathe cuz you werent in my atmosphere...
your oxygen mixed with my carbon monoxide gave me what i needed to live..
now you were taking it away and I was suffocating like the song.
i needed and craved your touch your kiss just your presence..
but i couldnt reach your orbit because my gravity was pulling me away
you found a way to rocket yourself but into my world...
but everytime you do its like a meteor landing...
sending my nerves into shock and i have to start all over...
why dont you just stay instead of all these independence days..
yeah like Will..
i will fight til there's peace on earth...
but you have to stay...
when our worlds cross there's harmony in the galaxy
but for some reason you like to land on my planet
then take off to another..
im starting to believe that your alienatic behavior is a front..
a front for something better for us to come..
one day you'll land and never leave...
the worlds will cross and i will have a foreign love...
not foreign like another country..but foreign..
the exact meaning..
something unknown or different from the normal..
but im not normal...
so this i love...you i love...
so let the worlds cross and we cause a cosmic burst...
Monday, July 26, 2010
Just Be!
There comes a time in life when one looks back and sees that they have been trying to hard to be something they aren't. Because my blogs speak to relatonship issues I wanna elaborate on this, being what you aren't to be in a relationship.
There are stages in a relationship that the parties go thru to establish what is to be now their relationship. The initial stage is what I've been told is called the "infatuation stage" or the "nothing can be wrong phase", in which, everything the other does is cute or that's who they are and you're so intrigued its okay because you're just getting to know them. No matter if its a pet peeve of yours or not. Step 1 in not "being" yourself. Next stage is a more serious stage because you're ready to go a lil deeper so you start spending more time together and the questions and conversations get more serious. This is where you start seeing more things that strike chords in your heart (good and bad). And you become more comfortable and start revealing more about your true self. And this is where "being" yourself is most important but most detrimental as well......yet we actually stop being ourselves.
Take for instance, something you do the other party doesn't actually take heed or like, you change or stop doing that thing because you really wanna be with that person or in their company....NOT being yourself. You start talking a certain way, dressing a certain, doing things differently! Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with adapting to certain things that you aren't accustomed to, but there is no need to change the person you are to sacrifice losing a relationship that hasn't even jumped off the ground yet. Have you looked at all the things the other party has done that may have rubbed you the wrong way?? Have they changed any of them, or is the fact that you played it to be smaller than it really is, and you've sort of not paid it any attention. We become so accustomed to trying to please the other for the sake of atrying to win them over we ultimately lose ourselves. I always say all you can do is give people information and let them decipher what they wanna do with that information.
This is where my "just be" philosophy kicks in. Just be yourself!! You can't be anyone else because if you could then you would. You have become who are you are by genetics, things you've learned, and experiences and decisions you've made. Why change them to fit into a box of ideas another person has for a relationship. Someone who reallys finds all the quirks and nuances about you fascinating is one that will overlook all the things that don't really matter to a relationships. You have to realize that there comes a time that who you are is what attracted the two of you so why do a complete change and become someone else?? Just be you and allow them to be themselves. The time as come for people to start being real 100% all the time even for those they strongly like, love, are infatuated with, etc. They are supposed to accept you flaws and all and vice versa. If not, then maybe you should start looking elsewhere.
You'll find in being who you are people are more accepting and mis or pre-judgements vanish and you're life becomes a lot easier because you are pleasing yourself. So when life starts to get confusing or out of wack...... Just be!
There are stages in a relationship that the parties go thru to establish what is to be now their relationship. The initial stage is what I've been told is called the "infatuation stage" or the "nothing can be wrong phase", in which, everything the other does is cute or that's who they are and you're so intrigued its okay because you're just getting to know them. No matter if its a pet peeve of yours or not. Step 1 in not "being" yourself. Next stage is a more serious stage because you're ready to go a lil deeper so you start spending more time together and the questions and conversations get more serious. This is where you start seeing more things that strike chords in your heart (good and bad). And you become more comfortable and start revealing more about your true self. And this is where "being" yourself is most important but most detrimental as well......yet we actually stop being ourselves.
Take for instance, something you do the other party doesn't actually take heed or like, you change or stop doing that thing because you really wanna be with that person or in their company....NOT being yourself. You start talking a certain way, dressing a certain, doing things differently! Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with adapting to certain things that you aren't accustomed to, but there is no need to change the person you are to sacrifice losing a relationship that hasn't even jumped off the ground yet. Have you looked at all the things the other party has done that may have rubbed you the wrong way?? Have they changed any of them, or is the fact that you played it to be smaller than it really is, and you've sort of not paid it any attention. We become so accustomed to trying to please the other for the sake of atrying to win them over we ultimately lose ourselves. I always say all you can do is give people information and let them decipher what they wanna do with that information.
This is where my "just be" philosophy kicks in. Just be yourself!! You can't be anyone else because if you could then you would. You have become who are you are by genetics, things you've learned, and experiences and decisions you've made. Why change them to fit into a box of ideas another person has for a relationship. Someone who reallys finds all the quirks and nuances about you fascinating is one that will overlook all the things that don't really matter to a relationships. You have to realize that there comes a time that who you are is what attracted the two of you so why do a complete change and become someone else?? Just be you and allow them to be themselves. The time as come for people to start being real 100% all the time even for those they strongly like, love, are infatuated with, etc. They are supposed to accept you flaws and all and vice versa. If not, then maybe you should start looking elsewhere.
You'll find in being who you are people are more accepting and mis or pre-judgements vanish and you're life becomes a lot easier because you are pleasing yourself. So when life starts to get confusing or out of wack...... Just be!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Holding onto Hope (The Search for what We Need)
"He gave you want you needed" he said, "yeah and then took it away" I said. Most of the time that's what we're in the search for....the love of our life to give us what we NEEDED. But what exactly do we need? Its not like we really need love to survive, so what is it? What is it that's lacking? That's an unsolved mystery but HOPE is what keeps us in the search.
Hope just like love and relationships is a double edged sword. It can bring the optimistic mindset that everything will be okay. Life is great when everything we "hope" for we get or get close to getting. Hope gives us the sense of everything that we wish for will one day come true. "The Secret" a book I have read several times pretty much teaches that thru visual and emotional belief all things can be. Is it me or is that hope?
Now what happens when we don't get what we want? We enter a state of continuously hoping that the love we want comes to fruition. So back to my first statement, getting what we need and then losing it. I at no point believe that people give someone want they need and purposely take it away. But that belief has been tested, and have learned a new outlook on it. There are people who have not a care in the world and pretty much do as they please when it comes to the matter of the heart. They are so guarded against feeling a certain way (vulnerable) that they close off all emotions except happiness and anger. All other emotions are pointless. They are holding to hope just as much as the person they so subconsciously have managed to bring into their world.
So what is there to hold onto?? If someone pretty much as shown that they have moved on, why is it so hard to let go? Is hope that mind erasing that you lose yourself in wishing that they would come around? Is hope something that happens when you get a glimpse of what you've been searching for all along and just couldn't grasp forever? It scares me to have had something so great, and may have lost what could have been. Yet, I hold on to the hope of the day it is. Let's just hope that at that point its what I want.
Hope just like love and relationships is a double edged sword. It can bring the optimistic mindset that everything will be okay. Life is great when everything we "hope" for we get or get close to getting. Hope gives us the sense of everything that we wish for will one day come true. "The Secret" a book I have read several times pretty much teaches that thru visual and emotional belief all things can be. Is it me or is that hope?
Now what happens when we don't get what we want? We enter a state of continuously hoping that the love we want comes to fruition. So back to my first statement, getting what we need and then losing it. I at no point believe that people give someone want they need and purposely take it away. But that belief has been tested, and have learned a new outlook on it. There are people who have not a care in the world and pretty much do as they please when it comes to the matter of the heart. They are so guarded against feeling a certain way (vulnerable) that they close off all emotions except happiness and anger. All other emotions are pointless. They are holding to hope just as much as the person they so subconsciously have managed to bring into their world.
So what is there to hold onto?? If someone pretty much as shown that they have moved on, why is it so hard to let go? Is hope that mind erasing that you lose yourself in wishing that they would come around? Is hope something that happens when you get a glimpse of what you've been searching for all along and just couldn't grasp forever? It scares me to have had something so great, and may have lost what could have been. Yet, I hold on to the hope of the day it is. Let's just hope that at that point its what I want.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Forgiveness is Just a Band-aid
You know it baffles me how the old saying goes "forgive those who hurt you for you hold the burden more than they". There are so many feelings I have towards this, but the major feeling that pokes at me is how many times are you to forgive someone you're in a relationship with???
I tell people all the time because I strongly believe this...forgive is better for the other person because subconsciously they feel they have gotten away with whatever wrong doing they have committed. Now I am not against forgiveness but what do you, the forgiver, get in return?? A peace of mind?? Hell, they isn't always enough! I don't condone revenge or tit for tat but they didn't something I didn't like, why should I say "ok I forgive just don't let it happen again" and move on? Yes, they may be sorry and sincerely apologetic but what is the real consequence?
I speak to a lot of my friends about their relationships and almost 85% of them have been wronged over and over and yet they forgive, and most of the time still harbor ill feelings toward the situation. This is because they aren't over it. When someone you genuinely care about or love does something that hurts you or gets under your skin, forgiveness may help but until you make them feel as uncomfortable as you feel, it will continue to happen. That's the subconscious "I got away with it" I speak of. In their mind, if you talk about it for 5 to 10 minutes, say you're over or move on without feeling better, they aren't gonna bring it up anymore. And 9 times out of time are gonna push the boundaries further. This doesn't just go for infidelity, but neglect, non-communication, selfishness, and lack of attention are included as well. In most cases those hurt more than cheating. I'll talk about that another time.
So what exactly does forgiveness do?? It only appeases a situation, NOT heal the situation. A situation isn't healed in my opinion until the person at fault gets in a position where they fully and totally feel the pain or uneasy feelings they put the other person in. They need to be shown that it just won't be "I forgive you, don't let it happen again" and the subject is changed and life is normal again. That only places resentment and a loss of trust in the relationship and its never the same. The jokes become less and less funnier, the hugs get softer and softer, and the person starts to look different.
Forgiveness is only a band-aid for the scar but where's the healing ointment??
I tell people all the time because I strongly believe this...forgive is better for the other person because subconsciously they feel they have gotten away with whatever wrong doing they have committed. Now I am not against forgiveness but what do you, the forgiver, get in return?? A peace of mind?? Hell, they isn't always enough! I don't condone revenge or tit for tat but they didn't something I didn't like, why should I say "ok I forgive just don't let it happen again" and move on? Yes, they may be sorry and sincerely apologetic but what is the real consequence?
I speak to a lot of my friends about their relationships and almost 85% of them have been wronged over and over and yet they forgive, and most of the time still harbor ill feelings toward the situation. This is because they aren't over it. When someone you genuinely care about or love does something that hurts you or gets under your skin, forgiveness may help but until you make them feel as uncomfortable as you feel, it will continue to happen. That's the subconscious "I got away with it" I speak of. In their mind, if you talk about it for 5 to 10 minutes, say you're over or move on without feeling better, they aren't gonna bring it up anymore. And 9 times out of time are gonna push the boundaries further. This doesn't just go for infidelity, but neglect, non-communication, selfishness, and lack of attention are included as well. In most cases those hurt more than cheating. I'll talk about that another time.
So what exactly does forgiveness do?? It only appeases a situation, NOT heal the situation. A situation isn't healed in my opinion until the person at fault gets in a position where they fully and totally feel the pain or uneasy feelings they put the other person in. They need to be shown that it just won't be "I forgive you, don't let it happen again" and the subject is changed and life is normal again. That only places resentment and a loss of trust in the relationship and its never the same. The jokes become less and less funnier, the hugs get softer and softer, and the person starts to look different.
Forgiveness is only a band-aid for the scar but where's the healing ointment??
What Do I Want You Ask????
Honestly I don't even know anymore! In growing up you learn or are taught that everyone has a "type"......attractive, smart, makes good, money, big house, nice car, so on and so on. So we spend most of our entire lives subconsciously searching for what only about 3 percent of the population actually gets. In the meantime, we get broken-hearted, taken advantage of, strung along, or just live a life of consistent dating. And consistent dating is a whole nother topic. So why are we taught to have a type when we don't even know what we want.
But back to not knowing what I want anymore, in the past two to three years I have probably dated, conversed with, slept with, hung out with some of the most diverse men nature has created. And personally none of them are what I actually want. Now yes if I found a magical machine that could combine all of them, yes he would be the perfect man; but the is reality so he doesn't exist. I say all the time men don't know what they want, and I am gonna be a strong believer in that philosophy until I die. Men crave what they can conquer, and that's why every person they date is completely different. I can count on one had the number of men I know who date or get into relationships with the same "type" of person. All the rest of you go from person to person trying to find what you want. Only leaving the one that was meant for you behind because you couldn't conquer the feelings.
A lot of men are afraid to love because they think they lose control. Control of their feelings, control of the situation, and control of not doing what the hell they wanna do.....which in most cases is get all the good feelings out the way before the bad ones arrive. Men don't like ups and downs! When the downs come they have to find a reason to escape instead of facing them head on. Then again on the other hand, you have some men who only want the downs because they last time they felt all good, they got hurt. So God forbid they have those good feelings again.
Now I know I have female readers, but I don't date women so I can't commit lol...but I know my ladies understand where I'm coming from. I don't know what I want anymore because men have taken what I wanted and turned into fondue, and I have to pick and pick what I want out of it. Why not just be yourself and not let society give you an idea of what you want. Television is the most elusive stereotype provider known to man. Be a leader and don't let what you see make you start believing that those possibilities are reality.
So the next time someone asked you what you want...be honest and say "I don't know...I'm still trying to figure that out"! I bet that sparks an interesting conversation.
But back to not knowing what I want anymore, in the past two to three years I have probably dated, conversed with, slept with, hung out with some of the most diverse men nature has created. And personally none of them are what I actually want. Now yes if I found a magical machine that could combine all of them, yes he would be the perfect man; but the is reality so he doesn't exist. I say all the time men don't know what they want, and I am gonna be a strong believer in that philosophy until I die. Men crave what they can conquer, and that's why every person they date is completely different. I can count on one had the number of men I know who date or get into relationships with the same "type" of person. All the rest of you go from person to person trying to find what you want. Only leaving the one that was meant for you behind because you couldn't conquer the feelings.
A lot of men are afraid to love because they think they lose control. Control of their feelings, control of the situation, and control of not doing what the hell they wanna do.....which in most cases is get all the good feelings out the way before the bad ones arrive. Men don't like ups and downs! When the downs come they have to find a reason to escape instead of facing them head on. Then again on the other hand, you have some men who only want the downs because they last time they felt all good, they got hurt. So God forbid they have those good feelings again.
Now I know I have female readers, but I don't date women so I can't commit lol...but I know my ladies understand where I'm coming from. I don't know what I want anymore because men have taken what I wanted and turned into fondue, and I have to pick and pick what I want out of it. Why not just be yourself and not let society give you an idea of what you want. Television is the most elusive stereotype provider known to man. Be a leader and don't let what you see make you start believing that those possibilities are reality.
So the next time someone asked you what you want...be honest and say "I don't know...I'm still trying to figure that out"! I bet that sparks an interesting conversation.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Reality v. Possibility (The Struggle of Letting Go)
Have you ever realized that your heart is holding is onto something your brain wants to let go?? But what exactly are you holding on to?? I'll tell you....POSSIBILTY! 1. The possibility that the odds will change and you end up getting what you want. 2. The possibility that all you wished would come true.. And 3 the possibility of happily ever after!! But hell, this is life and almost nothing you hope, wish, or dream actually comes to fruition (unless you have magical potions in your cupboard). So why not just let go and live in reality??
In reality we realize that are things that we don't want to face. The most important part of realize and reality is the word REAL...when you become real with yourself and others about a situation, you find that everything lines up the way it supposed to. You cannot go thru life or relationships not being real. These falsehoods only make your vision cloudy, and your decisions are foolish. Being real in a situation takes an open eye and straightforward approach. Don't be subjective...but objective. Understand that the outcome that you are trying to reach is best for both parties not just yourself.
In any relationship, there are two or more people. How can you expect to get something when you aren't giving anything? Not only is that selfish, but you really are gonna end up with the short end of the stick. Therefore, you still end up unhappy. Reality is you don't wanna give up something because you haven't had to. You've either had people who let you do what you want without contest, or you're afraid of feeling good feelings that you teach yourself how not to give 100%. In my reality, you (if you are that person) need to be by yourself, because no one wants someone who's only for themself. Why even portray you want more when deep down inside, you want to lead people into the land of possibility!
On the other end, those of us who can't let go have to find it somewhere deep within and find reality. They are never gonna change, they only keep coming back because we let them. So how do you can't the string. You ultimately can't! Now I know that sounds a bit ludacris but think about it, if you could don't you think you would have already. There's nothing wrong with loving, caring, or thinking about a person; just understand that the reality is that most of the time they aren't used to or capable of handling what we have to give. Remember fear comes from unknown and when we are scared or don't know what to do with the emotions that hit us we flee. Its human nature. Don't get angry, don't seek revenge! Just take it day by day and allow nature to take its course; which most of the time requires dreams, ill feelings, yearning, desire, and quality time of the other person. All you have to do is continue being yourself and show them that you care. Give them the information, and let them decide what they want to do with. No, you aren't giving them power of you, you are just expressing your feelings and letting go!
In reality, letting go doesn't mean forgetting or having nothing to do with them, it means relinquishing built up feelings so that they don't send you into a state of emotionless or depression. Because in these states, you become that person and do it to other people....thus only landing yourself in the land of possibility.
I choose REALITY!
In reality we realize that are things that we don't want to face. The most important part of realize and reality is the word REAL...when you become real with yourself and others about a situation, you find that everything lines up the way it supposed to. You cannot go thru life or relationships not being real. These falsehoods only make your vision cloudy, and your decisions are foolish. Being real in a situation takes an open eye and straightforward approach. Don't be subjective...but objective. Understand that the outcome that you are trying to reach is best for both parties not just yourself.
In any relationship, there are two or more people. How can you expect to get something when you aren't giving anything? Not only is that selfish, but you really are gonna end up with the short end of the stick. Therefore, you still end up unhappy. Reality is you don't wanna give up something because you haven't had to. You've either had people who let you do what you want without contest, or you're afraid of feeling good feelings that you teach yourself how not to give 100%. In my reality, you (if you are that person) need to be by yourself, because no one wants someone who's only for themself. Why even portray you want more when deep down inside, you want to lead people into the land of possibility!
On the other end, those of us who can't let go have to find it somewhere deep within and find reality. They are never gonna change, they only keep coming back because we let them. So how do you can't the string. You ultimately can't! Now I know that sounds a bit ludacris but think about it, if you could don't you think you would have already. There's nothing wrong with loving, caring, or thinking about a person; just understand that the reality is that most of the time they aren't used to or capable of handling what we have to give. Remember fear comes from unknown and when we are scared or don't know what to do with the emotions that hit us we flee. Its human nature. Don't get angry, don't seek revenge! Just take it day by day and allow nature to take its course; which most of the time requires dreams, ill feelings, yearning, desire, and quality time of the other person. All you have to do is continue being yourself and show them that you care. Give them the information, and let them decide what they want to do with. No, you aren't giving them power of you, you are just expressing your feelings and letting go!
In reality, letting go doesn't mean forgetting or having nothing to do with them, it means relinquishing built up feelings so that they don't send you into a state of emotionless or depression. Because in these states, you become that person and do it to other people....thus only landing yourself in the land of possibility.
I choose REALITY!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Relationship Immaturity.....
Maturity is defined as the state of being fully developed. Now what leads up to maturity is my question... Is it the experiences or things taught to you that make you mature?? Is it what your friends and family tell you what you should or shouldn't do?? What you read in books? Honestly its all these things, without it you would still be in the mindset of a 2 year old toddler.
I feel this goes for relationships as well, people need to be mature in handling situations of a relationship. There are a lot of people out here who wanna be in relationships that are relationally immature, and from that they either break a lot of hearts or continually get their heart broken. These "heartbreakers" I feel are the ones that are the most immature because they are dealing with a lot of fear. Fear is something that comes from a lot of unknown or uncertainty of the future. Now granted beng unsure of what's to come happens to us all, I guess I'm just more adventurous and am willing to step into the unknown and see what happens. "Heartbreakers" get to a certain point, reach the unknown and wanna run. Therefore leading to the second person...."the brokenhearted". These are the individuals (like myself) are open and communicative, show and tell everything that they feel and wear their hearts on their sleeve. These people are immature in taking the lessons learned and using them to their advantage or personal growth. Thus falling into the same thing over and over.
A major step in becoming mature enough for relationships is communication. Both parties learn so much from each other (good and bad) through speaking what's on your mind. People are afraid to say what's on their minds for two reasons....either they don't know how to convey they feelings which leads to misleading thoughts (one of my past posts) and strain on the relationship. The other reason would be they don't wanna stir up emotions whether good or bad. Neither of these approaches work in a relationship because one of the parties is unaware of the others feeling so then neither person can really give 100%. Say how you feel, come to a compromise and really do what is said because as the old cliche goes.... Actions speak louder than words.
I spoke about compromise in the first step, compromise is listening and coming to a common ground that will not only be good for both parties, but will help the relationship grow. In compromising both parties have to be willing to sacrifice something. Sacrificial decisions are often hard because you give up something that you have come accustomed to when by yourself, but when someone else is now in this with you that things has to become something secondary. It was brought to my attention by a friend that Carrie (Sex and the City) gave up smoking for Aiden. That was a sacrificial decision. Sacrificing does NOT mean losing yourself, but altering decisions you make for the betterment of your relationship. Sacrificing and compromising go hand in hand.
Being relationship mature doesn't come overnite and there will be many challenges along the way. But being relationship immaturity is draining and doesn't get anywhere. If you care for someone tell them....if you want to be with someone, be with them and take it day by day. Its a learning experience don't rush and be open to everything that you learn. Don't be afraid to love, love hard and love whole-heartedly, and let it take you to places you've never been. Grow and be mature and you will find love will return the favor.
I feel this goes for relationships as well, people need to be mature in handling situations of a relationship. There are a lot of people out here who wanna be in relationships that are relationally immature, and from that they either break a lot of hearts or continually get their heart broken. These "heartbreakers" I feel are the ones that are the most immature because they are dealing with a lot of fear. Fear is something that comes from a lot of unknown or uncertainty of the future. Now granted beng unsure of what's to come happens to us all, I guess I'm just more adventurous and am willing to step into the unknown and see what happens. "Heartbreakers" get to a certain point, reach the unknown and wanna run. Therefore leading to the second person...."the brokenhearted". These are the individuals (like myself) are open and communicative, show and tell everything that they feel and wear their hearts on their sleeve. These people are immature in taking the lessons learned and using them to their advantage or personal growth. Thus falling into the same thing over and over.
A major step in becoming mature enough for relationships is communication. Both parties learn so much from each other (good and bad) through speaking what's on your mind. People are afraid to say what's on their minds for two reasons....either they don't know how to convey they feelings which leads to misleading thoughts (one of my past posts) and strain on the relationship. The other reason would be they don't wanna stir up emotions whether good or bad. Neither of these approaches work in a relationship because one of the parties is unaware of the others feeling so then neither person can really give 100%. Say how you feel, come to a compromise and really do what is said because as the old cliche goes.... Actions speak louder than words.
I spoke about compromise in the first step, compromise is listening and coming to a common ground that will not only be good for both parties, but will help the relationship grow. In compromising both parties have to be willing to sacrifice something. Sacrificial decisions are often hard because you give up something that you have come accustomed to when by yourself, but when someone else is now in this with you that things has to become something secondary. It was brought to my attention by a friend that Carrie (Sex and the City) gave up smoking for Aiden. That was a sacrificial decision. Sacrificing does NOT mean losing yourself, but altering decisions you make for the betterment of your relationship. Sacrificing and compromising go hand in hand.
Being relationship mature doesn't come overnite and there will be many challenges along the way. But being relationship immaturity is draining and doesn't get anywhere. If you care for someone tell them....if you want to be with someone, be with them and take it day by day. Its a learning experience don't rush and be open to everything that you learn. Don't be afraid to love, love hard and love whole-heartedly, and let it take you to places you've never been. Grow and be mature and you will find love will return the favor.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Something Different
There was once a time when not even Prince Charming could get to my heart. "For what?" I would ask myself. "So he could turn around and rip it out of my chest and do whatever he wanted to do with it when he wanted to?" No ma'am! But something happened.... I had talks with friends and they always told me that I was too guarded and didn't open myself up to what I could have been missing. Well what i thought was missing, appeared and I ran with it. Or so I thought....
You know in doing things differently you have to change everything mentally, physically, and psychologically. There is now another person you have to think about as well. Almost like a child but different. You have to think about what they wanna do, what they eat or don't eat, what are their hobbies, whats their favorite color. Now in getting to know someone you learn these things pretty frequently, but what happens next when those are accomplished? What do you do to move forward? This place was once referred to me as being the "infatuation stage". Once that's over why is it that it seems that you don't know where to go? I entertained that thought in my "Crossroads" post, so i wont go back. But say one of you doesn't know how to capture the others interest in the way they want you to. Should the other person move on, or should they communicate what it is that they are looking for? I don't ever remember being able to read minds nor do I honestly believe there is one person that can. You have to communicate what it is you want out of anything in life, because people can only do but so much when it comes to providing you with the happiness you seek. You cannot expect people to control situations when there is no direction for them to go into because you are just waiting to see what happens.
Another thing, if someone expresses what they want from you don't run from it. If you can handle it, take it by the horns by all means necessary and do it. If you cant, communicate that and you both work out a compromise to make the situation work. Have you ever noticed how people 60 and older have been in relationship for 30, 40 and 50 years long? That's because they talk about everything from what they cant stand to what it is they love. Young people don't do that anymore. Instead at the slightest chance of an opening they run and then when they realize what they were running to is not what they wanted, they feel the need to run back to the one they ran from. Oh now you realize that just because at the point you weren't getting what you felt you needed you wanted to leave. Therefore, you think I was gonna sit around and wait for you to make up your mind? No ma'am
I have said it time and time again, never have someone fall for you when you don't intend on catching them, because when they get up their back will be to you! The old cliche saying "you don't know what you got til its gone" is so true. Stop chasing the ones that you want to fuck your body, and find the ones that will fuck your mind. I don't mean fuck it and leave like a one night stand, I mean one that will fuck your mind and stay until it becomes love making. That is someone that no matter what happens you have nothing but amazing thoughts about them. There should never be a time where you feel like you are being taken advantage of. At that point, you need to remove yourself. People only do to you what you allow them to. If you don't want him walking in and out of your life when he's ready, don't let him. Stop allowing him to get away with it the first time. I have a philosophy that a man when he's forgiven for something he has not business being forgiven for, he feels he got away with it, and will try his hand again. No ma'am, nip it in the bud the first time, so that he will think three times before even thinking about trying something that could cause him his happiness.
I have decided that I have done something different and in that process I have learned something different. Sometimes different doesn't work and you have to resort to being the old you. Go back to what you do that makes you comfortable. Changing for someone is never the answer, if they want you and want to be with you, they will accept you for EVERYTHING that you are different or indifferent.
Peace
You know in doing things differently you have to change everything mentally, physically, and psychologically. There is now another person you have to think about as well. Almost like a child but different. You have to think about what they wanna do, what they eat or don't eat, what are their hobbies, whats their favorite color. Now in getting to know someone you learn these things pretty frequently, but what happens next when those are accomplished? What do you do to move forward? This place was once referred to me as being the "infatuation stage". Once that's over why is it that it seems that you don't know where to go? I entertained that thought in my "Crossroads" post, so i wont go back. But say one of you doesn't know how to capture the others interest in the way they want you to. Should the other person move on, or should they communicate what it is that they are looking for? I don't ever remember being able to read minds nor do I honestly believe there is one person that can. You have to communicate what it is you want out of anything in life, because people can only do but so much when it comes to providing you with the happiness you seek. You cannot expect people to control situations when there is no direction for them to go into because you are just waiting to see what happens.
Another thing, if someone expresses what they want from you don't run from it. If you can handle it, take it by the horns by all means necessary and do it. If you cant, communicate that and you both work out a compromise to make the situation work. Have you ever noticed how people 60 and older have been in relationship for 30, 40 and 50 years long? That's because they talk about everything from what they cant stand to what it is they love. Young people don't do that anymore. Instead at the slightest chance of an opening they run and then when they realize what they were running to is not what they wanted, they feel the need to run back to the one they ran from. Oh now you realize that just because at the point you weren't getting what you felt you needed you wanted to leave. Therefore, you think I was gonna sit around and wait for you to make up your mind? No ma'am
I have said it time and time again, never have someone fall for you when you don't intend on catching them, because when they get up their back will be to you! The old cliche saying "you don't know what you got til its gone" is so true. Stop chasing the ones that you want to fuck your body, and find the ones that will fuck your mind. I don't mean fuck it and leave like a one night stand, I mean one that will fuck your mind and stay until it becomes love making. That is someone that no matter what happens you have nothing but amazing thoughts about them. There should never be a time where you feel like you are being taken advantage of. At that point, you need to remove yourself. People only do to you what you allow them to. If you don't want him walking in and out of your life when he's ready, don't let him. Stop allowing him to get away with it the first time. I have a philosophy that a man when he's forgiven for something he has not business being forgiven for, he feels he got away with it, and will try his hand again. No ma'am, nip it in the bud the first time, so that he will think three times before even thinking about trying something that could cause him his happiness.
I have decided that I have done something different and in that process I have learned something different. Sometimes different doesn't work and you have to resort to being the old you. Go back to what you do that makes you comfortable. Changing for someone is never the answer, if they want you and want to be with you, they will accept you for EVERYTHING that you are different or indifferent.
Peace
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Crossroads (unintentional neglect)
It has been brought to my attention that I have been neglecting something with even knowing that was what i was doing. Now this unintentional neglect can be a deafening silence in any relationship. Words arent spoken and feelings get pushed back because of some the feeling of being scared to hurt. In avoiding this feeling, you may inturn being hurting the other person more because they arent getting what they are giving and then feeling unappreciated and resentment start to set in. Lets start at the beginning....
In starting to get to know someone there are different stages in which two people go through. The first stage is the realization that there is an attraction. The two of you go thru small gestures of jokes passed, flirting, and the beginning of "small talk". The next stage is infatuation, where you wanna see, be near, spend time with, and get to know the small fun stuff about a person. Then the next step is the crossroads....here's where it tricky. At most crossroads there are three ways a person or two people can decide to go, but the two being on the same page is the most important part; and both must be willing to take the same road. But if one of the persons isnt where the other is theres a place of stagnant and stale air and most likely boredom that develops. I am on the end of where I dont know which road to take because I have been neglectful of the small things that are so so important. Initiative goes a long way, and I have learned the hard that you must not only tell a person how you feel, but you have to make sure that your actions are at the same level. You cannot expect a person to always do while you sit back and hope and wonder. That is my fall back, scared of hurt and rejection. I've said this before and I will say again.... Having a titanium wall up protecting your heart can be actually hurting the other person and you not even knowing then resulting in a relationship that could go amazing go wrong, dont be afraid to hurt because there are 1000 smiles after that will help you learn from that. Take a step in a different less traveled direction and you just may end up where you wanted to in the beginning. You must be open minded and have a open heart that so all communication lines are open. I sometimes feel people (majority men) have a hard time expressing how they feel because they dont wanna hurt someone's feelings or they dont know how they themselves are gonna feel about it. I think I have developed thick skin and can take alot, but i cannot and shouldnt have to deal with non-communication. As much as I joke about having #powers, I nor do I think anyone else has the power of reading minds. Therefore speak your mind and let others deal with the information they have just received.
Back to the crossroad....If you have been neglectful unintentionally, turn it around by taking a step in showing that you are sincerely apologetic and want to make up for the actions or lack thereof. Take it day by day because the hurt doesnt go away immediately but you both have to open enough to put it behind you and move forward. A relationship that comes from communication, openness, trust and alot of work will make it because the two of you will be on the same page consistently. You wont always be on the same page, no two people are but finding your way back can be hard but benenficial in life and relationship learnings.
I leave you by saying this, take your time and really think on both sides of the fence. Your side may or may not be the best and thats why its sometimes to go to another yard and see how things are planted, you may find that your plants need each other to coincide.
Peace
In starting to get to know someone there are different stages in which two people go through. The first stage is the realization that there is an attraction. The two of you go thru small gestures of jokes passed, flirting, and the beginning of "small talk". The next stage is infatuation, where you wanna see, be near, spend time with, and get to know the small fun stuff about a person. Then the next step is the crossroads....here's where it tricky. At most crossroads there are three ways a person or two people can decide to go, but the two being on the same page is the most important part; and both must be willing to take the same road. But if one of the persons isnt where the other is theres a place of stagnant and stale air and most likely boredom that develops. I am on the end of where I dont know which road to take because I have been neglectful of the small things that are so so important. Initiative goes a long way, and I have learned the hard that you must not only tell a person how you feel, but you have to make sure that your actions are at the same level. You cannot expect a person to always do while you sit back and hope and wonder. That is my fall back, scared of hurt and rejection. I've said this before and I will say again.... Having a titanium wall up protecting your heart can be actually hurting the other person and you not even knowing then resulting in a relationship that could go amazing go wrong, dont be afraid to hurt because there are 1000 smiles after that will help you learn from that. Take a step in a different less traveled direction and you just may end up where you wanted to in the beginning. You must be open minded and have a open heart that so all communication lines are open. I sometimes feel people (majority men) have a hard time expressing how they feel because they dont wanna hurt someone's feelings or they dont know how they themselves are gonna feel about it. I think I have developed thick skin and can take alot, but i cannot and shouldnt have to deal with non-communication. As much as I joke about having #powers, I nor do I think anyone else has the power of reading minds. Therefore speak your mind and let others deal with the information they have just received.
Back to the crossroad....If you have been neglectful unintentionally, turn it around by taking a step in showing that you are sincerely apologetic and want to make up for the actions or lack thereof. Take it day by day because the hurt doesnt go away immediately but you both have to open enough to put it behind you and move forward. A relationship that comes from communication, openness, trust and alot of work will make it because the two of you will be on the same page consistently. You wont always be on the same page, no two people are but finding your way back can be hard but benenficial in life and relationship learnings.
I leave you by saying this, take your time and really think on both sides of the fence. Your side may or may not be the best and thats why its sometimes to go to another yard and see how things are planted, you may find that your plants need each other to coincide.
Peace
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
"When the Time is Right"
Have you ever felt that any relationship you've encountered doesnt work out?? I dont just mean sexual or dating..I'm talking about ALL relationships....
I wanna dedicate this post to how I feel about that situation. There comes a time in your life when a little part of feels like you just dont wanna be bothered. This is more than a gut feeling, this is a higher being telling you "the timing isn't right"! And Lord this being is correct. You cannot start a new endeavor, relationship, friendship or hobby if you aren't completely done with another. Instant gratification does NOT lead to long term happiness. Happiness is something that takes steps and is a process that has to be followed. Instant gratification doesn't lead to fulfillment in life. Instant gratification doesn't lead to prosperity. Instant gratification only leads to heartache, drama, and loss of lack of self respect.
Self respect is something that somehow over the years gone down the drain. You cannot love the next person if you cant look in the mirror and see greatness in yourself. Love has to be exuded from within in order for the outside world to see. Have you ever known someone with low self confidence to have a happy and prosperous relationship whether love or friendship? Most of you said NO, because no one wants to be around someone who doesnt see themselves fit to be around other people. No one wants to be around a "party pooper". Start looking at yourself as a treasure that someone is ready to open and enjoy the perks. Monetary perks arent always the best if you dont have someone to share them with.
The steps to happiness are many and dont come easy, and the skills that are needed to proceed to the next step are open mindedness, trust, communication and just an open ear and heart to something new. Stop treating all new relationships like past ones. This is a new experience, so treat it as such. Have fun and let whatever may come come... but first be ready for it! In being ready you have to make sure that all thing that make you happy are in order. Career, home, self happiness, confidence, goals and aspirations, and the willingness to love. If these things arent together...."the time isn't right". Your inner being will definitely let you know when the time is right. You will always be happy, things will be less stressful and you will have a sense of everything falling into place. And when those stars are aligned, that higher power will say "this time is right and now here is our reward". Love is a reward for you doing what you are supposed to do for yourself first, and is a great reward when can be fully enjoyed.
So in closing my thoughts on timing are.... take your time and stop looking for love and let it reveal itself, when you are supposed to experience all that love has to offer it will be a great reward, get yourself together before trying to give all to the next person, and time tells all....the higher being will know "When the Time is Right"
I wanna dedicate this post to how I feel about that situation. There comes a time in your life when a little part of feels like you just dont wanna be bothered. This is more than a gut feeling, this is a higher being telling you "the timing isn't right"! And Lord this being is correct. You cannot start a new endeavor, relationship, friendship or hobby if you aren't completely done with another. Instant gratification does NOT lead to long term happiness. Happiness is something that takes steps and is a process that has to be followed. Instant gratification doesn't lead to fulfillment in life. Instant gratification doesn't lead to prosperity. Instant gratification only leads to heartache, drama, and loss of lack of self respect.
Self respect is something that somehow over the years gone down the drain. You cannot love the next person if you cant look in the mirror and see greatness in yourself. Love has to be exuded from within in order for the outside world to see. Have you ever known someone with low self confidence to have a happy and prosperous relationship whether love or friendship? Most of you said NO, because no one wants to be around someone who doesnt see themselves fit to be around other people. No one wants to be around a "party pooper". Start looking at yourself as a treasure that someone is ready to open and enjoy the perks. Monetary perks arent always the best if you dont have someone to share them with.
The steps to happiness are many and dont come easy, and the skills that are needed to proceed to the next step are open mindedness, trust, communication and just an open ear and heart to something new. Stop treating all new relationships like past ones. This is a new experience, so treat it as such. Have fun and let whatever may come come... but first be ready for it! In being ready you have to make sure that all thing that make you happy are in order. Career, home, self happiness, confidence, goals and aspirations, and the willingness to love. If these things arent together...."the time isn't right". Your inner being will definitely let you know when the time is right. You will always be happy, things will be less stressful and you will have a sense of everything falling into place. And when those stars are aligned, that higher power will say "this time is right and now here is our reward". Love is a reward for you doing what you are supposed to do for yourself first, and is a great reward when can be fully enjoyed.
So in closing my thoughts on timing are.... take your time and stop looking for love and let it reveal itself, when you are supposed to experience all that love has to offer it will be a great reward, get yourself together before trying to give all to the next person, and time tells all....the higher being will know "When the Time is Right"
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
LOVE2010
It seems to me like 2010 is the year for love. 2009...not so much! When that clock struck 12, I told my friends that I would have someone to call my own by my birthday; but I wasn't going to go look for it, it would have to present itself to me just like it would've last year. Coming out of a 4 year relationship I have found that I can see bullshit from a mile away; and not that I was running from love or a relationship, i just knew what I didn't want and stay out of its way.
There's an old saying that when you stop looking for something it appears right in front of you. Thats why I always tell people stop going out looking for a relationship, a man or woman, or love. Let it come to you! It will definitely happen when you're ready and you least expect it. It will also come in the form of something that you normally wouldn't expect it to come from. It will be from a happy place, just a place you wouldn't normally "look". I think that's what makes love so special. It's uninhibited, true, genuine, carefree, and stress is nowhere to be found.
But of course there is the flip side. Love doesnt come without the bad. But both parties have to be willing to strongly work towards the same goal. Get to know each other before falling in love, and there will be less work and more fun. In getting to know the other you'll find that there are things that irritate the hell out of you, but if this party gives you their all and you do the same you'll find that those bad things aren't really that important. Don't judge based on past experiences either. Stop saying "my ex did this so I'm scared", or "all boys are the same"! They are NOT! They may not be worth a damn.... lol (just kidding), but you cant compare two alike.
It again takes two, so you have to work for it as well. You have to be open and honest and give yourself more than you ever have. It will definitely feel uncomfortable at first, but like any habit continuously do it and it becomes more natural. This way he sees all of you and he can decide what he wants to do from there and vice versa. As grown adults, especially in the gay community, we need to step up and grow up and stop putting on the facades of what reality wants us to be. I never believe that two stereotypical gay men will last because they arent being themselves. Also, stop prejudging each other on how people act. I love to be the center of attention, so I may act one way out in public but may be the exact opposite in the privacy of my home with you (my spouse, date, bf, etc.). So just because I may vogue, walk runway, and snap my finger doesn't mean I want you to climb my back.
The love process is a long and sometimes thought provoking process but that definitely makes it all the while. Go in it for the long haul and the reward will be great! Let's make Love2010 the new motto...until next time
PEACE
There's an old saying that when you stop looking for something it appears right in front of you. Thats why I always tell people stop going out looking for a relationship, a man or woman, or love. Let it come to you! It will definitely happen when you're ready and you least expect it. It will also come in the form of something that you normally wouldn't expect it to come from. It will be from a happy place, just a place you wouldn't normally "look". I think that's what makes love so special. It's uninhibited, true, genuine, carefree, and stress is nowhere to be found.
But of course there is the flip side. Love doesnt come without the bad. But both parties have to be willing to strongly work towards the same goal. Get to know each other before falling in love, and there will be less work and more fun. In getting to know the other you'll find that there are things that irritate the hell out of you, but if this party gives you their all and you do the same you'll find that those bad things aren't really that important. Don't judge based on past experiences either. Stop saying "my ex did this so I'm scared", or "all boys are the same"! They are NOT! They may not be worth a damn.... lol (just kidding), but you cant compare two alike.
It again takes two, so you have to work for it as well. You have to be open and honest and give yourself more than you ever have. It will definitely feel uncomfortable at first, but like any habit continuously do it and it becomes more natural. This way he sees all of you and he can decide what he wants to do from there and vice versa. As grown adults, especially in the gay community, we need to step up and grow up and stop putting on the facades of what reality wants us to be. I never believe that two stereotypical gay men will last because they arent being themselves. Also, stop prejudging each other on how people act. I love to be the center of attention, so I may act one way out in public but may be the exact opposite in the privacy of my home with you (my spouse, date, bf, etc.). So just because I may vogue, walk runway, and snap my finger doesn't mean I want you to climb my back.
The love process is a long and sometimes thought provoking process but that definitely makes it all the while. Go in it for the long haul and the reward will be great! Let's make Love2010 the new motto...until next time
PEACE
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Mistaken Thoughts
Have you ever been into someone so much you have mistaken thoughts?? Mistaken thoughts are those thoughts that something is wrong. Often times these thoughts come from wanting to talk to someone so bad and when you dont, you think they are upset or over you. Most of the time its just your yearning for them thats taking over the good thoughts. Stop right there! Just let it be... dont press an issue that isnt really there because then it causes problems. Especially if there is no title...you arent necessarily entitled to speak to them when YOU want. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is not just a cliche thought, but is something that is very true. Just look at the situation...again you need to miss them so you dont get over them from seeing them so much. Fight through that yearning and when you get to talk to, see, or touch that person it will be sooooo much better and you'll find that those moments are endless. Dont take those feelings as fear as something is wrong...Mistaken Thoughts! Mistaken thoughts can also be thoughts in which you arent supposed to feel the way you do about someone. This can have many examples, but the one that sticks out in my mind is being attracted to someone who your technically forbidden to feel that way for i.e. your friend's "date" or "crush". I have to say that their are couple of my friends that are either in relationship or have a crush on someone and I want them. Mistake thoughts run through my head like "he should like me" or "thats doin shows you arent even supposed to be with talking to him". I shouldn't feel that way I should be happy, but guess what... that's LIFE. Sometimes you have to look from the outside perspective and you'll realize somethings aren't meant to be for a reason. A reason you will realize when the time is right. Dont try to force something that shouldn't be. You cant put to positive ends of a magnet together, so dont try to put to negative personalities togehter. It doesn't work out!!
So basically to sum this up, let those Mistaken Thoughts go and dont let them cloud your mind, and cause issues that dont even need to be. Be open minded and let things be how they are supposed to be.
Peace
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
You (Directly/Indirectly)
You were the one that with one glance of the eye could melt my world. Everything was perfect then. No arguments or fussing and fighting. Where did it go wrong?? When I didnt say goodmorning a certain way or when I didnt kiss you goodnight with a wet enough kiss?? You aren't barely speaking and the space between us is growing larger and larger, so large I can't take it anymore. So I have to take this time to go and be happy. I love you, but I can love you from afar. This is it! Goodbye...
Now I used that from my imagination as to what a lot of people in my generation seem to be afraid to say when they are "over" someone. Instead of just saying it was great but its time to part; they have to fight, scream, cuss and fuss. And God forbid the next man try and attempt to be with him. All hell breaks loose. Thats what confuses me, you dont want him, but he cant have him. HA! Foolishness,and if at any point you try and justify that thought you need to get help. Yeah you can love him/her, but let them go. And especially if you have moved on and are dating publicly.
Goodbye is not necessarily a bad thing when there is an amicable separation. The biggest part of it being amicable is being able to communicate the issues and problems that have come and made this the final decision. But it honestly this would not have happened if you were communicating earlier in the relationship. No you wanted that instant gratification of being in a "relationship", that you didnt even like him. You fell for the looks and not what was inside. And now you sit here dazed and confused trying to figure out what went wrong. It was wrong from the beginning.... just say Goodbye
peace
Saturday, February 6, 2010
BagPeople
We all know that you have to look at the past to see where you're going, but a lot of you hold on to too much of what should've been dropped off. The first thing is people, people that have hurt you in some way and you continue to hold onto. 98% of the time the person you are holding onto the most has completely moved in with their lives. If they have hurt you, you must forgive (not foget) and move on for yourself. Once you have done this you will notice how your life changes...less stress, and worrying about them. Now there is another side of that aspect and that's love. I have to say that there is one person in my life that I cannot let go of because I am still in love with them. Now I do know that we cannot be with each other, but I still care about his well-being and happiness. Nor do let my love for him destroy other relationships. I have let him go, and wish him well. When you and lover part, let it go and move on and let that be a lesson that you learn from. But dont take a bad relationship with you to the next, and please dont treat the next person like its where you left off with the last. Another thing that is held on to is past altercations. If you have an argument with someone (lover, mother, sister, friend) and there is some conclusion to it. Leave it there! Dont keep bringing it up over and over in other arguments...get everything you need to say out and so that you both can move on. That is one of the biggest pet peeves of mine, is for someone to say they are over it, and as soon as they get the first chance they bring up the hold on! Get over it and let it go. Additional baggage and stress in your life..drop the bags!! Once these bags are dropped you will feel a sense of freedom and that nothing can hold you back! Be blessed!
Peace
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The Me You Don't Know
So I asked around to see what people thought would be a good topic for my first post of my new blog "Thoughts of a Shady Mind", and I got an interesting response from a friend named Kris. He said "you should talk about your youth"; and initially this caught me off guard because I feel that I am still young. So I asked him what age range was he talking about. He said from about 9 to 17 and automatically I had so many thoughts run through my head. In that time (around 9-13) of my life so many things occurred that i can say starting the boiling water of who I am today. Believe it or not it was around ths time that I realized that I was homosexual and had a "strange" attraction to men, but it (the feeling) seemed so natural. Even after realizing that I was attracted to men, I told myself it was right and suppressed it for the next 3 to 4 years. My family had moved to NC when i turned 11 and it was completely different than what I had been accustomed to in DC, but nonetheless I was young and didn't really know any different. I played basketball, football, and ran track and boys were the last thing on my mind, hell girls were too lol....but I was young and was a "normal" boy. The life of homosexuality didn't re-enter my life until I turned 14 and returned to DC to attend Duke Ellington School of the Performing Arts. When I got here I was in utter shock of how "the life" was so open AND not to mention so accepted. In NC, it just wasnt talked about. Now dont get me wrong I did have a couple of episodes closer to this age, and I will refrain from using names, but I wasnt a stranger to it. I learned alot when I got to that school and I will never forget the person who opened their arms to me and showed me the ropes. His name is Will Ridley, I love him with all my heart and just want to thank him for showing me not to take bullshit from anyone. Although I was only at Duke for a year that was one of the longest most enjoyable years of my life..or so I thought (that's another later post). I then transferred to Potomac High in Oxon Hill, MD and here is where my reign began. Started off as a quiet non-speaking (yeah i didnt say a word lol) sophomore, but by the spring of 1997 I was in full blossom and everyone loved me. I was the one to watch out for, and new I had a special calling to entertain in some fashion. I met some great friends whom I still hang out with today, and some great times. Had my first full fledge gay relationship and came out to my family. Graduated high school and the fireball was lit, and there was and still is NO stopping me! Well more to come, dont be afraid to post comments and questions and will make sure I try my best to get to everyone!
Peace
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)